Well, I began blogging last night at work and got as far as this silly title -- "Reboot Day Freakin' 9 - There's Light(ly Battered Cheese curds) at the End of the Tunnel!!!!" I thought it was hilarious last night, but I've since come to my senses. Unfortunately, there shan't be any lightly battered cheese curds in my near future. After depriving myself of pert' near everything these past 10 days, I'm hypothesizing the absence of either gluten or dairy is what's doing WONDERS for my normally highly irregular bowels... and I'm assuming it's dairy :( Damn! I practically live on full-fat cottage cheese when I'm chewing! Guess I'll have to turn such habits into occassional treats... Well, I before I swear off my daily cottage cheese routine, I'll do a little investigating. I'll spend a few days avoiding dairy, followed by a few days avoiding gluten. I'll survey my observations and determine whether my days of curds and whey are officially numbered. The 8-year-old Jackie who ordered this dairy delight at practically every restaurant she visited is crying a slow, singler tear.
But on the bright side of things, today marks our LAST DAY of this 10 day fruit and veggie cleanse!!! Who woulda thunk this once 220 lb food addict would ever give up chewing for seven whole days?! Much less her beloved booze. Surprisingly enough, I've missed booze very little throughout this ordeal. One of the best things about this cleanse was it's ability to prove just how much of a food addict I really am. Forget the booze, I can't seem to get my reunion with guacamole out of this head! Nor can I rid myself of thoughts of the Pancake Cafe! You'd be shocked by how much time I've spent day-dreaming about guacamole, pancakes and also hummas throughout this ordeal! I guess there are far unhealthier things to crave (well, maybe this isn't as true after adding pancakes to the list). Nevertheless, no human should waste this much brain power fantasizing about the seemingly endless ways one can eat the aforementioned items! My food addiction was also painfully obvious during my lunch and/or dinner breaks at work. When stressed at the hotel, I often retreat to the break-room and attempt to eat the stress away. I had always known that I was a stress-eater, but until the cleanse I hadn't realized just how intense my longing for these comfort foods was... I had never denied myself of them. At least not to the extent of total deprivation. Here's hoping having to resist these cravings throughout the cleanse will help me deal with them (in a healthy manner) in the future!
While my Juice-Mama is dying to take a shot of whiskey when midnight strikes, I'm trying to figure out how to have guacamole on hand at the show we're going to. I think I'll just have to settle for an avacodo... Imma eat it like an apple, and it'll be gone in 38 seconds! Not sure how it'll taste with that whiskey I'll also be drinking!
Here's hoping I last these final seven hours... In terms of my hunger and INTENSE LONGING TO EAT, today has honestly been the worst. Being so close (yet so very far) is pissing me off :)
“The biggest seller is cookbooks and the second is diet books – how not to eat what you’ve just learned how to cook.” ~ Andy Rooney
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Monday, April 9, 2012
Reboot Day 7 - The End is Near!
Today marks the 7th day of our Reboot challenge! Sure, it's only Day 4 of strictly juicing, but how many of you can say you've gone that long without chewing?! That's what I thought... Anyway, we've got three days of juicing to go, and I can honestly say I've never had such an intense craving for a hotdog bun! I saw them in the break room tonight while pouring my dinner. Sure, I'm dying for a stack of pancakes and a stuffed-crust pizza mounded with veggies, but I sadly crave these items with great intensity on the regular. Well, that's all time allows for tonight... I'll delve into the "magician poops" I suffered yesterday after concluding the blog raving about what I thought was newfound bowel regularity!
Here's hoping I don't eat the aforementioned items to the point of virtual drunkenness when the cleanse concludes Thursday! I'd like to think the following quote proves I'm not on a "diet."
“The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor.” ~ Unknown
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Here's hoping I don't eat the aforementioned items to the point of virtual drunkenness when the cleanse concludes Thursday! I'd like to think the following quote proves I'm not on a "diet."
“The first thing you lose on a diet is your sense of humor.” ~ Unknown
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Day 6 - Happy Easter!
Well... If I can't be in the presence of my family on this lovely Easter Sunday, I suppose work is the next best place to be. Right? Negatory. I've spent virtually every Easter I can remember in Bloomington with my favorite cousins (except last year, of course, when I was in freakin' Italy). So relatively speaking, work is probably the last place I'd rather be. Especially due to the very grandiose buffet currently sprawling throughout the entire hotel lobby. I don't know what I did to deserve this, but staring at the buffet all day is a virtual hell for a food addict like me! Hahaha I'm obviously being a little dramatic here, but it is quite torturous on some level. And while it pains me to admit it, I suppose being absent from the family Easter celebration is the slightest blessing in disguise... at least for the sake of this cleanse. Here's what Mother Ellen had to say in an email about the pending Easter menu:
"I’m sure Aunt Jean’s busy gathering her recipe for escalloped pineapple, and she has a new plan for the roasted asparagus!! Aunt Mary is gathering ingredients for cheesy potatoes and….. Me, well I’m memorizing the sticky bun recipe and deciding which bars to make. Decisions, decisions!! (Guess with your cleansing, Jackie, you couldn’t enjoy much of these goodies anyway!!)"
Well put, Mother. Although, if I were at Easter with y'all, it's quite likely I would've ejnoyed all of those goodies... at the expense of the cleanse :S Especially if you decided to make your Kit Kat Bars, which aren't quite as famous as your Skotcharoos but definitely more delicious! Superman is to krypotinite as cleansing-Jackie is to Mom's Kit Kat Bars.
