I fear enduring the holiday season and resisting all of its temptatations will be even harder than anticipated. I got a little taste of what's to come last weekend when I travelled to the 715 to celebrate my friend Paul's college graduation as well as my cousin Hannah's. All I did was gather with friends and eat... and eat... and eat. I even got in the habit of pre-gaming my meals with entirely seperate meals. On Friday night, for instance, I was riding with Paul's parents to Eau Claire and we decided to stop at the Norske Nook to pick up a pie. We had every intention of just grabbing the "Pie of the Month" and continuing our trek to Eau Claire, but upon seeing the pie-rotator Paul's father insisted we have some pie then and there! And once we discovered they were serving up Friday fish fry, our pie-stop quickly turned into an all out meal. While we all knew Paul would be cooking us a lovely dinner, that certainly didn't stop Paul's dad from ordering the fish-fry platter nor did it stop me from scarfing down the fish wrap (a relatively healthy option were the lefse not slathered in butter). I was at least wise enough to hold off on pie, but only because I was saving myself for the giant piece of lingonberry apple swimming in ice cream I'd have later. But hey, if you're going to "cheat," do it right... and when it comes to pie, ain't nothing more "right" than Norske Nook! And lingonberry apple that!
Food is my drug and that was just the beginning of a long bender of a weekend! I continued my excessive eating on Saturday, when we dined at the Green Mill following Paul's graduation ceremony. Rather than get their delicious "Il Primo" pizza topped with various meats and gorgonzola, I opted for a raspberry grilled chicken salad...still topped with gorgonzola! Nevertheless, I was pleased with this moment of strength. This "strength," however, wouldn't last long. I literally left the Green Mill and went straight to Randy's Family Restaurant, home of the most fabulous pancakes on Earth. So could I resist getting a pancake for dessert?! At a restaurant I very rarely get to go to?! Absolutely not. I had one of Randy's famous pancakes with a delicious cup (or 5) of coffee. And the best part of lunch #2?! The company! I sat with my best friends Katie and Tiffany, and we chatted for almost two hours while waitress Goldie kept the coffee coming! There's nothing quite like good food, coffee and conversation. Something, something about this place.
There would be more good eatin' in store for Saturday. From Eau Claire, my lovely mother and I headed to River Falls for my cousin Hannah's senior vocal recital. By this time I was feeling drunk. The combination of excessive food and especially coffee had me feeling as though I'd gulped one too many Bud Lite Limes... you know that stage of drunk where the pleasant buzz suddenly has you feeling dizzy?! Yup, that's what too much coffee and a lack of healthy food will now do to me. So I got a LifeWater and an apple, and I started feeling better. When we arrived in River Falls, I was ready to inhale some delicious pizza...nevermind the fact I'd just recovered from my food-hangover of sorts. I still felt fine after downing a few pieces of pizza, and by the time the amazing recital was over I was ready for an array of Christmas goodies! The reception offered carmelized crackers, shortbread cookies, chocolate cherry cookies and Subway-like M&M cookies, to name a few! Why start minding my caloric intake then?! Neeldess to say, I didn't and I wouldn't later that night when we got back to Whitehall. In my beautifully festive childhood home, there were 12 dozen peanut butter blossom cookies and homemade chex-mix waiting for me. I was able to eat just one cookie (as well as the sample of dough Mom saved for me) and a fairly reasonable portion of chex-mix... impressive, right?!
I wish the weekend of glutony stopped there... but I would eat a City Cafe omelette the next day, more Norske Nook pie and some of Jeff Hauser's most delicious grill creations. Sunday night would conclude over a couple drinks and some much needed karaoke with my best friends Paul, Monique and Shane. If only I could stop my rambling food diary there... but I would return to Randy's Family Restaurant on Monday morning, where I decided whole wheat french toast was a healthy option. GAGA almighty, the food diary finally stops there! You're welcome.
As you all know, I've been preaching a lot lately about not "perseverating" over the food and weight thing. Well, after reading an entirely too detailed and lengthy exerpt from my food diary, which I don't actually keep, you and I both know not perseverating is easier said than done. I'd like to think I don't obsess over the "cheating" I do, but my ability to recite everything I'd eaten this past weekend proves otherwise. This is just another challenge in healthy eating...not obsessing. I simply need to remember that this health revolution is about feeling good about myself. Therefore, it is counterproductive when I obsess and feel bad about unhealthy food consumption. Forward our motto!
Here's to a joyous holiday weekend! Please, remember the Pledge of Glory's stance on Thanksgiving when you do your holiday eating... if eating food you love with the people you love makes you happy, so be it! While easier said than done, let's not obsess over all the food we "shouldn't have" eaten this holiday season. But here's hoping I can at least stop myself before getting food-wasted!
"My body may be a work-in-progress, but there is nothing wrong with my soul." -- Bree Osbourne (a pre-operative male-to-female transsexual played by Felicity Huffman in the 2005 film Transamerica)
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Let's hear it for the boys!
Christmas is but 10 days away, and I've never had such lack luster holiday spirit. Maybe it's the lack of snow on the ground... maybe it's the lack of gift-buying money in my wallet... or maybe it's that damn radio commericial that keeps telling me "85% of people gain weight over the holidays." Nothing screams happy holidays like constant fear of destroying four and a half months of weight loss... I'm now weighing in between 196.1 and 198.8 lbs, and I'll be damned if I sabotage that progress (total loss ranging from 22.8 to 25.5lbs)! And as for that holiday weight-gain statistic (well, statistics in general), my friend Michelle once told me 70% of statistics are inaccurate.
Oh, lord. The woman on this week's episode of What Not to Wear is selfconscious about her height. She said, "I'm already 5'10" or 5'11," so heels put me over 6' and I feel freakish." If being 6' tall makes me freakish, just call me and all the fabulously large people in my life a pile of mutants! Why would anyone ever feel insecure about being long, lean and all together superior to others? Sure, we tall people will allegedly live shorter lives (yet another likely inaccurate statistic), but I find this to be a trade-off for the exceptional quality of our tall-lives. But in all seriousness, this What Not to Wear participant is just another example of a woman unhappy with her body... even women who aren't selfconscious about their weight will find some physical feature to perseverate over. It's exhausting, really.
I also find my constant preaching about women and "our" issues quite exhausting (as I'm sure y'all do). I've realized that in my women's rights "crusade" I've neglected the issues and injustices relating to other groups of people and particularly men. Many issues aren't really specific to men or women... last Pledge I said that men don't perseverate over the weight thing like women. What I should have said is that men aren't likely to do so as frequently. But how can I actually know such a thing? When it comes to weight and body image, sure, men aren't likely to talk about such things. Struggling with weight, perhaps like being a victim of sexual assault (on a much different, yet somehow similar level), is largely considered a "female thing." While men suffer from similar matters, they're proably too ashamed to talk about their experiences. Men are taught that to struggle with and even talk about such matters is emasculating. While men may may struggle with weight and body dysmorphia less frequently than women, it seems especially difficult as they feel they can't talk about it. Not that it's an easy thing for women to talk about, but at least our femininity isn't put into question.
In an effort to quit preaching in circles, let's talk about the exceptional men in my life! Just as I constantly ramble about women's issues and ignore how these same matters might affect men, I often praise the strong women in my life and fail to salute the inspiring men around me. So here's to my gay-boyfriends! You know who you are, and I hope you also know how much I appreciate your love, support and thoughtfulness. And let us not forget the exceptional straight men in my life... here's to those of you who remind me that you're not all bad. And a very special shout-out to my father -- a man who at one time lived with four very strong women and ultimately helped raise three independent daughters.
You're probably wondering when I started taking myself and this damn blog so seriously... maybe now that I'm no longer eating like a 12-year-old (spaghetti, pizza-bagels, PB&Js, mac n' cheese, etc.) I'm acting less like one. Hahaha not likely! Speaking of my inner child, she's curious about the meaning of some Christmas carols. Let's talk "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause." Is Santa in this song actually the kid's dad?! And has every body always known this?! I sure as hell haven't. How about "Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer"... Grandpa clearly killed grandma and is trying to blame Santa, right?! "You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Grandpa we believe!"
Well, here's hoping my weekend trip to the 715 will get me in the Christmas spirit! I can only imagine the goodies that await me... peanut butter blosoms, carmel puff corn, almond-bark pretzels, and so on and so on. Here's to that 15% of us who won't put on any holiday pounds!
While World AIDS Day was observed over two weeks ago (December 1st), I would like to pay my belated respects in quoting the late Ryan White. White, having been expelled from his middle school because of his infection, was somewhat of an American poster child for HIV/AIDS in the 80s. While White was only given six months to live, he lived five years longer than anticipated. White is also the first male I have chosen to conclude The Pledge of Glory.
"AIDS can destroy a family if you let it, but luckily for my sister and me, Mom taught us to keep going. Don't give up, be proud of who you are and never feel sorry for yourself." -- Ryan White
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Oh, lord. The woman on this week's episode of What Not to Wear is selfconscious about her height. She said, "I'm already 5'10" or 5'11," so heels put me over 6' and I feel freakish." If being 6' tall makes me freakish, just call me and all the fabulously large people in my life a pile of mutants! Why would anyone ever feel insecure about being long, lean and all together superior to others? Sure, we tall people will allegedly live shorter lives (yet another likely inaccurate statistic), but I find this to be a trade-off for the exceptional quality of our tall-lives. But in all seriousness, this What Not to Wear participant is just another example of a woman unhappy with her body... even women who aren't selfconscious about their weight will find some physical feature to perseverate over. It's exhausting, really.
I also find my constant preaching about women and "our" issues quite exhausting (as I'm sure y'all do). I've realized that in my women's rights "crusade" I've neglected the issues and injustices relating to other groups of people and particularly men. Many issues aren't really specific to men or women... last Pledge I said that men don't perseverate over the weight thing like women. What I should have said is that men aren't likely to do so as frequently. But how can I actually know such a thing? When it comes to weight and body image, sure, men aren't likely to talk about such things. Struggling with weight, perhaps like being a victim of sexual assault (on a much different, yet somehow similar level), is largely considered a "female thing." While men suffer from similar matters, they're proably too ashamed to talk about their experiences. Men are taught that to struggle with and even talk about such matters is emasculating. While men may may struggle with weight and body dysmorphia less frequently than women, it seems especially difficult as they feel they can't talk about it. Not that it's an easy thing for women to talk about, but at least our femininity isn't put into question.
In an effort to quit preaching in circles, let's talk about the exceptional men in my life! Just as I constantly ramble about women's issues and ignore how these same matters might affect men, I often praise the strong women in my life and fail to salute the inspiring men around me. So here's to my gay-boyfriends! You know who you are, and I hope you also know how much I appreciate your love, support and thoughtfulness. And let us not forget the exceptional straight men in my life... here's to those of you who remind me that you're not all bad. And a very special shout-out to my father -- a man who at one time lived with four very strong women and ultimately helped raise three independent daughters.
You're probably wondering when I started taking myself and this damn blog so seriously... maybe now that I'm no longer eating like a 12-year-old (spaghetti, pizza-bagels, PB&Js, mac n' cheese, etc.) I'm acting less like one. Hahaha not likely! Speaking of my inner child, she's curious about the meaning of some Christmas carols. Let's talk "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause." Is Santa in this song actually the kid's dad?! And has every body always known this?! I sure as hell haven't. How about "Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer"... Grandpa clearly killed grandma and is trying to blame Santa, right?! "You can say there's no such thing as Santa, but as for me and Grandpa we believe!"
Well, here's hoping my weekend trip to the 715 will get me in the Christmas spirit! I can only imagine the goodies that await me... peanut butter blosoms, carmel puff corn, almond-bark pretzels, and so on and so on. Here's to that 15% of us who won't put on any holiday pounds!
While World AIDS Day was observed over two weeks ago (December 1st), I would like to pay my belated respects in quoting the late Ryan White. White, having been expelled from his middle school because of his infection, was somewhat of an American poster child for HIV/AIDS in the 80s. While White was only given six months to live, he lived five years longer than anticipated. White is also the first male I have chosen to conclude The Pledge of Glory.
