This is my pledge...of glory.

I often joke about being one of LADY GAGA's biggest fans...in more ways than one.  As a "huge" fan, I  not only do things like bleach my long, curly hair of yesteryear and talk about her constantly (so others say), but I'm also a rather large gal in stature...I'm GAGAntuan, if you will.  I stand about 6 feet tall and (I can't believe I'm about to admit this) weigh a whopping 221.6 lbs.  In the past, I've likely never admitted my actual weight to ANY of you.  I, however, have decided I to start being honest with myself.  And I can thank LADY GAGA for helping me find the courage to do so. 

Inspired by LADY GAGA, among others, I officially came "out of the closet" about three months ago...I refer to my official coming out day as the day in which I came out to my parents.  It's kind of a comical story, which I would be happy to share with any of you some other time...or perhaps in a future post.  Anyway, my sexual orientation was an aspect of my life I had never been honest with myself about.  I can't explain how good it feels to be open about something you've been denying so long... truly an amazing feeling.  Thanks to all of you who love me as much as ever. 

I don't think I've ever been honest with myself about my weight (and how it desperately needs to decrease) either.  And so ends a lifetime of denial regarding sexuality and weight! The scale and I agree that getting healthy is long overdue, but things like a four-month escape to the capital of wine, aged cheese and pasta will deter even the most determined of dieters (not that I even tried in Italy...who am I kidding).  But something struck me the other day...a way that I could both get healthy and maybe even meet LADY GAGA!  I thought to myself, "Maybe if I lost 40 lbs doing GAGAerobics, m'Lady would somehow hear about it and want to meet me!"  Now, meeting LADY GAGA is just a minor incentive to lose the weight...because, after all, losing the weight doesn't guarantee she'll even know my name.  The ultimate incentive is getting healthy.  Ms. GAGA is always talking about being the best possible you, and Jackie Hauser sans 40 lbs is gonna be a "stunner."  Mark my words.

You're likely asking yourself, "What is GAGAerobics?  Have I heard of this before?"  No, you've probably never heard of it before, because I made it up (well, sort of).  When I know I should exercise and have absolutely no motivation to do so, I can always muster up the strength to do a little GAGAerobics.  Basically, I combine Sean T's "Hip Hop Abs," Billy Blanks' "Tea Bo" and my own  dance moves to work up a crazy sweat while listening to GAGA... you might say I'm GAGAcising!  I cannot tell you how much fun I have!!! And it works. I'm currently experiencing a sensation I haven't felt in years...soreness.  If you're ever in Madison and looking for a fun workout, I encourage you to join me!          

In explaining GAGAerobics and my 40 lb plan to my sister, Kassie Hauser, she transformed what was a good idea into a GREAT one.  She said, "You know what you have to do?  Start a blog."  LIGHT BULB!  My response, "It'll be just like Julie and Julia but better and funnier... and I won't be such a whiny bitch."  Here's hoping there's a happier ending to my story...If GAGA ever gets wind of my little project, I hope she doesn't respond like Julia Child did to that whiny Julia chick.  But can you blame her?  That Julie was whiny...and probably short.  Did I mention she was whiny?

Almost done...I promise.  Anyway, I was doing GAGAerobics on Sunday (sweating my you-know-whats off), and when "The Edge of Glory" came on I got a serious case of the goose-bumps.  I thought to myself, "This is my GAGA-project's anthem." But I had yet to come up with the perfect name.  Minutes later I was reading the list of songs on the back of the Born this Way album.  When I saw "The Edge of Glory" in print, it came to me...my blog shall be called THE PLEDGE OF GLORY. 

So this is my pledge...of glory --  I will lose 40 lbs by the end of April doing GAGAerobics (among other things) at least three times a week and blogging about it every dance-step of the way.  Why the end of April?!  Because I needed a deadline and I'll also be standing up in my friend Emily's wedding on April 28th... at least I think that's the day of her wedding :S 

If admitting my weight (again, freakin' 221.6 lbs) and proclaiming my intentions isn't enough to make me accountable, I'm "upping the ante."  As soon as I can figure out how to do it, I'll be posting semi-nude "before" photos of my cottage cheese self.  You GAGA aficionados can call me "Flubby Mary."     


"Just dance -- It's gonna be okay." - LADY GAGA

Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.

Jackie