Well, I almost hesitate to share how much weight I've "lost" since beginning the cleanse. I write "lost," because I'm well aware the weight one "loses" when solely juicing is likely to come back upon eating "normally." I want to reiterate that I'm not doing this cleanse with the intent of losing weight (naturally, it will happen... especially when someone drinks and eats out as much as I was again). I will re-quote Joe Cross's website, http://www.jointhereboot.com/ , because it defines the Reboot and articulates even my intentions better than I can...
"A Reboot is a period of time in which a person commits to eating or drinking only fresh fruits and vegetables. Reboot is not a diet, it is a time for the body to reset, cleanse and take in all those vital nutrients Mother Nature intended for us. The Reboot Program allows you to take control of your diet, improve your health and wellness... The goal is to help you break a cycle of unhealthy eating, or simply enhance the quality of your diet by increasing your intake of fruits and vegetables."
So, how much weight have I "lost"?! Well, the morning of Day 1 I weighed 199 lbs exactly. Keep in mind I had my period at this time, so that could've skewed the scale upwards of five pounds. Anyway, this morning I weighed in at 187.4 lbs! Bahahaha it's a little insane, and I know it could largely be water-weight. Nevertheless, it's still fun to see the scale down to that sum... the lowest weight I'd previously seen during The Pledge was 187.6 lbs (this may or may not have occured the morning after some fairly heavy drinking, so I was quite dehydrated). Anywhozits, I just hope y'all don't think I'm on some crazy crash-diet... I assure you, my body's loving the cleanse. The lack of either gluten or dairy is doing wonders for my weak stomach and bowels :) I'm well aware that sustaining a diet of strictly juices is simply not realistic, and I would never want to do that. Post-cleanse, however, I will certainly try to maintain a heavily raw diet. Wouldn't we all in a perfect world?!
Here's hoping y'all are enjoying this beautiful day with friends or family. As for me, I'll be done with work and reuinted with my Juice Mama before I know it! If I can't be with my family on Easter (or chew, for that matter), at least I'll be with Kelly!
“I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.” -- The Dolly Parton
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
"I’m sure Aunt Jean’s busy gathering her recipe for escalloped pineapple, and she has a new plan for the roasted asparagus!! Aunt Mary is gathering ingredients for cheesy potatoes and….. Me, well I’m memorizing the sticky bun recipe and deciding which bars to make. Decisions, decisions!! (Guess with your cleansing, Jackie, you couldn’t enjoy much of these goodies anyway!!)"
Well put, Mother. Although, if I were at Easter with y'all, it's quite likely I would've ejnoyed all of those goodies... at the expense of the cleanse :S Especially if you decided to make your Kit Kat Bars, which aren't quite as famous as your Skotcharoos but definitely more delicious! Superman is to krypotinite as cleansing-Jackie is to Mom's Kit Kat Bars.
Well, I almost hesitate to share how much weight I've "lost" since beginning the cleanse. I write "lost," because I'm well aware the weight one "loses" when solely juicing is likely to come back upon eating "normally." I want to reiterate that I'm not doing this cleanse with the intent of losing weight (naturally, it will happen... especially when someone drinks and eats out as much as I was again). I will re-quote Joe Cross's website, http://www.jointhereboot.com/ , because it defines the Reboot and articulates even my intentions better than I can...
"A Reboot is a period of time in which a person commits to eating or drinking only fresh fruits and vegetables. Reboot is not a diet, it is a time for the body to reset, cleanse and take in all those vital nutrients Mother Nature intended for us. The Reboot Program allows you to take control of your diet, improve your health and wellness... The goal is to help you break a cycle of unhealthy eating, or simply enhance the quality of your diet by increasing your intake of fruits and vegetables."
So, how much weight have I "lost"?! Well, the morning of Day 1 I weighed 199 lbs exactly. Keep in mind I had my period at this time, so that could've skewed the scale upwards of five pounds. Anyway, this morning I weighed in at 187.4 lbs! Bahahaha it's a little insane, and I know it could largely be water-weight. Nevertheless, it's still fun to see the scale down to that sum... the lowest weight I'd previously seen during The Pledge was 187.6 lbs (this may or may not have occured the morning after some fairly heavy drinking, so I was quite dehydrated). Anywhozits, I just hope y'all don't think I'm on some crazy crash-diet... I assure you, my body's loving the cleanse. The lack of either gluten or dairy is doing wonders for my weak stomach and bowels :) I'm well aware that sustaining a diet of strictly juices is simply not realistic, and I would never want to do that. Post-cleanse, however, I will certainly try to maintain a heavily raw diet. Wouldn't we all in a perfect world?!
Here's hoping y'all are enjoying this beautiful day with friends or family. As for me, I'll be done with work and reuinted with my Juice Mama before I know it! If I can't be with my family on Easter (or chew, for that matter), at least I'll be with Kelly!
“I tried every diet in the book. I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.” -- The Dolly Parton
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Reboot Days 4 & 5 - Who Needs to Chew?!
Cheesey but true, my motto for the first two of seven strictly juicing days is, "Who needs to chew, when I've got you?!" I am, of course, referring to my special friend and "Juice Mama" Ms. Kelly. Somehow I managed to get these first two chew-free days off from work, so Kelly and I have been able to do all of our juicing together. This is absolutely fantastic for my sake, as I might find all of the juicing and organization (you know, prepping cleanse-approved meals/drinks for work, picking out juice recipes, gathering the proper supplies, etc, etc) the most difficult part of this whole ordeal.