"AIDS can destroy a family if you let it, but luckily for my sister and me, Mom taught us to keep going. Don't give up, be proud of who you are and never feel sorry for yourself." -- Ryan White
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Accepting the Unaccepting -- Uff' da
I honestly don't know if I should blog today... I'm feeling sentimental, philosophical and all together quite preachy. Nevertheless, I'm feeling inspired...
A friend of mine, who's coincidentally named Christian, shared the following link to a blog post by "Single Dad Laughing" titled "I'm Christian, unless you're gay" (oddly enough, Christian knows I'm gay and yet he's always referred to himself as such... oh that's rich!). I couldn't sleep this morning, so I thought I'd give it a quick read. Well, there was nothing quick about it, but I'm nevertheless pleased to have read it. If you, too, are having trouble sleeping or perhaps just don't want to study, I encourage you to click the link below and read this (at the very least) thought-provoking blog post.
http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html
If you chose not to spend 15 minutes reading a message that could've been summed up in 5, I'll give you an even more brief synopsis. In this blog entry, Dan Pearce discusses the exclusivity of Christianity and the failure by some of its more rigid, conservative followers to essentially "love thy neighbor" ... particularly if this neighbor is gay, an alcoholic or "different" in some other way. While I'm not crazy about "gayness" being likened to diseases such as alcoholism (my sister was once told being gay is the equivalent to being an alcoholic... that one must resist the tempation for same sex relations, like an alcoholic must avoid the drink), I appreciate the message Pearce is trying to relay -- in order to feel better about themselves, humans who feel inadequate hate and dehumanize those who are different or "sinful." He essentially asks, "Why can't we all just love and get along?"
I, however, find myself asking, "When will we stop referring to my lifestyle as 'alternative' and debating whether it's 'right' or 'wrong'?" I'm confident that day will come, and perhaps even in my lifetime. Until then, I continue my daily struggle to not just tolerate, but accept the unaccepting. Lady Gaga is far better about this (perhaps what I admire most in her), as I can't even sit through an Eminem song without purging. But, I don't think I should have to subject myself to that sort of verbal abuse in order to "accept" Mr. Mathers.
Conan O'Brien joked last night that America can't afford transitions... With that being said, I'm now going to very choppily jump to an overview of my Thanksgiving festivities. I spent the holiday at home in Whitehall with my mom's family. We were missing both sister Kassie and cousin Erik, as well as everyone's favorite uncle Kenny... nevertheless, those of us who were present had an amazing time. I often refer to the "Tjoflats" as a big group of large, beautiful people. I'm happy to report, however, that these large people seem to be making their health a major priority. Sure, we all ate ourselves into a state of turkey-drunkenness, but many of my relatives have recently shed some excess weight. I'll use my cousins Hannah and Evalyn as examples. They signed onto The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge and lost 15 and 16lbs respectiviely! So proud of these long and increasingly lean, beautiful women!
I'm also happy to report GAGA was quite the fixture in this year's festivities. After finally sobering up a bit from our turkey-drunkeness, everyone (except "the men") sat down and watched A Very GAGA Thanksgiving. It was awesomely cheesey and hilarious, but there were also some very touching moments and song selections. If you didn't catch it, I would at least advise you to youtube her performances of Hair, Bad Romance or The (pl)Edge of Glory. I'm just so happy to live in a world where Lady Gaga has her own Thanksgiving special, and it's one my family wants to watch with me! But the highlight of my Thanksgiving likely came on black friday. That morning, rather than migrate to the nearest mall, I cranked the GAGA and held an outdoor, family GAGAerobics session! To watch my sister Liz, aunt Mary and cousins Hannah and Evie follow my lead and GAGAcise in sync was somewhat of a dream come true! It was honestly so much fun!!! I'd love to show you the video my mother took, but we're having trouble uploading it... that, and Ellen may or may not have filmed it upside-down!
uote from a man (I'm now doing everything in my power to resist including a sexist remark about the inferiority of the male psyche). As for my quote, I've been thinking a lot lately about how surprisingly often I discuss the issue of weight with even the most exceptional of women... sadly enough, strong women seem just as plagued by body image issues as the next. As are the thinnest and most fit... it seems, unfortunately, women are taught never to be satisfied with their figures. I'm not saying we shouldn't discuss our weight with one another... I'm merely saying we shouldn't obsess over such issues and have unrealistic expectations for our bodies. On the other hand, we shouldn't make excuses for one another. Ultimately, we must encourage one another to live healthier lifestyles without preaching or conversely beating the dead, "I wish I were skinnier" horse. I warned you earlier about my "preachy" mentality today...
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
A friend of mine, who's coincidentally named Christian, shared the following link to a blog post by "Single Dad Laughing" titled "I'm Christian, unless you're gay" (oddly enough, Christian knows I'm gay and yet he's always referred to himself as such... oh that's rich!). I couldn't sleep this morning, so I thought I'd give it a quick read. Well, there was nothing quick about it, but I'm nevertheless pleased to have read it. If you, too, are having trouble sleeping or perhaps just don't want to study, I encourage you to click the link below and read this (at the very least) thought-provoking blog post.
http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html
If you chose not to spend 15 minutes reading a message that could've been summed up in 5, I'll give you an even more brief synopsis. In this blog entry, Dan Pearce discusses the exclusivity of Christianity and the failure by some of its more rigid, conservative followers to essentially "love thy neighbor" ... particularly if this neighbor is gay, an alcoholic or "different" in some other way. While I'm not crazy about "gayness" being likened to diseases such as alcoholism (my sister was once told being gay is the equivalent to being an alcoholic... that one must resist the tempation for same sex relations, like an alcoholic must avoid the drink), I appreciate the message Pearce is trying to relay -- in order to feel better about themselves, humans who feel inadequate hate and dehumanize those who are different or "sinful." He essentially asks, "Why can't we all just love and get along?"
I, however, find myself asking, "When will we stop referring to my lifestyle as 'alternative' and debating whether it's 'right' or 'wrong'?" I'm confident that day will come, and perhaps even in my lifetime. Until then, I continue my daily struggle to not just tolerate, but accept the unaccepting. Lady Gaga is far better about this (perhaps what I admire most in her), as I can't even sit through an Eminem song without purging. But, I don't think I should have to subject myself to that sort of verbal abuse in order to "accept" Mr. Mathers.
Conan O'Brien joked last night that America can't afford transitions... With that being said, I'm now going to very choppily jump to an overview of my Thanksgiving festivities. I spent the holiday at home in Whitehall with my mom's family. We were missing both sister Kassie and cousin Erik, as well as everyone's favorite uncle Kenny... nevertheless, those of us who were present had an amazing time. I often refer to the "Tjoflats" as a big group of large, beautiful people. I'm happy to report, however, that these large people seem to be making their health a major priority. Sure, we all ate ourselves into a state of turkey-drunkenness, but many of my relatives have recently shed some excess weight. I'll use my cousins Hannah and Evalyn as examples. They signed onto The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge and lost 15 and 16lbs respectiviely! So proud of these long and increasingly lean, beautiful women!
I'm also happy to report GAGA was quite the fixture in this year's festivities. After finally sobering up a bit from our turkey-drunkeness, everyone (except "the men") sat down and watched A Very GAGA Thanksgiving. It was awesomely cheesey and hilarious, but there were also some very touching moments and song selections. If you didn't catch it, I would at least advise you to youtube her performances of Hair, Bad Romance or The (pl)Edge of Glory. I'm just so happy to live in a world where Lady Gaga has her own Thanksgiving special, and it's one my family wants to watch with me! But the highlight of my Thanksgiving likely came on black friday. That morning, rather than migrate to the nearest mall, I cranked the GAGA and held an outdoor, family GAGAerobics session! To watch my sister Liz, aunt Mary and cousins Hannah and Evie follow my lead and GAGAcise in sync was somewhat of a dream come true! It was honestly so much fun!!! I'd love to show you the video my mother took, but we're having trouble uploading it... that, and Ellen may or may not have filmed it upside-down!
uote from a man (I'm now doing everything in my power to resist including a sexist remark about the inferiority of the male psyche). As for my quote, I've been thinking a lot lately about how surprisingly often I discuss the issue of weight with even the most exceptional of women... sadly enough, strong women seem just as plagued by body image issues as the next. As are the thinnest and most fit... it seems, unfortunately, women are taught never to be satisfied with their figures. I'm not saying we shouldn't discuss our weight with one another... I'm merely saying we shouldn't obsess over such issues and have unrealistic expectations for our bodies. On the other hand, we shouldn't make excuses for one another. Ultimately, we must encourage one another to live healthier lifestyles without preaching or conversely beating the dead, "I wish I were skinnier" horse. I warned you earlier about my "preachy" mentality today...
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Monday, November 21, 2011
Fat-Jackie may have won the battle, but skinny-me will win the war!
It's been pert' near three weeks since I last posted... unfortunately, my failure to blog is representative of my lack luster dieting efforts. It's far easier to eat that slice of pizza when you're not preaching to everyone about how you're trying to lose weight! GAGA almighty, I guess I'm that chick that needs everyone watching me, checking up on me in order to accomplish a 40lb feat of this sort. It's funny, though, that I sometimes find myself put off by the fact that people try to keep me in check... I'm annoyed when I hear things like, "Aren't you on a diet?", "GAGAcise lately?" or "Is that fourth drink really necessary?". In reality, I have all but begged for this sort of attention. By proclaiming my intentions and shouting my progress (or lack there of) out loud, I am absolutely setting myself up for critique, advice and even badgering. And I don't mean to sound ungrateful... I'm actually incredibly thankful for those of you keeping me accountable. Would I be as succesful without feeling the need to prove myself to so many?! Absolutely not. As much as this health revolution is a personal voyage, keeping this blog is the ulitmate act of accountability. When you read, I feel pressure to stay on track. For this, I thank you. And while I may seem irked by your "surveillance" or advice, I thank you for that too. Lecture me, question me, scold me all you want... after all, I'm asking for it! But I should warn you, doing so at certain times of the month could be hazardous to your health...
I've officially been "asking for it" for about three and a half months now. In fact, the Pledge of Glory celebrated it's three month anniversary on November 8th. In these three months, I've varied from incredibly well behaved to equally as ill behaved. Maybe it's the late-night, unnecessary Qdoba "fourth meal" talking, but sometimes I feel there have been as many days ruled by fat-Jackie as there have been those dictated by healthy-me. But, now 21.4lbs lighter (down from 221.6 to 200.2), I think healthy-me is in fact winning the war. I met a man recently who put on about 100lbs after he quit playing football for UW. He has since gone from that hefty 350lbs to a healthy, juiced 250 (we'll call this former Badger "Joe")... he told me that he and his former fat-self struggle daily. While healthy Joe insists upon eating a veggie fajita, the fat Joe of yesteryear is inside longing for a double cheeseburger. I've been unhealthy virutally my entire life... at least as long as I've been old enough to make my own diet decisions. Like Joe, I cannot expect to completely transform into healthy-Jackie without occassionally hearing from (and giving into) fat-Jackie. She lives within... and always will.
Anyway, I thought after three months I ought to post some updated semi-nude photos. Like I said before, I'm down roughly 21.4lbs. With that being said, I'd like to think the new photos are a little easier on the eyes. See for yourself...
At 221.6lbs. Buzz's girlfriend... woof.
The Pledge of (221.6lb) Glory.
Looking slightly more glorious
(and hopefully a little less flabulous) at 200.2 lbs.
Is it me or is my back-fat frowning?!
20lbs later, my back-fat is looking less "unhappy" --
my proudest Pledge accomplisment yet!
Sure enough, this Thursday is Thanksgiving!!! I'm planning to do a mini-fast of sorts these next three days so I can enjoy this glutonous holiday in (semi) good conscience. It's not like I can really eat that much anyway. Seriously, if I eat too much these days I feel drunk... honest to GAGA. At work the other day I ate two helpings of grilled squash burried in a delcious red sauce. I was all buzzed upon returning from break, and I told my friend Tony I got "squash wasted." To which he said, "Dude, you got squashed!" I got "squashed" again at work yesterday, as we had a pre-Thanksgiving feast of sorts. This involved me eating far too much turkey, stuffing and frozen veggie medley. When I returned from break, my co-workers wanted to know why I was all red in the face. Once again, I was food wasted. Such an odd sensation!