We've also been able to do our "I'm-so-freakin'-sleepy-from-this-detox" lounging together. Today has entailed watching several episodes of United States of Tara, my first episode of The L Word (I know, I know... what kind of lesbian is just delving into this show now?!), some other movie involving a girl-on-girl love affair, Finding Nemo, and now Shrek 2. Thank GAGA Kelly has a dog that occasionally needs to be let out to pittle (or poop for that matter... believe it or not, I actually picked up Ebony's poop yesterday... something a vowed I would NEVER, EVER do!). If it weren't for Ebony, we'd likely never see the light of day! But in our defense, it's difficult just to go outside when there's a Mexican restaurant right across the street! This restaurant alone stirs an intense desire for guacamole and margaritas within this food-adddict's soul! Even on our venture to Target today I could hardly keep my tongue in my mouth when driving by Jimmy John's, Buffalo Wild Wings and Taco Bell! It's much easier to maintain our sanity within the confines of Kelly's apartment... trust.
With the company, guidance and expertise of my "Juice Mama," these first two chew-free days have been very do-able and relatively enjoyable. Sure, the beet/sweet potato/red pepper/carrot/ ginger/apple/orange concoction was far from easy to drink, but that likely had much to do with my failure to wash the beats... these vegetables already have a deliciously "earthy" taste, but there was literally dirt in our juices. As Kelly said, it felt as though we were eating soil. Upon taking my first drink, I asked if there was dirt in my teeth. Woof! Fortunately for us, that was not only yesterday's dinner, but also this morning's breakfast! It'll be breakfast for me again tomorrow... can't hardly wait!
But trust me, some juices are FAR more delicious than others! Last night we enjoyed a delicious, grapefruit, orange, cranberry and lime concoction, and today's lunch was a blend of black, razz, blue and strawberry juices with mango, coconut water and avocado! SO DELICIOUS! This drink even had a little body to it, as it was blended with ice! Mmm mm good! And I'm not constantly hungry... if anything, my tastebuds are just left a little unsastified after drinking some of the more vegetable-heavy concotions.
Here's hoping y'all keep reading despite the lack of raunchy farts and epic poops I swore to report on. To be honest, I have occasional gas but it hasn't been raunchy at all lately... and I haven't really been able to poop. I took one small poop on Day 3, I didn't poop AT ALL yesterday and I had one very unimpressive BM today. I don't feel constipated or anything, so I suppose these dormant bowels are better than the eruptive alternative. Mom, if you're reading this, you can thank me later for all this poop talk... I'm sure you're loving it ;)
Well, yesterday was a day of several firsts. Not only did I pick up my first fistful of dog shit and go an entire day without chewing, I also saw Titanic in it's entirety for the first time! Having just seen that epic film, I'd like to leave you with Jack Dawson's daily motto...
"Make it count."
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
We've also been able to do our "I'm-so-freakin'-sleepy-from-this-detox" lounging together. Today has entailed watching several episodes of United States of Tara, my first episode of The L Word (I know, I know... what kind of lesbian is just delving into this show now?!), some other movie involving a girl-on-girl love affair, Finding Nemo, and now Shrek 2. Thank GAGA Kelly has a dog that occasionally needs to be let out to pittle (or poop for that matter... believe it or not, I actually picked up Ebony's poop yesterday... something a vowed I would NEVER, EVER do!). If it weren't for Ebony, we'd likely never see the light of day! But in our defense, it's difficult just to go outside when there's a Mexican restaurant right across the street! This restaurant alone stirs an intense desire for guacamole and margaritas within this food-adddict's soul! Even on our venture to Target today I could hardly keep my tongue in my mouth when driving by Jimmy John's, Buffalo Wild Wings and Taco Bell! It's much easier to maintain our sanity within the confines of Kelly's apartment... trust.
With the company, guidance and expertise of my "Juice Mama," these first two chew-free days have been very do-able and relatively enjoyable. Sure, the beet/sweet potato/red pepper/carrot/ ginger/apple/orange concoction was far from easy to drink, but that likely had much to do with my failure to wash the beats... these vegetables already have a deliciously "earthy" taste, but there was literally dirt in our juices. As Kelly said, it felt as though we were eating soil. Upon taking my first drink, I asked if there was dirt in my teeth. Woof! Fortunately for us, that was not only yesterday's dinner, but also this morning's breakfast! It'll be breakfast for me again tomorrow... can't hardly wait!
But trust me, some juices are FAR more delicious than others! Last night we enjoyed a delicious, grapefruit, orange, cranberry and lime concoction, and today's lunch was a blend of black, razz, blue and strawberry juices with mango, coconut water and avocado! SO DELICIOUS! This drink even had a little body to it, as it was blended with ice! Mmm mm good! And I'm not constantly hungry... if anything, my tastebuds are just left a little unsastified after drinking some of the more vegetable-heavy concotions.
Here's hoping y'all keep reading despite the lack of raunchy farts and epic poops I swore to report on. To be honest, I have occasional gas but it hasn't been raunchy at all lately... and I haven't really been able to poop. I took one small poop on Day 3, I didn't poop AT ALL yesterday and I had one very unimpressive BM today. I don't feel constipated or anything, so I suppose these dormant bowels are better than the eruptive alternative. Mom, if you're reading this, you can thank me later for all this poop talk... I'm sure you're loving it ;)
Well, yesterday was a day of several firsts. Not only did I pick up my first fistful of dog shit and go an entire day without chewing, I also saw Titanic in it's entirety for the first time! Having just seen that epic film, I'd like to leave you with Jack Dawson's daily motto...