Well, I suppose I should address The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. For me, getting under 200lbs means meeting this challenge. Last time I checked, I was 200.2... and this was after a night of drinking and a few days of bad eating. So, I would like to think that I'll indeed be under 200lbs come Thursday. Now, after Thursday is another story! Despite the Pledge of Glory, I will be enjoying Thanksgiving the only way I know how...
As for the other Hauser sisters... well, I just spoke with Liz yesterday and it seems she's shed about 7lbs in the last month or so! I know how hard losing 7lbs can be, so I'm incredibly proud of her progress!!! This feat is especially impressive as she devotes much time and energy to her under-paid and under-appreciated profession of teaching (recall Walker!). I haven't had a chance to ask Kassie about her Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge efforts, but I'm sure she's made great progress as well. And even if she hasn't, I'm extremely proud of her most recent accomplishment. On her 26th birthday, Kassie presented her thesis topic to a panel of advisors who were to decide whether she should proceed with this particular topic. After giving a 10 minute presentation, the panel interrogated her for almost 90 minutes. They then deliberated for just 10 minutes before officially approving her topic. While her specific subject is failing me, I do know it involves Alaska and climate change. Nevertheless, Kassie said the whole ordeal was one of the most difficult things she's had to do. I was lucky enough to talk to her almost immediately after, and it was pretty clear this was also one of the most satisfying moments of her life.
Here's hoping y'all are anticipating Thanksgiving festivities even half as fantastic as mine! And here's to my mother and fabulous aunts who each year prepare an insane feast for 20+ food-loving Tjoflat giants! Erik and Kassie, you will be sorely missed at this year's gathering... but at least we won't have to serve Tofurkey again! Nor lie to you about the green bean casserole being made with cream of mushroom soup (pretty sure we've always made it with cream of chicken anyway).
"The cultural fixation on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty but an obsession about female obedience." -- Naomi Wolf
Upon reading this quote, I question whether my health revolution truly is a journey of personal improvement or merely an effort to conform to the absurb physical expecations of our media-infected society. But who am I kidding?! Even if I get down to my desired weight of 180lbs, I'll still be far from ideal by our culture's standards. Being 6 feet tall and "big-boned," I guess I'm forever disobedient. But in passing this quote along to me, my wise friend Paul noted, "A little disobedience is a good thing, don't you think?"
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
I've officially been "asking for it" for about three and a half months now. In fact, the Pledge of Glory celebrated it's three month anniversary on November 8th. In these three months, I've varied from incredibly well behaved to equally as ill behaved. Maybe it's the late-night, unnecessary Qdoba "fourth meal" talking, but sometimes I feel there have been as many days ruled by fat-Jackie as there have been those dictated by healthy-me. But, now 21.4lbs lighter (down from 221.6 to 200.2), I think healthy-me is in fact winning the war. I met a man recently who put on about 100lbs after he quit playing football for UW. He has since gone from that hefty 350lbs to a healthy, juiced 250 (we'll call this former Badger "Joe")... he told me that he and his former fat-self struggle daily. While healthy Joe insists upon eating a veggie fajita, the fat Joe of yesteryear is inside longing for a double cheeseburger. I've been unhealthy virutally my entire life... at least as long as I've been old enough to make my own diet decisions. Like Joe, I cannot expect to completely transform into healthy-Jackie without occassionally hearing from (and giving into) fat-Jackie. She lives within... and always will.
Anyway, I thought after three months I ought to post some updated semi-nude photos. Like I said before, I'm down roughly 21.4lbs. With that being said, I'd like to think the new photos are a little easier on the eyes. See for yourself...
My Christmas gift to y'all! Haha. Looking thinner
through the shoulders and chest, perhaps?
Legs as comically skinny as ever!
(and hopefully a little less flabulous) at 200.2 lbs.
my proudest Pledge accomplisment yet!
Sure enough, this Thursday is Thanksgiving!!! I'm planning to do a mini-fast of sorts these next three days so I can enjoy this glutonous holiday in (semi) good conscience. It's not like I can really eat that much anyway. Seriously, if I eat too much these days I feel drunk... honest to GAGA. At work the other day I ate two helpings of grilled squash burried in a delcious red sauce. I was all buzzed upon returning from break, and I told my friend Tony I got "squash wasted." To which he said, "Dude, you got squashed!" I got "squashed" again at work yesterday, as we had a pre-Thanksgiving feast of sorts. This involved me eating far too much turkey, stuffing and frozen veggie medley. When I returned from break, my co-workers wanted to know why I was all red in the face. Once again, I was food wasted. Such an odd sensation!
Well, I suppose I should address The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. For me, getting under 200lbs means meeting this challenge. Last time I checked, I was 200.2... and this was after a night of drinking and a few days of bad eating. So, I would like to think that I'll indeed be under 200lbs come Thursday. Now, after Thursday is another story! Despite the Pledge of Glory, I will be enjoying Thanksgiving the only way I know how...
As for the other Hauser sisters... well, I just spoke with Liz yesterday and it seems she's shed about 7lbs in the last month or so! I know how hard losing 7lbs can be, so I'm incredibly proud of her progress!!! This feat is especially impressive as she devotes much time and energy to her under-paid and under-appreciated profession of teaching (recall Walker!). I haven't had a chance to ask Kassie about her Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge efforts, but I'm sure she's made great progress as well. And even if she hasn't, I'm extremely proud of her most recent accomplishment. On her 26th birthday, Kassie presented her thesis topic to a panel of advisors who were to decide whether she should proceed with this particular topic. After giving a 10 minute presentation, the panel interrogated her for almost 90 minutes. They then deliberated for just 10 minutes before officially approving her topic. While her specific subject is failing me, I do know it involves Alaska and climate change. Nevertheless, Kassie said the whole ordeal was one of the most difficult things she's had to do. I was lucky enough to talk to her almost immediately after, and it was pretty clear this was also one of the most satisfying moments of her life.
Here's hoping y'all are anticipating Thanksgiving festivities even half as fantastic as mine! And here's to my mother and fabulous aunts who each year prepare an insane feast for 20+ food-loving Tjoflat giants! Erik and Kassie, you will be sorely missed at this year's gathering... but at least we won't have to serve Tofurkey again! Nor lie to you about the green bean casserole being made with cream of mushroom soup (pretty sure we've always made it with cream of chicken anyway).
"The cultural fixation on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty but an obsession about female obedience." -- Naomi Wolf
Upon reading this quote, I question whether my health revolution truly is a journey of personal improvement or merely an effort to conform to the absurb physical expecations of our media-infected society. But who am I kidding?! Even if I get down to my desired weight of 180lbs, I'll still be far from ideal by our culture's standards. Being 6 feet tall and "big-boned," I guess I'm forever disobedient. But in passing this quote along to me, my wise friend Paul noted, "A little disobedience is a good thing, don't you think?"
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Justice Under Gaga
For those of you who don't know, Lady Gaga is an Italian-American. And like many Italian-Americans, GAGA was raised Catholic. Maybe her donning a red nun's habit and "eating" a rosary speaks for itself, but she no longer considers herself a member of the Catholic community... She's not too keen on the Church's demonization of homosexuals. Anyway, I'm not trying to spur any political debates here. I just thought I'd share a lil' story about another one of my favorite Catholic Italian-Americans. For Pledge of Glory purposes, we'll call her "Becks."
Becks is a good friend I studied abroad with in Italy. Every Monday, we'd practice our Italian over some wine... we liked to think our Italian was great when "under the influence." More often than not, however, she'd end up telling me hilarious stories about her Catholic high school. Much of the hilarity is currently escaping me, but I will never forget how this all-girls school referred to detentions -- JUG's -- standing for "justice under God." Lord Almighty, even Sister Mary Elizabeth can appreciate the comical irony in that acronym!
Anyway, enough about those funny Catholics... What I really want to blog about today is my ferocious GAGAween costume!!! My head is slowly shrinking to it's normal size, but after a weekend full of compliments I'm still riding my GAGA-high. Maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the leaner physique, or maybe it was my insane makeup and costuming (compliments of Morgan Boland)... whatever it was, I was feeling (and looking, in my opinion) quite "savagely fierce" (as dictionary.com defines 'ferocious'). At work Sunday, I was literally showing a picture of Jackie Gaga to anyone I deemed remotely interested (guest or co-worker). But decide for yourselves, do I make a hot Gaga or what?!
Lookin' like GAGA's 6ft twin... maybe better, if you ask
Becks is a good friend I studied abroad with in Italy. Every Monday, we'd practice our Italian over some wine... we liked to think our Italian was great when "under the influence." More often than not, however, she'd end up telling me hilarious stories about her Catholic high school. Much of the hilarity is currently escaping me, but I will never forget how this all-girls school referred to detentions -- JUG's -- standing for "justice under God." Lord Almighty, even Sister Mary Elizabeth can appreciate the comical irony in that acronym!
Anyway, enough about those funny Catholics... What I really want to blog about today is my ferocious GAGAween costume!!! My head is slowly shrinking to it's normal size, but after a weekend full of compliments I'm still riding my GAGA-high. Maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the leaner physique, or maybe it was my insane makeup and costuming (compliments of Morgan Boland)... whatever it was, I was feeling (and looking, in my opinion) quite "savagely fierce" (as dictionary.com defines 'ferocious'). At work Sunday, I was literally showing a picture of Jackie Gaga to anyone I deemed remotely interested (guest or co-worker). But decide for yourselves, do I make a hot Gaga or what?!
the Colombian man hitting on me at Club 5 (yet
another gay bay where I pick up men...
surpisingly Enrique was straight).
As fellow GAGAweener AJ Blanchet said,
"Makin' our mamas proud!"
You might not know it looking at this ferocious picture, but
I've had far too much wine at this point... Like GAGA, neither
drunkenness nor brain-eating zombies will spoil my photo.
I'd like to think GAGAerobics has served me well!
After last week's very "woe is me" entry, I'm here to report that all is well in the land of The Pledge of Glory! I'm also here to demand that you never weigh yourself during your period!!! Last week I was all pissy about the fact that I was weighing in at 208.6 (heck, I'd been between 206 and 210lbs the entire month of October). But what do you know... I weighed myself just days later (after my period) and poof! I was magically about 6 lbs lighter! And I'm proud to announce that at some point this week, for the first time since likely 8th grade, the scale read less than 200lbs!!! Even after a long weekend of GAGAween celebrating and neglecting just about every Pledge of Glory "rule," I'm still roughly 202.6lbs. If y'all remember my initial weigh in, I began this journey at 221.6lbs... that brings me to a grand total of 19lbs shed!!! I'm virtually over the moon with excitment! And it seems I will get my professional haircut after all... I promised myself that as a reward for getting under 200lbs and meeting the The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge!!!
Here's hoping you felt as good in your Halloween costumes as I did! I can't wait for the slightest excuse to get back into my GAGA-gear!
“I want women -- and men -- to feel empowered by a deeper and more psychotic part of themselves. The part they're always trying desperately to hide. I want that to become something they cherish.”
-- Lady Gaga
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Monday, October 24, 2011
'Tis hard to teach a fat dog healthy tricks.
I went rollerblading last week in the beautiful farm country that surrounds Madison. On this oh-so-crisp fall day, I got on the amazingly smooth path and flew. I thought I was blading so fast because of my newly rotated wheels, but I found out 30 minutes later it was definitely the gusty wind at my back. When I turned around to head back, I could hardly move. Standing 6'4" on blades and weighing roughly 208.6 lbs (where has all the progress gone?!), I may be the least aerodynamic woman in the world. Rollerblading in the wind felt nearly impossible. At one point I was so exhausted I just turned around and let the wind push me... the powerful gusts would've pushed me as far as I wanted to go, but I soon did an about-face after deciding I'd just have further windy blading to go upon turning around.
As I slowly bladed home, I realized how much blading in the wind is like my Pledge of Glory efforts. When I first began the Pledge, I was incredibly well behaved (in terms of my diet) and totally on board (in terms of my work out routine). The results were desirable and came on quickly. Much like rollerblading with the wind at your back, The Pledge of Glory was fun and even enjoyable. But the wind won't always be at your back, and you'll eventually have to turn around.