"Make it count."
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Reboot Day 3 - So Tired It Hurts
That's probably not how I should title a blog post about a cleanse I'm trying to convince people is healthy. I find it hilarious how skeptical some people seem to be. Where was everyone's concern when I was considerably overweight and eating for a family of four?! And how could consuming only fruits and vegetables for a week not be healthy?! Just because I won't be chewing for seven days, doesn't mean I won't be "eating." I'm confident I'll be consuming just as many if not more nutrients than I normally would. As for those of you concerned about protein (and a lot of you are)... don't be. Most of the juices have plenty of leafy-greens (ideally accounting for 60% of the concoctions), which will provide more than enough protein. I'm most certainly not saying one should consume only the juices of fruits and veggies for extended periods of time. I am saying, however, that 10 days of eating and drinking only the fruits of our earth will be FAR healthier than the eating out and binge-drinking I'd otherwise be doing. Perhaps this little hiatus from what had become my routine-unhealthiness will break the cycle of bad habits I'd fallen back into. Here's hoping!
As I contemplate the reactions I've gotten to this cleanse, I've come to the conclusion that Americans not only doubt the power of fruits and vegetables but we have also been conditioned to fear them.
Well, I wrote that snarky lil' rant when I was pert' near sleeping while standing at work. Sure, I'm getting more than enough nutrients, but I'm also eating FAR LESS calories than I was a week ago. Therefore, this calorie deficit has me feeling SLEEPY SLEEPY! And when I'm SLEEPY SLEEPY and being prevented from sleeping, I ain't so nice anymore! So blame the snarkiness on my SLEEPY SLEEPY-ness. But hell, a post-work GAGAerobics session will wake anyone up! And despite the cleanse, the workout was great! I was pretty exhausted by the end of it, but isn't that the point?! Thanks to PJ and Elise for being my partners in GAGAerobics crime!
Here's hoping I'll survive the first of our non-chewing days! Tomorrow marks Day 1 of strictly juicing! Somehow I managed to get both Friday and Saturday off, so any immediate Reboot side-effects shant harm my professional performance ;) While I'm digging the cleanse today, lets see how I feel tomorrow! I'm guessing my mood and overall condition will be able to be summed up in one word... WOOF. Oh, and virtually no gas and no poops today... WHO AM I?!
"Buzz's girlfriend... woof." -- Home Alone
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
As I contemplate the reactions I've gotten to this cleanse, I've come to the conclusion that Americans not only doubt the power of fruits and vegetables but we have also been conditioned to fear them.
Well, I wrote that snarky lil' rant when I was pert' near sleeping while standing at work. Sure, I'm getting more than enough nutrients, but I'm also eating FAR LESS calories than I was a week ago. Therefore, this calorie deficit has me feeling SLEEPY SLEEPY! And when I'm SLEEPY SLEEPY and being prevented from sleeping, I ain't so nice anymore! So blame the snarkiness on my SLEEPY SLEEPY-ness. But hell, a post-work GAGAerobics session will wake anyone up! And despite the cleanse, the workout was great! I was pretty exhausted by the end of it, but isn't that the point?! Thanks to PJ and Elise for being my partners in GAGAerobics crime!
Here's hoping I'll survive the first of our non-chewing days! Tomorrow marks Day 1 of strictly juicing! Somehow I managed to get both Friday and Saturday off, so any immediate Reboot side-effects shant harm my professional performance ;) While I'm digging the cleanse today, lets see how I feel tomorrow! I'm guessing my mood and overall condition will be able to be summed up in one word... WOOF. Oh, and virtually no gas and no poops today... WHO AM I?!
"Buzz's girlfriend... woof." -- Home Alone
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
Day 2 - The Reboot Continues
As day two of our Reboot is coming to an end, my body is feeling pretty damn great! Keep in mind, we're still able to chew at this point... lets see how I feel about this whole cleanse thing when I'm only DRINKING fruits and veggies. But I will say this, my inner chubby 12 year old is wondering what the hell happened to herself! The kid once addicted to macaroni and cheese and bowls of melted chocolate chips can hardly recognize her 23 year old self! Gaga bless that awkward tomboy of yesteryear, but change was a good and necessary thing!
Anyway... Sucks to be that hotel guest who chose the WRONG time to approach the front desk. All I'm saying is there might be a reason I'm standing at the far end of the front desk area... alone. While my body is responding quite well to this raw food diet of sorts and I'm experiencing the bowel regularity of my dreams, I have had some pretty raunchy farts... scratch that, extremely raunchy farts these past two days. A group of four guests just approached the desk at yet another inopportune time... these poor, oblivious people must think there's a family of skunks nestled under the hotel floor boards. Yes, it's that bad.
I must say, I've eaten pretty damn well these past two days. Sure I've had to drink a couple "Mean Grean" juices that some might find less than desirable (about 60% kale), but other than that I've just eaten deliciously healthy foods! Breakfast has consisted of large bowls of black, blue and strawberries...mmm mm!! Lunch has been Trader Joe's vegan salads topped with chickpeas, craisins, edamame, pumpkin seeds, gingery dressing, etc, etc! And Ms. Kelly has treated me to two delicious dinners, including tonight's homemade sweet potato and carrot fries as well as greens steamed to perfection! I could certainly get used to this sort of diet, provided each day involved menus as delicious as these past two!
But how soon I've forgotten about my great disdain for the coconut water I'm supposed to drink with my afternoon snack. I'm convinced old people would taste eerily similar to coconut water if we were to juice and drink them too ;) Everybody else seems to think coconut water is delicious... my coworker Tony even went as far as pegging it "orgasmic." Lets agree to disagree, shall we?!
Here's hoping y'all can't smell my farts from wherever you're reading... if anyone's gas is capable of wafting all that way, it's certainly mine on the Reboot! I shan't fight it, though, as a wise person once said...
"It's better to let it out and feel the shame, than keep it in and feel the pain."
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Anyway... Sucks to be that hotel guest who chose the WRONG time to approach the front desk. All I'm saying is there might be a reason I'm standing at the far end of the front desk area... alone. While my body is responding quite well to this raw food diet of sorts and I'm experiencing the bowel regularity of my dreams, I have had some pretty raunchy farts... scratch that, extremely raunchy farts these past two days. A group of four guests just approached the desk at yet another inopportune time... these poor, oblivious people must think there's a family of skunks nestled under the hotel floor boards. Yes, it's that bad.
I must say, I've eaten pretty damn well these past two days. Sure I've had to drink a couple "Mean Grean" juices that some might find less than desirable (about 60% kale), but other than that I've just eaten deliciously healthy foods! Breakfast has consisted of large bowls of black, blue and strawberries...mmm mm!! Lunch has been Trader Joe's vegan salads topped with chickpeas, craisins, edamame, pumpkin seeds, gingery dressing, etc, etc! And Ms. Kelly has treated me to two delicious dinners, including tonight's homemade sweet potato and carrot fries as well as greens steamed to perfection! I could certainly get used to this sort of diet, provided each day involved menus as delicious as these past two!
But how soon I've forgotten about my great disdain for the coconut water I'm supposed to drink with my afternoon snack. I'm convinced old people would taste eerily similar to coconut water if we were to juice and drink them too ;) Everybody else seems to think coconut water is delicious... my coworker Tony even went as far as pegging it "orgasmic." Lets agree to disagree, shall we?!
Here's hoping y'all can't smell my farts from wherever you're reading... if anyone's gas is capable of wafting all that way, it's certainly mine on the Reboot! I shan't fight it, though, as a wise person once said...
"It's better to let it out and feel the shame, than keep it in and feel the pain."
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Time to put a (Re)boot in my ass!
If this blog could talk, it would say (in its best Mrs. Doubtfire impression), "HelllllOOOOO!!!" Good gravy boat, it's as if The Pledge of Glory no longer exists! In both blog form and my physical form, unfortunately. Let me begin by saying, I have gained some weight. It's only fair that I would... three months of eating and drinking like the fatter-Jackie of yesteryear will do that to a person. I have also been exercising far less than I once was. I shan't make excuses, and I'm honestly pretty disappointed in myself. Once consistently weighing in between 190 and 195 lbs, I am now tipping the scale around 195 to 200lbs. Woof.
This disappointment is something I address daily. I have many conversations with myself about the fact that weight-loss and health are long-term issues, and set-backs are bound to happen. What disappoints me most is not the fact that I won't lose the 40 lbs (I stupidly set this goal prior to weighing myself. 'Tis quite sad, but I actually thought I weighed MORE than 221.6 lbs before taking The Pledge. My body has since indicated, loud and clear, that 181.6 lbs might be a bit of a strectch for me). I'm disappointed that I made an eight month commitment to my health, and seemingly threw in the towel after about four. I had made sound, healthy choices and changes from August to January. The sort of healthy choices I was hoping to adopt for life. I was not dieting; merely altering my lifestyle. I must admit, it's a bit disheartening to know that I haven't been able to maintain these behaviors for even seven months. SO, now that I've had that pity party of one...
WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT IT?! Well, a very "special" friend of mine has likely found the perfect way to halt my three month Will she ever re-board the wagon?! bender. This "special" friend, who I like to call Ms. Kelly, suggested her and I do a "Reboot" ala Joe Cross. So who is this "thinspiration" of a man and what the hell is a Reboot, you ask?! Well, Joe Cross is someone who revolutionized his health at the age of 40. Struggling with both high blood pressure and high cholesterol, Joe pledged to consume only the juice of fresh fruits and vegetables for 60 days. He began this pledge, his very first Reboot, in late 2007. By March of the following year, he was no longer on any of the medications he was taking "night and day" as a man 100 lbs overweight. As for the Reboot itself... Cross's website, www.jointhereboot.com, describes it like so:
A Reboot is a period of time in which a person commits to eating or drinking only fresh fruits and vegetables. Reboot is not a diet, it is a time for the body to reset, cleanse and take in all those vital nutrients Mother Nature intended for us. The Reboot Program allows you to take control of your diet, improve your health and wellness... The goal is to help you break a cycle of unhealthy eating, or simply enhance the quality of your diet by increasing your intake of fruits and vegetables.