The week following the 2 month anniversary of the Pledge of Glory (Oct. 9-16) was that turn-around point for me. For whatever reason, I let myself drink (and not in moderation) three times at the beginning of that week. And every night I got a little buzzed, I deemed it necessary to also stuff myself with late-night, slightly drunken food.... three nights in a row. By Thursday of that week, The Pledge of Glory had gotten so difficult for me I decided to take a break from it all together. Knowing that everybody and my sister (literally) would be coming to Madison to take part in copious eating and drinking that coming weekend, I decided it was as good a time as any to take a Pledge-vacation. I was completely exhausted from rollerblading into the wind, so I decided to turn around and let the gusts push me. And lord, can it be fun to let the wind take you!
But like I said earlier, when the wind's at your back and your just coasting along, you'll eventually come to your senses.... at some point you'll realize that the further you let the wind take you, the further you'll have to blade into it upon turning around. You have to get home eventually, so the sooner you turn around the better. For the Pledge of Glory, "home" is my 40 lb goal. I have to get there eventually, so what's the sense in letting the wind take me further in the wrong direction?
So while the Pledge-vaction was fun and much needed, when Monday, October 17th came along I was ready to hop back on the GAGA-wagon. It was like I was starting the Pledge all over again... I still feel incredibly back on board and so re-commited. My eating habits are back on track, and the exercise portion of the Pledge is as consistent as it's ever been. With my Pledge-vacation I'd even taken a break from blogging, but I'm now back with a vengeance! Once you woman-up and decide to face the wind, you will get some of that momentum back.
I have been between 206 and 210 pounds since the beginning of October. After getting fed up with rollerblading into the wind, I'm back at it. I haven't forgotten about The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge, and I'm still convinced I can get under 200 by that glorious holiday. Perhaps it's a steap goal, but I'm shooting for the stars and hoping to at least land among them. When I get discouraged (and I do... especially when the scale read 208.6lbs yesterday), I remember how good I feel about my increasingly svelte self. In fact, I went shopping last night with my friend Morgan and had a blast. Morgan now works at the Buckle, of all places, and I let her bring me pair of jeans, after pair of jeans, after pair of jeans. Prior to this little shopping excursion, I was convinced that store had nothing for people my size. But they do, and a once tyring and painful experience was no longer such an emotional process. Here's to hitting a plateau and still feeling good about the Pledge!
And here's hoping I'll be able to get into bars in my Judas inspired GAGA-ween costume! I'll literally be wearing boy-short panties over my fishnets... so hopefully this is viewed as "appropriate" attire. I mean, GAGA goes everywhere pant-less. Why can't I?!
"I say if you got it, flaunt it. You gotta show off that bunt cake!" -- a cow from one of those California milk commercials I hate so much... nevertheless, some very wise words!
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
As I slowly bladed home, I realized how much blading in the wind is like my Pledge of Glory efforts. When I first began the Pledge, I was incredibly well behaved (in terms of my diet) and totally on board (in terms of my work out routine). The results were desirable and came on quickly. Much like rollerblading with the wind at your back, The Pledge of Glory was fun and even enjoyable. But the wind won't always be at your back, and you'll eventually have to turn around.
The week following the 2 month anniversary of the Pledge of Glory (Oct. 9-16) was that turn-around point for me. For whatever reason, I let myself drink (and not in moderation) three times at the beginning of that week. And every night I got a little buzzed, I deemed it necessary to also stuff myself with late-night, slightly drunken food.... three nights in a row. By Thursday of that week, The Pledge of Glory had gotten so difficult for me I decided to take a break from it all together. Knowing that everybody and my sister (literally) would be coming to Madison to take part in copious eating and drinking that coming weekend, I decided it was as good a time as any to take a Pledge-vacation. I was completely exhausted from rollerblading into the wind, so I decided to turn around and let the gusts push me. And lord, can it be fun to let the wind take you!
But like I said earlier, when the wind's at your back and your just coasting along, you'll eventually come to your senses.... at some point you'll realize that the further you let the wind take you, the further you'll have to blade into it upon turning around. You have to get home eventually, so the sooner you turn around the better. For the Pledge of Glory, "home" is my 40 lb goal. I have to get there eventually, so what's the sense in letting the wind take me further in the wrong direction?
So while the Pledge-vaction was fun and much needed, when Monday, October 17th came along I was ready to hop back on the GAGA-wagon. It was like I was starting the Pledge all over again... I still feel incredibly back on board and so re-commited. My eating habits are back on track, and the exercise portion of the Pledge is as consistent as it's ever been. With my Pledge-vacation I'd even taken a break from blogging, but I'm now back with a vengeance! Once you woman-up and decide to face the wind, you will get some of that momentum back.
I have been between 206 and 210 pounds since the beginning of October. After getting fed up with rollerblading into the wind, I'm back at it. I haven't forgotten about The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge, and I'm still convinced I can get under 200 by that glorious holiday. Perhaps it's a steap goal, but I'm shooting for the stars and hoping to at least land among them. When I get discouraged (and I do... especially when the scale read 208.6lbs yesterday), I remember how good I feel about my increasingly svelte self. In fact, I went shopping last night with my friend Morgan and had a blast. Morgan now works at the Buckle, of all places, and I let her bring me pair of jeans, after pair of jeans, after pair of jeans. Prior to this little shopping excursion, I was convinced that store had nothing for people my size. But they do, and a once tyring and painful experience was no longer such an emotional process. Here's to hitting a plateau and still feeling good about the Pledge!
And here's hoping I'll be able to get into bars in my Judas inspired GAGA-ween costume! I'll literally be wearing boy-short panties over my fishnets... so hopefully this is viewed as "appropriate" attire. I mean, GAGA goes everywhere pant-less. Why can't I?!
"I say if you got it, flaunt it. You gotta show off that bunt cake!" -- a cow from one of those California milk commercials I hate so much... nevertheless, some very wise words!
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
And so, we celebrate.
Yes, I am celebrating many things this week. First and foremost, I celebrated my first National Coming Out Day as an openly gay woman. Here's to the amazing people in my life who love me just as much as ever... many of whom pretended to act surprised when I came out to them, and others who responded with a "Well, duh." or "It's about time." Whatever your reaction, I thank each and every one of you for your loving support. While this is slightly overdue (both my coming out and the matter I'm about to address), I continue to celebrate the engagement of my sister Kassie and her beloved Sasha. No, she's not marrying a drag queen... Sasha is allegedly the Russian equivalent of the name Alexander. Here's to their highly anticipated hippie wedding! And Sasha, we're so pleased to welcome someone like you, who makes Kassie so very happy, into our family. And last, but certainly not least, I'm celebrating the two month anniversary of The Pledge of Glory!!! These two months of (relatively) healthy eating and GAGAcising have truly paid off... roughly 60 days ago I weighed in at a whopping 221.6 lbs. The last time I stepped on a scale, however, I'm proud to say it read 206.3 lbs! That's a total of 15.3 lbs shed!!! I can't tell you how good it feels to finally button that pair of jeans I haven't worn since high school and to have my work pants literally falling off my ass. And hey, not suffering through bi-daily diarrhea episodes is pretty damn nice too.
I think I'll take this joyous moment, this the day after National Coming Out Day, to tell my coming out story. Again, I refer to my official coming out as the day I told my parents. Who knows, if it weren't for The Rainbow Air Purifying and Vacuum System I may still be a closeted lesbo.
It all began the last weekend in June. I had just been hired to sell The Rainbow, and my boss had given me $50 to drive home and practice the" informercial" on those I love and feel most comfortable around. This also happened to be the weekend of Minneapolis Pride, so I had every intention of killing two birds with one stone (note, no birds were actually harmed in my coming out process). I sat my mother down and began giving her the little spiel. Things were going releatively smoothly, until I began getting calls and texts from my beloved cousin Erik and my dear friend Monique... you see, I was planning to go to Pride with Erik on either Friday or Saturday and spend time with Monique and our friend Shane the other night. But I was freaking out about which day would be better for which, and my mother just couldn't understand my predicament. I mean, she knew I was going to Minneapolis to visit Cousin Erik, but she had no idea we'd be partaking in the Pride festivities. And that's exactly why I was freaking out...I was so concerned about concealing the actual reason I was going to Minneapolis and ultimately concealing my sexual identity. So I said to myself, "Jackie, just come out with it. Be honest with your mother."
So I abruptly stopped The Rainbow presentation to come out to my mother, saying, "Ok, Mom. I have something more important to tell you. I don't exactly identify as a lesbian... I consider myself a bisexual. Well, let me put it this way. On a scale from 1, being very straight, to 6, being very gay, I'm a 4.85." To which she responded, "Oh my word, Jackie." I've decided this was her way of pretending to be surprised... after all, I dreamt of being the first female NFL player as a child. Anyway, we talked the matter over for a few minutes and my dad finally walked in on the conversation. I said, "Dad, did you hear what we're talking about?" He said no. "Well, I just told Mom I'm gay or bi or whatever." He literally chuckled and hugged me. It wasn't until this moment that I got upset... I just felt like he didn't take such a monumental announcement very seriously. But my mother explained his reaction was merely nervous laughter, and all was well. Leave it to Mom to make this delicate situation comical... she ended the conversation saying, "You know, they say when you have daughters that sons will come later... maybe not!" I guess the whole ordeal was already pretty comical... after all, I came out to my parents when trying to sell them a $2,000 Rainbow vacuum.
Here's hoping The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge will go a little better from here on out... I haven't exactly upped my game since signing on to this mini-pledge, and dropping 10 lbs by Thanksgiving is not gonna be easy! But, it's a new day and a new opportunity to kick some Pledge of Glory ass!
"Gay people are only as cool as their rebelious straight middle sisters." -- the newly engaged Kassie Hauser
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
I think I'll take this joyous moment, this the day after National Coming Out Day, to tell my coming out story. Again, I refer to my official coming out as the day I told my parents. Who knows, if it weren't for The Rainbow Air Purifying and Vacuum System I may still be a closeted lesbo.
It all began the last weekend in June. I had just been hired to sell The Rainbow, and my boss had given me $50 to drive home and practice the" informercial" on those I love and feel most comfortable around. This also happened to be the weekend of Minneapolis Pride, so I had every intention of killing two birds with one stone (note, no birds were actually harmed in my coming out process). I sat my mother down and began giving her the little spiel. Things were going releatively smoothly, until I began getting calls and texts from my beloved cousin Erik and my dear friend Monique... you see, I was planning to go to Pride with Erik on either Friday or Saturday and spend time with Monique and our friend Shane the other night. But I was freaking out about which day would be better for which, and my mother just couldn't understand my predicament. I mean, she knew I was going to Minneapolis to visit Cousin Erik, but she had no idea we'd be partaking in the Pride festivities. And that's exactly why I was freaking out...I was so concerned about concealing the actual reason I was going to Minneapolis and ultimately concealing my sexual identity. So I said to myself, "Jackie, just come out with it. Be honest with your mother."
So I abruptly stopped The Rainbow presentation to come out to my mother, saying, "Ok, Mom. I have something more important to tell you. I don't exactly identify as a lesbian... I consider myself a bisexual. Well, let me put it this way. On a scale from 1, being very straight, to 6, being very gay, I'm a 4.85." To which she responded, "Oh my word, Jackie." I've decided this was her way of pretending to be surprised... after all, I dreamt of being the first female NFL player as a child. Anyway, we talked the matter over for a few minutes and my dad finally walked in on the conversation. I said, "Dad, did you hear what we're talking about?" He said no. "Well, I just told Mom I'm gay or bi or whatever." He literally chuckled and hugged me. It wasn't until this moment that I got upset... I just felt like he didn't take such a monumental announcement very seriously. But my mother explained his reaction was merely nervous laughter, and all was well. Leave it to Mom to make this delicate situation comical... she ended the conversation saying, "You know, they say when you have daughters that sons will come later... maybe not!" I guess the whole ordeal was already pretty comical... after all, I came out to my parents when trying to sell them a $2,000 Rainbow vacuum.