As I write this blog, day one of our 10 day Reboot is coming to an end. Fortunately for us, we are still able to chew... the first three days involve drinking AND eating fruits, vegetables and sprouted seeds (don't ask me to explain the latter lol). I plan to blog every day of our Reboot, so I encourage those of you interested in raunchy farts and epic poops to keep reading! I've practically eaten my weight in berries and spinach today, so my already "over-active" stomach was having a hay-day! Praise cheeses I was able to exile myself from my coworkers a bit... I spent the better part of my nine hour shift at the front desk's far computer in a coma brought on by my own bodily gases ;) Okay, so I'm exaggerating a bit... sure, my fruity-veggie gas was toxic, but according to my Reboot diary my gas at least came in the form of "raunchy, yet fortunately rare farts." Speaking of fortunate, I think Kelly and I are pretty lucky to have a third muskateer in on this endeavor... our good friend Holly is tackling the 10 day Reboot with us, too! Thank Gaga, we haven't already turned into that couple that "diets" and runs half marathons together... I can call us a couple, right?! Here's hoping! Anyway, wish us luck as we continue this 10 day quest to Reboot our bodies!!! Like I said, I'll be blogging daily throughout this process. As always, your moral support is greatly appreciated!
Here's to all y'all and the overwhelming support you've already sent my way... especially in the past year! As you may or may not know, I turned 23 years young on the 18th of March. I must admit, 22 was truly an excellent year for me. It very well could've been the best year of my life. Between spending a semester in Italy, coming out of the closet, meeting some truly fantastic people and getting healthy, I have virtually no complaints! Sure, I may have seemed a little pessimistic about the current state of The Pledge of Glory, but this Reboot has me feeling really good about re-boarding the healthy-wagon! And I wasn't really being pessimistic, I was merely being honest about my recent lack of commitment. All in all, it's hard to be disappointed in myself when my work-pants are still comically large... when the scale regularly reads less than 200 lbs (as a year ago I would've told you that was pert' near impossible)... when Mama Hauser is taking a dress I ordered in August in nearly eight inches! Set backs will happen, but we must remember the satisfaction of progress and channel that positive energy!
Here's hopin y'all have seen the new movie version of Dr. Suess's The Lorax! If not, allow me to enlighten you...
"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."
I'd like to leave you with yet another quote... just because it's been SO DAMN LONG since I last blogged, and I've compiled quite the list of them. But before I relay this hilarious quote, i must give my childhood bestie (and a loyal Pledge reader) a shout-out. Randi, this long-time friend of mine, found great strength and courage in the 22nd year of her life, too. You might say she really grew some tits (not to be confuzed with balls...) and came into her own. But despite these newfound tits, Randi recognizes that life might still bite ya in the ass. And what does she have to say about that?!
"Sometimes our tits... take some hits."
But hell, that doesn't make her wanna be any less of a woman! You're one helluva gal, Randi! You will forever be the Whitney Houston (R.I.P.) to my Tina Turner! I'm so very proud of you!!!
Again, I'll be blogging the next 9 consecutive days, every step of the Reboot way!!! Stay tuned!
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
This disappointment is something I address daily. I have many conversations with myself about the fact that weight-loss and health are long-term issues, and set-backs are bound to happen. What disappoints me most is not the fact that I won't lose the 40 lbs (I stupidly set this goal prior to weighing myself. 'Tis quite sad, but I actually thought I weighed MORE than 221.6 lbs before taking The Pledge. My body has since indicated, loud and clear, that 181.6 lbs might be a bit of a strectch for me). I'm disappointed that I made an eight month commitment to my health, and seemingly threw in the towel after about four. I had made sound, healthy choices and changes from August to January. The sort of healthy choices I was hoping to adopt for life. I was not dieting; merely altering my lifestyle. I must admit, it's a bit disheartening to know that I haven't been able to maintain these behaviors for even seven months. SO, now that I've had that pity party of one...
WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT IT?! Well, a very "special" friend of mine has likely found the perfect way to halt my three month Will she ever re-board the wagon?! bender. This "special" friend, who I like to call Ms. Kelly, suggested her and I do a "Reboot" ala Joe Cross. So who is this "thinspiration" of a man and what the hell is a Reboot, you ask?! Well, Joe Cross is someone who revolutionized his health at the age of 40. Struggling with both high blood pressure and high cholesterol, Joe pledged to consume only the juice of fresh fruits and vegetables for 60 days. He began this pledge, his very first Reboot, in late 2007. By March of the following year, he was no longer on any of the medications he was taking "night and day" as a man 100 lbs overweight. As for the Reboot itself... Cross's website, www.jointhereboot.com, describes it like so:
A Reboot is a period of time in which a person commits to eating or drinking only fresh fruits and vegetables. Reboot is not a diet, it is a time for the body to reset, cleanse and take in all those vital nutrients Mother Nature intended for us. The Reboot Program allows you to take control of your diet, improve your health and wellness... The goal is to help you break a cycle of unhealthy eating, or simply enhance the quality of your diet by increasing your intake of fruits and vegetables.
As I write this blog, day one of our 10 day Reboot is coming to an end. Fortunately for us, we are still able to chew... the first three days involve drinking AND eating fruits, vegetables and sprouted seeds (don't ask me to explain the latter lol). I plan to blog every day of our Reboot, so I encourage those of you interested in raunchy farts and epic poops to keep reading! I've practically eaten my weight in berries and spinach today, so my already "over-active" stomach was having a hay-day! Praise cheeses I was able to exile myself from my coworkers a bit... I spent the better part of my nine hour shift at the front desk's far computer in a coma brought on by my own bodily gases ;) Okay, so I'm exaggerating a bit... sure, my fruity-veggie gas was toxic, but according to my Reboot diary my gas at least came in the form of "raunchy, yet fortunately rare farts." Speaking of fortunate, I think Kelly and I are pretty lucky to have a third muskateer in on this endeavor... our good friend Holly is tackling the 10 day Reboot with us, too! Thank Gaga, we haven't already turned into that couple that "diets" and runs half marathons together... I can call us a couple, right?! Here's hoping! Anyway, wish us luck as we continue this 10 day quest to Reboot our bodies!!! Like I said, I'll be blogging daily throughout this process. As always, your moral support is greatly appreciated!