Here's hoping The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge will go a little better from here on out... I haven't exactly upped my game since signing on to this mini-pledge, and dropping 10 lbs by Thanksgiving is not gonna be easy! But, it's a new day and a new opportunity to kick some Pledge of Glory ass!
"Gay people are only as cool as their rebelious straight middle sisters." -- the newly engaged Kassie Hauser
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge!
Oh, lord...The Pledge of Glory has been a real challenge lately. Not so much the exercising part, but the whole eating, shall we say, "responsibly" part. This week was supposed to mark the revitalization of The Pledge, but something possesed me to visit Paul Bunyan's Cook Shanty in Wisconsin Dells. And that something, was my dear friend Hillary... she's moving to Florida, so I thought she should have an awesomely cheesey Wisconsin send-off. But unless you aspire to be yet another morbidly obese American, you should probably never go to the Cook Shanty. I didn't know that Paul Bunyan's would serve up an all-you-can-eat, family style breakfast feast of Thanksgiving proportions when I suggested it, but I should've guessed it. Needless to say, I embraced my inner Paula Bunyan and feasted. The only sign of The Pledge was when I cut my homemade doughnut in half... Soon enough, however, I was helping myself to seconds of biscuits and gravy, fried potatoes, sausage links and pancakes that rival even those of Randy's Family Restaurant. But heck, we had a damn good time, and although I walked away perhaps three pounds heavier, I also left the proud owner of a t-shirt that reads "nuthin' like a good s'moregasm."
Speaking of that awesome t-shirt, well, I just couldn't wait to put it on...so I disappeared to the side of the building where I thought I was semi-hidden and could quickly slip it on. Of course, right as I was shirtless, this frickin' 4 year old boy peaked around the corner and got more than he bargained for. He's likely been wondering since why that strange boy was wearing a bra, and I would venture to say he had nigthmares about it last night.
Of all days to visit Paul Bunyan's Gluton Shanty, I chose to do so the day after I signed on to The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. So what exactly is The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge? Well, The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge is really quite self explanatory. My sisters and I have each pledged to lose 10lbs by Thanksgiving... hense the name, The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. If my calculations are correct and The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge goes as planned, I'll weigh in at just under 200lbs by that glorious holiday. What a momentus occasion it will be and all thanks to this pledge within a pledge known as The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge! I don't think I've been under 200lbs since those 2 weeks in eigth grade when I was uncharacteristically skinny. Anyway, if you've been looking for a little motivation to lose some weight, why not sign on to The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge yourself?! My new friend and fellow co-worker Melissa is already on board for The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. Why not you?! Unless, of course, you're already a skinny bitch and have little to no weight to lose... In that case, forego The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge and just try out some GAGAerobics for the hell of it! Speaking of which, I promise to post a GAGAerobics video very soon so y'all can see how it's done (and also laugh at the ridiculocity of it all).
Here's hoping the male hotel guests can keep their composure around me... first they compliment my Danny Zukko hair...then they're calling me "a tall drink of water." Not exactly my target audience, but hey, gotta love the ego-boost. And, of course, here's to The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge!!! I'd love to hear if you plan to take the challenge yourself!
"I am the one who got myself fat, who did all the eating. So I had to take full responsibility for it." -- Kirstie Alley
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Speaking of that awesome t-shirt, well, I just couldn't wait to put it on...so I disappeared to the side of the building where I thought I was semi-hidden and could quickly slip it on. Of course, right as I was shirtless, this frickin' 4 year old boy peaked around the corner and got more than he bargained for. He's likely been wondering since why that strange boy was wearing a bra, and I would venture to say he had nigthmares about it last night.
Of all days to visit Paul Bunyan's Gluton Shanty, I chose to do so the day after I signed on to The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. So what exactly is The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge? Well, The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge is really quite self explanatory. My sisters and I have each pledged to lose 10lbs by Thanksgiving... hense the name, The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. If my calculations are correct and The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge goes as planned, I'll weigh in at just under 200lbs by that glorious holiday. What a momentus occasion it will be and all thanks to this pledge within a pledge known as The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge! I don't think I've been under 200lbs since those 2 weeks in eigth grade when I was uncharacteristically skinny. Anyway, if you've been looking for a little motivation to lose some weight, why not sign on to The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge yourself?! My new friend and fellow co-worker Melissa is already on board for The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. Why not you?! Unless, of course, you're already a skinny bitch and have little to no weight to lose... In that case, forego The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge and just try out some GAGAerobics for the hell of it! Speaking of which, I promise to post a GAGAerobics video very soon so y'all can see how it's done (and also laugh at the ridiculocity of it all).
Here's hoping the male hotel guests can keep their composure around me... first they compliment my Danny Zukko hair...then they're calling me "a tall drink of water." Not exactly my target audience, but hey, gotta love the ego-boost. And, of course, here's to The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge!!! I'd love to hear if you plan to take the challenge yourself!
"I am the one who got myself fat, who did all the eating. So I had to take full responsibility for it." -- Kirstie Alley
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
The week of the metaphorical "step back"
As the title suggests, I was not the most diligent of "pledgers" this week. Despite the many steps forward I feel I've taken, I'd call this week an overall "step back." Considering my most recent weigh in (down to 209.8... a total loss of 11.8lbs!), I think I'm being a little rough on myself... however, I'm well aware that the next 30 lbs will not come off if I keep this behavior up.
It all started on Thursday night. Actually, it started Wednesday night when I couldn't resist the temptation of a McDonald's hot fudge sundae... But hey, of all the things I could eat at McDonald's, a hot fudge sundae is definitely the lesser of many evils. Well, perhaps my pledge vacation really began last weekend when I drank more than a "moderate" amount alcohol and decided to get some late-night, slightly drunk food... I'm often left unsatisfied with such dining escapades, but that was definitely not the case last weekend. I had the most delicious tacos known to woman, leaving me with the lasting imperssion of drunk-food as an ever-satisfying experience. Not good.
Anyway...back to Thursday. I went out to dinner with my dear roommate Sean and his wonderful sister Jessie as well as her equally wonderful boyfriend Joe. We met at this east-African restaurant, and since I'd never been before I'd decided I could go "all out." And go all out I did. Not only did I get a beer, I also opted for the combo platter rather than the normal, single portion. Guess who ate every crumb or dollup of her gravy/curry-esque "slop" (for lack of better descriptors)?! I sure as hell did. I also ate the majority of the spongey sourdough tortilla of sorts it was served on... I apologize for the very rough and improper (yet hopefully non-offensive) terminology. I wasn't really suffering from eater's remorse, however, as I know the occasional "step back" will happen. But I did feel a little guilty about the fact that Jessie and Joe treated... what doll-faces!
Speaking of Jessie and Joe, I actually met them in the middle of a GAGAerobics session. I was likely on the floor doing one of my many abdominal exercises, but observers unfamiliar with GAGAcise could easily mistake such techniques for birthing methods. And, per usual, I was sweating like an 8th grade boy at a roller rink... for those of you who haven't been to a roller rink in awhile, that's pretty damn sweaty (yes, I was just at a roller rink last weekend).
Back to my pledge-deviation. Well, not only did I eat too much African cuisine on Thursday night, I then decided to get some frozen yogurt. And by some, I mean a copius amount of it. Sure, frozen yogurt's not all that bad for you. But once you add some Twix pieces, chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, graham cracker crumbs and cookie dough, your once healthy treat has become no more than a vehicle for chocolate.
The week of the metaphorical "step back" continued on Saturday night. AJ, one of my best gay boyfriends, was having a housewarming party. There was much wine and hors d'oeuvres involved, and once again I was not holding back. Deciding I could drink as much as I wanted lead to the decision that I could eat whatever I wanted. AJ and his roommates Jon and Tiffany are quite the little kitchen warriors, so I was unable to resist their pesto pizzas, tomato tarts, quiches, cheeses and LITTLE SMOKIES! And Jon may have single handedly destroyed The Pledge of Glory with his lemon ricotta cookies... seriously, these were the most delicious non-chocolate cookies ever. I had not one, not two, but three of them. It seems I had triple portions of everything I ate that night... the Jackie of yesteryear was back. It was actually a little frightening. It was as if I was getting this high from knowing I was cheating on my diet... I kept eating not because I wanted to, but because I knew I wasn't supposed to being so. I guess that's how dieitng goody-goodies "rebel." How pathetic.
Just as my food choices had been lack-luster, so was my exercise routine. I took the whole weekend off from GAGAerobics, and this likely had much to do with my pledge-deviation. Just hearing the music is enough to motivate me. So yesterday when I GAGAcised for the first time in what felt like forever, I was instantly back on the wagon. It's a new week and a new opportunity to kick some Pledge of Glory ass.
Here's hoping that, unlike my dream last night, I'm able to refrain from competitive cupcake eating contests!
"I just wanted to take a moment because we lost a little monster this week... Jamey, I know you're looking down on us and you're not a victim, you're a lesson to all of us." -- Lady Gaga (when dedicating her song "Hair" to Jamey Rodemeyer, a bullied gay 14-year-old who recently took his life)
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
It all started on Thursday night. Actually, it started Wednesday night when I couldn't resist the temptation of a McDonald's hot fudge sundae... But hey, of all the things I could eat at McDonald's, a hot fudge sundae is definitely the lesser of many evils. Well, perhaps my pledge vacation really began last weekend when I drank more than a "moderate" amount alcohol and decided to get some late-night, slightly drunk food... I'm often left unsatisfied with such dining escapades, but that was definitely not the case last weekend. I had the most delicious tacos known to woman, leaving me with the lasting imperssion of drunk-food as an ever-satisfying experience. Not good.
Anyway...back to Thursday. I went out to dinner with my dear roommate Sean and his wonderful sister Jessie as well as her equally wonderful boyfriend Joe. We met at this east-African restaurant, and since I'd never been before I'd decided I could go "all out." And go all out I did. Not only did I get a beer, I also opted for the combo platter rather than the normal, single portion. Guess who ate every crumb or dollup of her gravy/curry-esque "slop" (for lack of better descriptors)?! I sure as hell did. I also ate the majority of the spongey sourdough tortilla of sorts it was served on... I apologize for the very rough and improper (yet hopefully non-offensive) terminology. I wasn't really suffering from eater's remorse, however, as I know the occasional "step back" will happen. But I did feel a little guilty about the fact that Jessie and Joe treated... what doll-faces!
Speaking of Jessie and Joe, I actually met them in the middle of a GAGAerobics session. I was likely on the floor doing one of my many abdominal exercises, but observers unfamiliar with GAGAcise could easily mistake such techniques for birthing methods. And, per usual, I was sweating like an 8th grade boy at a roller rink... for those of you who haven't been to a roller rink in awhile, that's pretty damn sweaty (yes, I was just at a roller rink last weekend).
Back to my pledge-deviation. Well, not only did I eat too much African cuisine on Thursday night, I then decided to get some frozen yogurt. And by some, I mean a copius amount of it. Sure, frozen yogurt's not all that bad for you. But once you add some Twix pieces, chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, graham cracker crumbs and cookie dough, your once healthy treat has become no more than a vehicle for chocolate.
The week of the metaphorical "step back" continued on Saturday night. AJ, one of my best gay boyfriends, was having a housewarming party. There was much wine and hors d'oeuvres involved, and once again I was not holding back. Deciding I could drink as much as I wanted lead to the decision that I could eat whatever I wanted. AJ and his roommates Jon and Tiffany are quite the little kitchen warriors, so I was unable to resist their pesto pizzas, tomato tarts, quiches, cheeses and LITTLE SMOKIES! And Jon may have single handedly destroyed The Pledge of Glory with his lemon ricotta cookies... seriously, these were the most delicious non-chocolate cookies ever. I had not one, not two, but three of them. It seems I had triple portions of everything I ate that night... the Jackie of yesteryear was back. It was actually a little frightening. It was as if I was getting this high from knowing I was cheating on my diet... I kept eating not because I wanted to, but because I knew I wasn't supposed to being so. I guess that's how dieitng goody-goodies "rebel." How pathetic.
Just as my food choices had been lack-luster, so was my exercise routine. I took the whole weekend off from GAGAerobics, and this likely had much to do with my pledge-deviation. Just hearing the music is enough to motivate me. So yesterday when I GAGAcised for the first time in what felt like forever, I was instantly back on the wagon. It's a new week and a new opportunity to kick some Pledge of Glory ass.
Here's hoping that, unlike my dream last night, I'm able to refrain from competitive cupcake eating contests!
"I just wanted to take a moment because we lost a little monster this week... Jamey, I know you're looking down on us and you're not a victim, you're a lesson to all of us." -- Lady Gaga (when dedicating her song "Hair" to Jamey Rodemeyer, a bullied gay 14-year-old who recently took his life)
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Monday, September 19, 2011
And first...the bad news.
Yes, there is yet more good and bad news in the land of GAGAerobics. The bad news is (as if I need to tell you), I suck at keeping up with this blog! Again, it's been two weeks :S In my defense, I'm having some major issues accessing the internet at our apartment...so, the only place I can get online is work, and I often don't have time there to post an entire blog. They actually expect me to do hotel-related things there! The gall! But I also have good news, and it's very good news -- I'm far better at the losing weight aspect of The Pledge than I am the blogging portion of it! Just how much better you ask?! Well, The Pledge of Glory officially began on August 8...exactly 6 weeks ago. In these past 6 weeks I've managed to drop 10.5 lbs!!! I'm down from 221.6 lbs to 210.1!!! Believe me when I say, if I can do it anyone can.
Not that this has been easy by any means, but everything I've done has been very reasonable...you know, things I can feasibly continue come late April. Sure, I'm "dieting," but Lord knows I never go hungry. The way I see it, I can eat as many "fruits of the earth" as I'd like...fruits, veggies, nuts, etc. And don't think I never cheat...I do (especially on the weekends). But when I do, I try my darndest to apply the Ellen Hauser method: consume very sensible portions (at the Old Fashioned the other night, that meant eating 6 cheese curds as opposed to an entire order, and drinking one beer as opposed to four plus). And my exercise routine is also very do-able. I probably do GAGAerobics 3-4 times a week, and supplement that with rollerblading at least twice a week. I can't tell you how effective GAGAerobics is! I seriously sweat my tits off every time I do it...well, I'd like to think I'm sweating my love-handles and side-boobs off instead ;) Perhaps the best thing about GAGAerobics is its efficiency... if I'm running short on time (Lord knows I always am), I simply put in The Fame Monster. This, GAGA's second CD, is only 35 minutes long! Seriously, every single one of us can set asside a half an hour for exercise! Especially if it's this fun...
But just because it's fun, doesn't mean it's easy. Right, Shane Buchli?! I hate to throw you under the bus, love, but "the people" need to hear just how challenging GAGAerobics can be! My dearest Shane came down to Madison last weekend for a visit. So, naturally, we decided to do a little GAGAerobics together. I kid you not, we were 4 songs in and Shane opted to sit the second half of the CD out! And Shane is not an unshapely man...he regularly runs and plays tennis! Since our little GAGAcising session, Shane has crafted a pledge of his own...he's vowed to do 30 minutes of MADONNAerobics each day until the spring release of her newest CD. When watching me GAGAcise, Shane called me "an inspiration," and I doubt I've ever been more proud. Such supportive friends and family have played a large role in the success of The Pledge of Glory.
Well, enough with all this talk...it's time to get an extended GAGAerobics session in!!! I'm gonna pop the Born This Way CD in and dance off the pounds ala Richard Simmons!!! Again, I invite each and every one of you to join me! Seriously, any time!
Can't get enough Pledge of Glory?! Follow me each dance-step of the way on Twitter @PledgeOfGlory (or Jackie Hauser...I still don't fully understand this whole Twitter thing). Like Shane Buchli, I'd love to know if you've crafted a pledge of your own! If so, tweet at me, facebook me or comment on my blog!
Here's hoping the female hotel guest I referred to as "sir" (not once, but twice) will eventually forgive me :S Oh, and avoid the peaches at Trader Joes, but do not hesitate to buy their nectarines!!!
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
"You want to live the dream? You do what you want on your own terms." - Courtney Love
Jackie
Not that this has been easy by any means, but everything I've done has been very reasonable...you know, things I can feasibly continue come late April. Sure, I'm "dieting," but Lord knows I never go hungry. The way I see it, I can eat as many "fruits of the earth" as I'd like...fruits, veggies, nuts, etc. And don't think I never cheat...I do (especially on the weekends). But when I do, I try my darndest to apply the Ellen Hauser method: consume very sensible portions (at the Old Fashioned the other night, that meant eating 6 cheese curds as opposed to an entire order, and drinking one beer as opposed to four plus). And my exercise routine is also very do-able. I probably do GAGAerobics 3-4 times a week, and supplement that with rollerblading at least twice a week. I can't tell you how effective GAGAerobics is! I seriously sweat my tits off every time I do it...well, I'd like to think I'm sweating my love-handles and side-boobs off instead ;) Perhaps the best thing about GAGAerobics is its efficiency... if I'm running short on time (Lord knows I always am), I simply put in The Fame Monster. This, GAGA's second CD, is only 35 minutes long! Seriously, every single one of us can set asside a half an hour for exercise! Especially if it's this fun...
But just because it's fun, doesn't mean it's easy. Right, Shane Buchli?! I hate to throw you under the bus, love, but "the people" need to hear just how challenging GAGAerobics can be! My dearest Shane came down to Madison last weekend for a visit. So, naturally, we decided to do a little GAGAerobics together. I kid you not, we were 4 songs in and Shane opted to sit the second half of the CD out! And Shane is not an unshapely man...he regularly runs and plays tennis! Since our little GAGAcising session, Shane has crafted a pledge of his own...he's vowed to do 30 minutes of MADONNAerobics each day until the spring release of her newest CD. When watching me GAGAcise, Shane called me "an inspiration," and I doubt I've ever been more proud. Such supportive friends and family have played a large role in the success of The Pledge of Glory.
Well, enough with all this talk...it's time to get an extended GAGAerobics session in!!! I'm gonna pop the Born This Way CD in and dance off the pounds ala Richard Simmons!!! Again, I invite each and every one of you to join me! Seriously, any time!
Can't get enough Pledge of Glory?! Follow me each dance-step of the way on Twitter @PledgeOfGlory (or Jackie Hauser...I still don't fully understand this whole Twitter thing). Like Shane Buchli, I'd love to know if you've crafted a pledge of your own! If so, tweet at me, facebook me or comment on my blog!
Here's hoping the female hotel guest I referred to as "sir" (not once, but twice) will eventually forgive me :S Oh, and avoid the peaches at Trader Joes, but do not hesitate to buy their nectarines!!!
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
"You want to live the dream? You do what you want on your own terms." - Courtney Love
Jackie
Monday, September 5, 2011
Ok, Cupid...
Well, y'all... I'm not one to disseminate stereotypes about women. After all, I am one... and a feminist at that. However, the free online dating service "Ok Cupid" has me wondering whether women are as perplexing, moody and hard to read as men like to think we are. I've, shall we say, "pursued" very few women, but in each attempt I've been rejected (what a harsh word) by chicks who have given me every reason to believe they're quite in to me. Wouldn't texts like "Is that an inivitation? Lol. Can't wait." and "Do you at some point want to have children?" lead you to believe one is rather interested? And in the case of the latter, extremely interested? Lord, the first and only date I've gone on as a result of Ok Cupid seemed to go well. Sure, it was pretty obvious (likely to both of us) that we didn't have a whole lot in common, but she texted immediately after and said "I had fun :)." Not to mention the several seemingly desperate texts I got prior to the date. Nevertheless, I never heard from her again... even after I drunkenly texted her a couple days later. It's not like I'm extremely disappointed about the whole affair, I'm just a little puzzled. Who am I kidding?! I wanted to have children with this girl!
Moving on... Well, there have been both good and bad happenings in the land of GAGAerobics. First, I incorporated my new balance ball (courtesy Jeff and Ellen Hauser) into the routine today! It'll be a great way to keeps things fresh. Unfortuntalely, one of my other new additions, the shake weight, is out of commission. That's what I get for ordering the damn thing on Amazon! Take it from me, when you purchase a shake weight of your own, and you should, spend the extra money and buy it at Target.
In other news, despite eating an entire Falbo's calzone last night (give me a break, I hadn't eaten any variation of pizza in almost a month!), I seem to be down 5 or 6 lbs! If I can trust my dear friend Morgan's scale, I'm down from 221.6 to 215.7 lbs!!! Damn... I can't tell you how stoked I am about that! Speaking of Morgan, a former roommate of two years and one of my very best friends, the poor girl seems to be bearing the entire brunt of my dieting rage. I don't know how she came to be so lucky. Wait, perhaps it's not dieting frustration directed at Morgan... maybe it has something to do with the fact she thinks I wear too much product in my hair. How dare she?! If you've seen my hair lately, you know it's perfection. And you likely know who's responsible for it...Morgan! Can't thank you enough, girl.
Here's hoping I'll stop being such a biyotch to Ms. Morgan... and that I'm able to find some remotely delicious peaches (Trader Joe's has nothing on the Amish either).
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
"Do not allow people to dim your shine because they are blinded. Tell them to put on some sunglasses, cuz we were born this way bitch!" - Lady Gaga
Jackie
Moving on... Well, there have been both good and bad happenings in the land of GAGAerobics. First, I incorporated my new balance ball (courtesy Jeff and Ellen Hauser) into the routine today! It'll be a great way to keeps things fresh. Unfortuntalely, one of my other new additions, the shake weight, is out of commission. That's what I get for ordering the damn thing on Amazon! Take it from me, when you purchase a shake weight of your own, and you should, spend the extra money and buy it at Target.
In other news, despite eating an entire Falbo's calzone last night (give me a break, I hadn't eaten any variation of pizza in almost a month!), I seem to be down 5 or 6 lbs! If I can trust my dear friend Morgan's scale, I'm down from 221.6 to 215.7 lbs!!! Damn... I can't tell you how stoked I am about that! Speaking of Morgan, a former roommate of two years and one of my very best friends, the poor girl seems to be bearing the entire brunt of my dieting rage. I don't know how she came to be so lucky. Wait, perhaps it's not dieting frustration directed at Morgan... maybe it has something to do with the fact she thinks I wear too much product in my hair. How dare she?! If you've seen my hair lately, you know it's perfection. And you likely know who's responsible for it...Morgan! Can't thank you enough, girl.
Here's hoping I'll stop being such a biyotch to Ms. Morgan... and that I'm able to find some remotely delicious peaches (Trader Joe's has nothing on the Amish either).
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
"Do not allow people to dim your shine because they are blinded. Tell them to put on some sunglasses, cuz we were born this way bitch!" - Lady Gaga
Jackie
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Cold Pack Cheese Food
Wow, it's been nearly two weeks since I last posted. Unacceptable. I'll spare you the excuses and move on (or I'll talk about them at length throughout the blog).
Anyway...I bet you're wondering just what "Cold Pack Cheese Food" is. Well, this brings me to my first excuse. One of the main reasons why I took a little hiatus from posting was the four days I spent in northern Wisconsin. I just so happened to have a few days off from work, and my long lost friend Brianna was returning from her Montana summer holiday. So, I got to join Brianna and her sister Alyssa as well as Mumma Paula up north at their lovely cabin. Although Brianna and I were actually quite diligent in maintaining our workout routines (btw, Tae Bo scares dogs), northern Wisconsin is perhaps the least diet-friendly place in the world. There are just so many variations of cheese begging to be eaten... cheese curds... string cheese... cheese and crackers... and the worst (yet most delicious) of them all -- "cold pack cheese food." So what is this strange form of cheese? Well, "cold pack cheese food" resembles that Mertz port wine cheese spread Wisconsinites are so fond of. I'm not sure that Mertz's spreads are made with mayo, but I know for a fact that "cold pack cheese food" is. So, we were basically eating a whipped combination of cheese and mayo.... only in Wisconsin! Yeah, and only Wisconsinites would dip their already batter-fried cheese curds into a blue cheese dip...uff da. If you don't know what I'm talking about, than you haven't been to Madison's beloved restaurant, "The Old Fashioned."