Here's to all y'all and the overwhelming support you've already sent my way... especially in the past year! As you may or may not know, I turned 23 years young on the 18th of March. I must admit, 22 was truly an excellent year for me. It very well could've been the best year of my life. Between spending a semester in Italy, coming out of the closet, meeting some truly fantastic people and getting healthy, I have virtually no complaints! Sure, I may have seemed a little pessimistic about the current state of The Pledge of Glory, but this Reboot has me feeling really good about re-boarding the healthy-wagon! And I wasn't really being pessimistic, I was merely being honest about my recent lack of commitment. All in all, it's hard to be disappointed in myself when my work-pants are still comically large... when the scale regularly reads less than 200 lbs (as a year ago I would've told you that was pert' near impossible)... when Mama Hauser is taking a dress I ordered in August in nearly eight inches! Set backs will happen, but we must remember the satisfaction of progress and channel that positive energy!
Here's hopin y'all have seen the new movie version of Dr. Suess's The Lorax! If not, allow me to enlighten you...
"Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not."
I'd like to leave you with yet another quote... just because it's been SO DAMN LONG since I last blogged, and I've compiled quite the list of them. But before I relay this hilarious quote, i must give my childhood bestie (and a loyal Pledge reader) a shout-out. Randi, this long-time friend of mine, found great strength and courage in the 22nd year of her life, too. You might say she really grew some tits (not to be confuzed with balls...) and came into her own. But despite these newfound tits, Randi recognizes that life might still bite ya in the ass. And what does she have to say about that?!
"Sometimes our tits... take some hits."
But hell, that doesn't make her wanna be any less of a woman! You're one helluva gal, Randi! You will forever be the Whitney Houston (R.I.P.) to my Tina Turner! I'm so very proud of you!!!
Again, I'll be blogging the next 9 consecutive days, every step of the Reboot way!!! Stay tuned!
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Is it just me, or is it a lil' too preachy in here?!
I stand at work, miserably full. I have just come from the employee cafeteria, which is normally stocked with, at best, semi-edible food. Before I continue, I must admit that I initially spelt "stocked" like "stalked." And now I have yet another confession, every time I type the word "spelt," I immediately double-check that the word actually exists via Dictionary.com. Turns out every time I look it up, it's still a word. Anyway, back to my story...today our cafeteria was surprisingly stocked with relatively delicious food. By the time I took my break, there was one egg roll left, which was more than enough fried goodness for me, as well as an abundance of this chicken stir-fry of sorts. It was so salty and delicious, I decided I could have a very generous helping. Followed by an even more generous helping. Followed by yet another (and perhaps most generous) helping. Yup, the girl who recently told you she was recommitting to The Pledge ate three helpings of cafeteria stir fry with virtually no hesitation. Sure, I thought to myself, "The first excessive portion was probably enough." But the devil-portion of my conscience (aka fat Jackie) was shouting "MUST EAT STIR-FRY" so loud I couldn't hear a damn thing the increasingly meek, health-conscious Jackie was trying to get out. This triple-portion meal was the perfect way to conclude a weekend of un-Pledgelike behavior. Last weekend was supposed to be the last of my glutton-fests, but this weekend was just as bad, if not worse.
I started writing this edition of The Pledge so long ago, I can't even remember how many gluttonous weekends I've had since. What I do know is that I've deemed literally every Monday in February a "new beginning" or a "fresh start." I said I was starting anew Monday the 6th after a fun-filled fat-Jackie weekend... I sad I'd recommit again Monday the 13th after an equally unhealthy weekend... and I said "enough is enough" yet again Monday the 20th after a, you guessed it, horribly un-Pledgelike weekend. And the Monday-Friday routine hasn't exactly been the healthiest either. What does a girl need to do to reboard the Pledge-wagon and lose these last 10-12 lbs?! Perhaps eat a fried Snickers... or maybe even half of one would do the trick!
I've said it once and I'll say it again, I have absolutely no will power after a long and annoying night of work. This normally isn't an issue, as there's not typically a lot of food just chillin' around the hotel. But it was an issue last night when a group of guests shared their leftover Mexican food. Remember how I said I was going to stop eating red meat until the end of The Pledge?! Well, for whatever reason, I didn't consider the steak fajitas they gave us red meat (I have since given up red meat for Lent... While I'm definitely not Catholic, I've almost always effectively given up something each Lenten season). And nothing was going to stop me from eating some leftover enchiladas! I was already feeling a bit disgusted with myself after my little food-fiesta when I saw what appeard to be a container full of burritos. "Who needs a burrtio?" I asked myself. But these weren't burritos... these weren't burritos at all. They were FRIED SNICKERS. The fat kid inside of me has always wanted to try a fried Snickers. Luckily my coworker Michelle and I shared this deliciously American treat, but nevertheless I ate deep-fried candy last night. I think that's rock bottom for a wayward "dieter." At least I hope it is...