I'd like to tell you that other than the "cold pack cheese food" I was rather well behaved up north in terms of my diet. Sure, relatively speaking I was, but the temptations of northern Wisconsin are pert' near unavoidable. For instance, when Alyssa, Brianna and I went to the local Birchwood tavern "Big Sexy's," we just couldn't help but try their specialty brew. You guessed it, they had "Big Sexy" on tap. I did relatively well, having only two Big Sexies. Perhaps that had something to do with the fact that Big Sexy on tap is actually just...woah, I'd better stop there! I'm pretty sure we promised Big Sexy himself that we wouldn't reveal the true identity of Big Sexy beer. What I can tell you is that it's a Whitehall favorite and is brewed by Anheuser-Busch. It's also a beer that is typically found only in cans. Apparently, it's tapped alter-ego is referred to as "Big Sexy." As for Big Sexy the man, well, he was neither big nor sexy...buzz kill. Lets just say we amazon queens dwarfed him in both size and sex appeal (as we do most others)! Oh, and I couldn't avoid eating a teriyaki beef stick at Big Sexy's either :S
I was faced with perhaps the ultimate northern Wisco temptation when I visited Eau Claire's famous Randy's Family Restaurant. I dare you to go there for breakfast and not get their "Hungry Man." Of course, it's easier for feminist me to refuse a meal with such a sexist name, but nevertheless, it's still quite tempting! Instead, my dear friend Paul and I shared the vegetarian omelet with wheat toast. And the damned omelet didn't even have cheese! My gawd, I did pretty well at Randy's! I also drank about 6 cups of coffee, which to me is like taking a laxative! Now, don't get all in a tizzy... I do not and will not stoop to using laxatives as a weight loss method. I had my fair share of diarrhea in Italy (was it the olive oil?!), and I'm damn sick of it! And for the record, when ordering the Hungry Man breakfast at Randy's in the past, I would always refer to it as the "Hungry Person." I hope, for my sake, you will do the same!
Well, since this blog is supposed to be about weight loss I suppose I should fill y'all in on my progress. Around August 18th, I weighed myself for the first time since the initial weigh in (around August 8th). Again, I was originally a whopping 221.6 lbs. By August 18th, however, I had already dropped to 219.3! I was quite ecstatic! I have since weighed myself again, but I'm not quite as happy with the results...on August 28th I was still 219.3 lbs. I suppose that's better than putting weight back on, and considering my adventures in northern Wisconsin maybe I should be pleased that I was able to maintain things. As for exercising, I'd kind of gotten in the habit of rollerblading rather than GAGAcising. You see, I bought these sweet-ass new blades and the weather has been absolutely perfect lately! I suppose the important thing is that I'm exercising...nevertheless, I still need to be getting my GAGA on at least twice a week. I've been much better about GAGAcising this week, as I did GAGAerobics both yesterday and today! Again, I'd always love to make it a group activity... please join me! I guarantee we'll have a great time!
Well, I suppose that's all for now. Having not written in awhile, I had much to say! Oh! One more thing... I met LADY GAGA last night in my dream. I awkwardly shook her hand through this odd window and said, "Because of you, I have revolutionized my life." Her response, "Good." In my dream I was quite disappointed by her reaction.... I mean, what the hell was "Good." supposed to mean?! She seemed rushed and cared very little about me... i doubt our real-life meeting will be anything like that. GAGA is as obsessed with her fans as we are her!
Here's hoping you've found yourself some good peaches...I'm still looking and Target ain't got 'em! If only I were still in northern Wisconsin buying peaches from the Amish...or was it the Mennonites?! I think both sell some damn fine peaches!
"I can excuse everything but boredom. Boring people don't have to stay that way." - Hedy Lamarr
LOVE. PEACE. GAGAEROBICS.
Jackie
PS - If you don't already know, Hedy Lamarr was a gorgeous Hollywood starlet during MGM's "Golden Age" of film. I'm reading her incredibly interesting autobiography "Ecstasy and Me: My Life as a Woman," and I encourage you to do the same.
Anyway...I bet you're wondering just what "Cold Pack Cheese Food" is. Well, this brings me to my first excuse. One of the main reasons why I took a little hiatus from posting was the four days I spent in northern Wisconsin. I just so happened to have a few days off from work, and my long lost friend Brianna was returning from her Montana summer holiday. So, I got to join Brianna and her sister Alyssa as well as Mumma Paula up north at their lovely cabin. Although Brianna and I were actually quite diligent in maintaining our workout routines (btw, Tae Bo scares dogs), northern Wisconsin is perhaps the least diet-friendly place in the world. There are just so many variations of cheese begging to be eaten... cheese curds... string cheese... cheese and crackers... and the worst (yet most delicious) of them all -- "cold pack cheese food." So what is this strange form of cheese? Well, "cold pack cheese food" resembles that Mertz port wine cheese spread Wisconsinites are so fond of. I'm not sure that Mertz's spreads are made with mayo, but I know for a fact that "cold pack cheese food" is. So, we were basically eating a whipped combination of cheese and mayo.... only in Wisconsin! Yeah, and only Wisconsinites would dip their already batter-fried cheese curds into a blue cheese dip...uff da. If you don't know what I'm talking about, than you haven't been to Madison's beloved restaurant, "The Old Fashioned."
I'd like to tell you that other than the "cold pack cheese food" I was rather well behaved up north in terms of my diet. Sure, relatively speaking I was, but the temptations of northern Wisconsin are pert' near unavoidable. For instance, when Alyssa, Brianna and I went to the local Birchwood tavern "Big Sexy's," we just couldn't help but try their specialty brew. You guessed it, they had "Big Sexy" on tap. I did relatively well, having only two Big Sexies. Perhaps that had something to do with the fact that Big Sexy on tap is actually just...woah, I'd better stop there! I'm pretty sure we promised Big Sexy himself that we wouldn't reveal the true identity of Big Sexy beer. What I can tell you is that it's a Whitehall favorite and is brewed by Anheuser-Busch. It's also a beer that is typically found only in cans. Apparently, it's tapped alter-ego is referred to as "Big Sexy." As for Big Sexy the man, well, he was neither big nor sexy...buzz kill. Lets just say we amazon queens dwarfed him in both size and sex appeal (as we do most others)! Oh, and I couldn't avoid eating a teriyaki beef stick at Big Sexy's either :S
I was faced with perhaps the ultimate northern Wisco temptation when I visited Eau Claire's famous Randy's Family Restaurant. I dare you to go there for breakfast and not get their "Hungry Man." Of course, it's easier for feminist me to refuse a meal with such a sexist name, but nevertheless, it's still quite tempting! Instead, my dear friend Paul and I shared the vegetarian omelet with wheat toast. And the damned omelet didn't even have cheese! My gawd, I did pretty well at Randy's! I also drank about 6 cups of coffee, which to me is like taking a laxative! Now, don't get all in a tizzy... I do not and will not stoop to using laxatives as a weight loss method. I had my fair share of diarrhea in Italy (was it the olive oil?!), and I'm damn sick of it! And for the record, when ordering the Hungry Man breakfast at Randy's in the past, I would always refer to it as the "Hungry Person." I hope, for my sake, you will do the same!
Well, since this blog is supposed to be about weight loss I suppose I should fill y'all in on my progress. Around August 18th, I weighed myself for the first time since the initial weigh in (around August 8th). Again, I was originally a whopping 221.6 lbs. By August 18th, however, I had already dropped to 219.3! I was quite ecstatic! I have since weighed myself again, but I'm not quite as happy with the results...on August 28th I was still 219.3 lbs. I suppose that's better than putting weight back on, and considering my adventures in northern Wisconsin maybe I should be pleased that I was able to maintain things. As for exercising, I'd kind of gotten in the habit of rollerblading rather than GAGAcising. You see, I bought these sweet-ass new blades and the weather has been absolutely perfect lately! I suppose the important thing is that I'm exercising...nevertheless, I still need to be getting my GAGA on at least twice a week. I've been much better about GAGAcising this week, as I did GAGAerobics both yesterday and today! Again, I'd always love to make it a group activity... please join me! I guarantee we'll have a great time!
Well, I suppose that's all for now. Having not written in awhile, I had much to say! Oh! One more thing... I met LADY GAGA last night in my dream. I awkwardly shook her hand through this odd window and said, "Because of you, I have revolutionized my life." Her response, "Good." In my dream I was quite disappointed by her reaction.... I mean, what the hell was "Good." supposed to mean?! She seemed rushed and cared very little about me... i doubt our real-life meeting will be anything like that. GAGA is as obsessed with her fans as we are her!
Here's hoping you've found yourself some good peaches...I'm still looking and Target ain't got 'em! If only I were still in northern Wisconsin buying peaches from the Amish...or was it the Mennonites?! I think both sell some damn fine peaches!
"I can excuse everything but boredom. Boring people don't have to stay that way." - Hedy Lamarr
LOVE. PEACE. GAGAEROBICS.
Jackie
PS - If you don't already know, Hedy Lamarr was a gorgeous Hollywood starlet during MGM's "Golden Age" of film. I'm reading her incredibly interesting autobiography "Ecstasy and Me: My Life as a Woman," and I encourage you to do the same.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
It was that time of year... and that time of the month!
I never thought I'd live with a straight man...much less two of them! But what do you know, my dreams have come true! Yep, that's right, I've recently moved out of my old, downtown apartment and into what I like to call "summer camp." I refer to it as such, because I now feel like I'm living in the boonies of Madison. But the boonies aren't so bad... I'm not crazy about the fact that I have to drive everywhere, but I don't mind being a little isolated from the bar scene. This GAGA-project has me drinking FAR less, and removing myself from the land of temptation has been incredibly helpful. And don't get me wrong, living with straight guys isn't bad at all...at least the two gems I'm living with. We watch a lot of movies like "Super Bad" and "Black Sheep" as well as some "Family Guy," and to be honest with you, I don't even mind watching them playing video games! Sometimes I forget Madden and NBA Live aren't the real deal... who knew video games were so realistic these days?! Although I must say, if you're in the other room and just so happen to overhear the two of them playing Madden, you might think a greased pig got loose in the house. Seriously, I was plucking my chin hairs in my room and the Madden-induced grunts and screeching were quite comical...and a little concerning. Nevertheless, I now have a 46" TV as well as cable and internet again...oh, the standards of 23 year old straight men!
Well, I'm finally getting settled in the place... but it's come at a cost! My wonderfully patient mother had the pleasure of helping a dieting, over-tired and menstruating me move from an apartment of two years to the new place. It wasn't a pleasant experience for anyone, but I couldn't have done it without her! I also owe my sister Liz a big thank you, as she had to put up with this moving-diva too! Oh, and thanks to her partner Kari for helping with the heavy lifting as well. Tears were shed multiple times throughout the moving process... so, when we went to Buffalo Wild Wings after a long day of moving, I had a little trouble sticking to the GAGA regiment. But I only had a few nachos...and maybe a couple wings... and perhaps a giant Bud Lite...with two limes, of course. Nevertheless, my "pledge" isn't about feeling bad when I slip up. My journey to get healthy is about feeling good about myself. I'm sure I'll have another BWW's incident before April's through, so the important thing is hopping back on the wagon if (and when) I fall off!
The move, in general, has posed some challenges to the pledge. I've been without internet, and therefore haven't blogged in a bit. And like I said before, I'm living with straight dudes now, and they don't exactly appreciate GAGA as much as my roommates of yesteryear. One of my new roommates had some guys over for beer after class the other day...I had to excuse myself to do some GAGAerobics outside and in doing so tried to explain my get-skinny plan to a room full of PBR-drinking, 20-somethings. They all thought it was at least comical, and no one complained about the GAGA volume. Except for that older gal next door, who commended my work-out efforts but nevertheless scolded me. Her exact words: The music might be a little loud, but keep up the good work. I live in this little village of sorts, and all who chose to look could see me getting my GAGA on! What a first impression I'm making...
Well, the weather's been fantastic lately, so I've been doing a bit more rollerblading than GAGAerobics. But, not a day goes by where I don't channel the Mother Monster and her open-minded, optimistic and anti-hate mentality. Oh, and that reminds me, I must check out her newly released "You and I" music video. As should you! Also, I need to weigh myself as soon as I have access to a scale... I'm quite curious about my progress.
Here's hoping you Whitehall natives will enjoy a fabulous Beef and Dairy Days weekend! I'll have to join you next year, as I'm working all weekend. And Lord knows I can't afford to be double fisting Busch Lites and corn dogs!!! But please, have one of each for me ;)
"They can't scare me, if I scare them first." - Lady Gaga
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Please, Don't Make Fun of My "Manties."
If you've read my profile or have ever met me, for that matter, you know how I feel about karaoke. Well, last night was Wednesday night, and that only means one thing...karaoke at the local gay bar, Plan B! At work I keep hearing Billy Joel's "Oh What a Night," and I've been dying to sing it! So, I requested the song and waited anxiously for my turn. However, the song I requested was some 50's doo-wop crap by a group called the Dells! Needless to say, I had no idea what I was singing...it was a karaokatastrophe!!! I was mortified. Will I ever be able to show my face at Plan B again?! Yes, actually, I've got plans to return Saturday ;) But the important thing about last night is that I only had one beer... yes, one beer. Last week I would've told you I didn't think it could be done!
So apparently people who want to lose weight eat oatmeal...and I can see why! Upon finishing mine this morning, it's fiber content had already kicked in and I felt like I never wanted to eat again. That and it took me at least 30 minutes to eat...uff da! And this wasn't that sweetened instant stuff... this was the real, mushy deal. Eating it without fruit is like listening to Eminem without wearing ear-plugs...it's so disgusting you're practically hurling (Em fans, can we just agree to disagree? Thanks). Moving on.
Disclaimer: the following photos are not for the faint of heart. The Surgeon General says if you're pregnant or have a heart condition, you should not view the following pictures. They have been found both disturbing and permanently damaging. For you brave (or stupid) individuals, I give you Jackie Hauser at 221.6 lbs:
As I've noted in the title, I ask that you don't make fun of my "manties"... or look too closely at them, for that matter...it seems they've worn a little thin in the rear :S So yeah, it's safe to say that's more than you've ever wanted to see of me! And just so you know, I'm doing my "pledge pose" in picture 1. Geez, I can't help but laugh at my comically skinny legs! How can they be so skinny after lugging all this weight around?! And thank GAGA my sports-bra is concealing my flabby side-boob region...no one wants to see that! Unfortunately, the sports-bra's not doing anything for my back fat... who can tell me how to get rid of that crap?! I'd like a little something I can throw in to GAGAerobics.
Call it water weight or call it a fluke, but I weighed myself again today and I'm down to 220.2 lbs. If my calculations are correct, that means I've lost 1.4 lbs already! If only I'd taken these pictures after dropping this pound and a half...
Here's hoping you're enjoying this GAGAlicious weather!
"Let me be myself and then I am satisfied. I know that I'm a woman, a woman with inward strength and plenty of courage." - Anne Frank
LOVE. PEACE. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
So apparently people who want to lose weight eat oatmeal...and I can see why! Upon finishing mine this morning, it's fiber content had already kicked in and I felt like I never wanted to eat again. That and it took me at least 30 minutes to eat...uff da! And this wasn't that sweetened instant stuff... this was the real, mushy deal. Eating it without fruit is like listening to Eminem without wearing ear-plugs...it's so disgusting you're practically hurling (Em fans, can we just agree to disagree? Thanks). Moving on.
Disclaimer: the following photos are not for the faint of heart. The Surgeon General says if you're pregnant or have a heart condition, you should not view the following pictures. They have been found both disturbing and permanently damaging. For you brave (or stupid) individuals, I give you Jackie Hauser at 221.6 lbs:
As I've noted in the title, I ask that you don't make fun of my "manties"... or look too closely at them, for that matter...it seems they've worn a little thin in the rear :S So yeah, it's safe to say that's more than you've ever wanted to see of me! And just so you know, I'm doing my "pledge pose" in picture 1. Geez, I can't help but laugh at my comically skinny legs! How can they be so skinny after lugging all this weight around?! And thank GAGA my sports-bra is concealing my flabby side-boob region...no one wants to see that! Unfortunately, the sports-bra's not doing anything for my back fat... who can tell me how to get rid of that crap?! I'd like a little something I can throw in to GAGAerobics.
Call it water weight or call it a fluke, but I weighed myself again today and I'm down to 220.2 lbs. If my calculations are correct, that means I've lost 1.4 lbs already! If only I'd taken these pictures after dropping this pound and a half...
Here's hoping you're enjoying this GAGAlicious weather!
"Let me be myself and then I am satisfied. I know that I'm a woman, a woman with inward strength and plenty of courage." - Anne Frank
LOVE. PEACE. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
This is my pledge...of glory.
I often joke about being one of LADY GAGA's biggest fans...in more ways than one. As a "huge" fan, I not only do things like bleach my long, curly hair of yesteryear and talk about her constantly (so others say), but I'm also a rather large gal in stature...I'm GAGAntuan, if you will. I stand about 6 feet tall and (I can't believe I'm about to admit this) weigh a whopping 221.6 lbs. In the past, I've likely never admitted my actual weight to ANY of you. I, however, have decided I to start being honest with myself. And I can thank LADY GAGA for helping me find the courage to do so.
Inspired by LADY GAGA, among others, I officially came "out of the closet" about three months ago...I refer to my official coming out day as the day in which I came out to my parents. It's kind of a comical story, which I would be happy to share with any of you some other time...or perhaps in a future post. Anyway, my sexual orientation was an aspect of my life I had never been honest with myself about. I can't explain how good it feels to be open about something you've been denying so long... truly an amazing feeling. Thanks to all of you who love me as much as ever.
I don't think I've ever been honest with myself about my weight (and how it desperately needs to decrease) either. And so ends a lifetime of denial regarding sexuality and weight! The scale and I agree that getting healthy is long overdue, but things like a four-month escape to the capital of wine, aged cheese and pasta will deter even the most determined of dieters (not that I even tried in Italy...who am I kidding). But something struck me the other day...a way that I could both get healthy and maybe even meet LADY GAGA! I thought to myself, "Maybe if I lost 40 lbs doing GAGAerobics, m'Lady would somehow hear about it and want to meet me!" Now, meeting LADY GAGA is just a minor incentive to lose the weight...because, after all, losing the weight doesn't guarantee she'll even know my name. The ultimate incentive is getting healthy. Ms. GAGA is always talking about being the best possible you, and Jackie Hauser sans 40 lbs is gonna be a "stunner." Mark my words.
You're likely asking yourself, "What is GAGAerobics? Have I heard of this before?" No, you've probably never heard of it before, because I made it up (well, sort of). When I know I should exercise and have absolutely no motivation to do so, I can always muster up the strength to do a little GAGAerobics. Basically, I combine Sean T's "Hip Hop Abs," Billy Blanks' "Tea Bo" and my own dance moves to work up a crazy sweat while listening to GAGA... you might say I'm GAGAcising! I cannot tell you how much fun I have!!! And it works. I'm currently experiencing a sensation I haven't felt in years...soreness. If you're ever in Madison and looking for a fun workout, I encourage you to join me!
In explaining GAGAerobics and my 40 lb plan to my sister, Kassie Hauser, she transformed what was a good idea into a GREAT one. She said, "You know what you have to do? Start a blog." LIGHT BULB! My response, "It'll be just like Julie and Julia but better and funnier... and I won't be such a whiny bitch." Here's hoping there's a happier ending to my story...If GAGA ever gets wind of my little project, I hope she doesn't respond like Julia Child did to that whiny Julia chick. But can you blame her? That Julie was whiny...and probably short. Did I mention she was whiny?
Almost done...I promise. Anyway, I was doing GAGAerobics on Sunday (sweating my you-know-whats off), and when "The Edge of Glory" came on I got a serious case of the goose-bumps. I thought to myself, "This is my GAGA-project's anthem." But I had yet to come up with the perfect name. Minutes later I was reading the list of songs on the back of the Born this Way album. When I saw "The Edge of Glory" in print, it came to me...my blog shall be called THE PLEDGE OF GLORY.
So this is my pledge...of glory -- I will lose 40 lbs by the end of April doing GAGAerobics (among other things) at least three times a week and blogging about it every dance-step of the way. Why the end of April?! Because I needed a deadline and I'll also be standing up in my friend Emily's wedding on April 28th... at least I think that's the day of her wedding :S
If admitting my weight (again, freakin' 221.6 lbs) and proclaiming my intentions isn't enough to make me accountable, I'm "upping the ante." As soon as I can figure out how to do it, I'll be posting semi-nude "before" photos of my cottage cheese self. You GAGA aficionados can call me "Flubby Mary."
"Just dance -- It's gonna be okay." - LADY GAGA
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Inspired by LADY GAGA, among others, I officially came "out of the closet" about three months ago...I refer to my official coming out day as the day in which I came out to my parents. It's kind of a comical story, which I would be happy to share with any of you some other time...or perhaps in a future post. Anyway, my sexual orientation was an aspect of my life I had never been honest with myself about. I can't explain how good it feels to be open about something you've been denying so long... truly an amazing feeling. Thanks to all of you who love me as much as ever.
I don't think I've ever been honest with myself about my weight (and how it desperately needs to decrease) either. And so ends a lifetime of denial regarding sexuality and weight! The scale and I agree that getting healthy is long overdue, but things like a four-month escape to the capital of wine, aged cheese and pasta will deter even the most determined of dieters (not that I even tried in Italy...who am I kidding). But something struck me the other day...a way that I could both get healthy and maybe even meet LADY GAGA! I thought to myself, "Maybe if I lost 40 lbs doing GAGAerobics, m'Lady would somehow hear about it and want to meet me!" Now, meeting LADY GAGA is just a minor incentive to lose the weight...because, after all, losing the weight doesn't guarantee she'll even know my name. The ultimate incentive is getting healthy. Ms. GAGA is always talking about being the best possible you, and Jackie Hauser sans 40 lbs is gonna be a "stunner." Mark my words.
You're likely asking yourself, "What is GAGAerobics? Have I heard of this before?" No, you've probably never heard of it before, because I made it up (well, sort of). When I know I should exercise and have absolutely no motivation to do so, I can always muster up the strength to do a little GAGAerobics. Basically, I combine Sean T's "Hip Hop Abs," Billy Blanks' "Tea Bo" and my own dance moves to work up a crazy sweat while listening to GAGA... you might say I'm GAGAcising! I cannot tell you how much fun I have!!! And it works. I'm currently experiencing a sensation I haven't felt in years...soreness. If you're ever in Madison and looking for a fun workout, I encourage you to join me!
In explaining GAGAerobics and my 40 lb plan to my sister, Kassie Hauser, she transformed what was a good idea into a GREAT one. She said, "You know what you have to do? Start a blog." LIGHT BULB! My response, "It'll be just like Julie and Julia but better and funnier... and I won't be such a whiny bitch." Here's hoping there's a happier ending to my story...If GAGA ever gets wind of my little project, I hope she doesn't respond like Julia Child did to that whiny Julia chick. But can you blame her? That Julie was whiny...and probably short. Did I mention she was whiny?
Almost done...I promise. Anyway, I was doing GAGAerobics on Sunday (sweating my you-know-whats off), and when "The Edge of Glory" came on I got a serious case of the goose-bumps. I thought to myself, "This is my GAGA-project's anthem." But I had yet to come up with the perfect name. Minutes later I was reading the list of songs on the back of the Born this Way album. When I saw "The Edge of Glory" in print, it came to me...my blog shall be called THE PLEDGE OF GLORY.
So this is my pledge...of glory -- I will lose 40 lbs by the end of April doing GAGAerobics (among other things) at least three times a week and blogging about it every dance-step of the way. Why the end of April?! Because I needed a deadline and I'll also be standing up in my friend Emily's wedding on April 28th... at least I think that's the day of her wedding :S
If admitting my weight (again, freakin' 221.6 lbs) and proclaiming my intentions isn't enough to make me accountable, I'm "upping the ante." As soon as I can figure out how to do it, I'll be posting semi-nude "before" photos of my cottage cheese self. You GAGA aficionados can call me "Flubby Mary."
"Just dance -- It's gonna be okay." - LADY GAGA
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
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