So I attempt to start anew yet again, but this time on a Thursday (as I've obviously had no luck with Mondays). And there's no better day to recommit than a GAGAerobics-Thursday!!! I'm so in love with the fact that I've found a fun and healthy hobby to do with friends, lovers, strangers, teachers... anyone who cares to join! Consider this yet another invitation to do so... we GAGAcise at 6:30 every Tuesday and Thursday night at Sotto!!!
On a more somber note, I've recently started reading Marya Hornbacher's Wasted: A Memior of Anorexia and Bullimia. It is a horrifyingly fascinating account of a young woman's life all but destroyed by eating disorders. At just nine years old, Hornbacher began purging. Her every childhood memory revolves around food... literally every one of them. Having not lived with something so consuming, it is impossible for me to articulate these struggles. I've always felt that having an eating disorder is like being haunted by a horrendous demon, but this book conveys a life riddled with anorexia and/or bulimia as an even more intense, lifelong experience. Reading this book is as close as I'll ever get to being inside the mind of an anoretic and/or bulimic, and I'm realizing that living with these disorders is a virtual hell on earth.
Of all the intense situations recounted in this book, there's one particular occurrence I'd like to discuss. If I remember correctly, Hornbacher is roughly 14 years old and at the height of her bulimia. She's sitting in detention eating a bag of chips when her hippy and likely overweight teacher wags her finger and says, "A moment on the lips, forever on the hips." I'm praying to GAGA that those of you who work with young, impressionable minds (or ever come into contact with them, for that matter) NEVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THIS. As for those of us who don't, I'm begging that we don't say shit like this to each other! This seemingly innocent comment could be enough to spiral even the most secure of people into some weird state of self doubt and spur thoughts of body dysmorphia. GAGA only knows the unhealthy weightloss means one might adapt upon hearing such comments...
Why would anyone ever say something like that anyway?! Just to feel better about the fried Snickers they ate yesterday?! I'm gonna keep preaching for a bit, so I encourage you to skip to the next paragraph if you're sick of Jacko's lil' soap box rants. Anyway, we live in a culture where women (especially) are conditioned to constantly long to be thinner. What I find so sick about it all is that we put this pressure upon each other... It's not just our media-poisoned society, which I'm always so quick to blame, that's culpable. It's as if we think it's some big competition. Rather than banning together and encouraging one another to get healthy, we cackle when that bitch from high school gets fat. And I'm just as guilty as the next chick of participating in these little "Haha-she's-fatter-than-me-now" cackle fests. I don't care how much of a bitch she may or may not have been... as my roommate Morgan pointed out, we shouldn't wish fatness upon our worst enemies. Weight-gain not only compromises one's physical health, but it has obvious implications on one's mental well-being. The torture one could inflict upon themselves in response to weight-gain or even just snarky lil' belittling comments is so ridiculously unnecessary.
Being healthy is not a competition. I'm sick of that bull shit. I want even the bitchiest of all bitches to be healthy and feel good about themselves (after all, there's likely a reason he or she is such a bitch).
Here's hoping I didn't misspell hoards of words throughout this horribly rambling and preachy rant. And GAGA only knows how uneducated I sound when trying to wrap my head around perplexing things like eating disorders. But I think I've come to a bit of a conclusion... As Americans, we are not encouraged to be healthy. We are convinced we must be thin. Healthy and thin are not synonymous. If they were, we wouldn't see the quest to be thin in such a competitive manner. At some point, I'm sure a lot of us have said, "I'm skinnier than her, right?!" I, however, highly doubt you've find yourself asking whether you're healthier than that same person. I will finally conclude perhaps the preachiest of all Pledges with an excerpt from Hornbacher's memoir. She addresses how her struggle with eating disorders has turned her into a dual-figure of sorts. She also touches on the presence of that constant longing to be perpetually thinner. But first, I must ask... after this ridiculous post will anyone ever read The Pledge of Glory again?!
"My double image, the evil skinny bitch who hisses, Don't eat. I'm not going to let you eat. I'll let go as soon as you're thin, I swear I will. Everything will be okay when you're thin." - Marya Hornbacher's Wasted: a Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
I started writing this edition of The Pledge so long ago, I can't even remember how many gluttonous weekends I've had since. What I do know is that I've deemed literally every Monday in February a "new beginning" or a "fresh start." I said I was starting anew Monday the 6th after a fun-filled fat-Jackie weekend... I sad I'd recommit again Monday the 13th after an equally unhealthy weekend... and I said "enough is enough" yet again Monday the 20th after a, you guessed it, horribly un-Pledgelike weekend. And the Monday-Friday routine hasn't exactly been the healthiest either. What does a girl need to do to reboard the Pledge-wagon and lose these last 10-12 lbs?! Perhaps eat a fried Snickers... or maybe even half of one would do the trick!
I've said it once and I'll say it again, I have absolutely no will power after a long and annoying night of work. This normally isn't an issue, as there's not typically a lot of food just chillin' around the hotel. But it was an issue last night when a group of guests shared their leftover Mexican food. Remember how I said I was going to stop eating red meat until the end of The Pledge?! Well, for whatever reason, I didn't consider the steak fajitas they gave us red meat (I have since given up red meat for Lent... While I'm definitely not Catholic, I've almost always effectively given up something each Lenten season). And nothing was going to stop me from eating some leftover enchiladas! I was already feeling a bit disgusted with myself after my little food-fiesta when I saw what appeard to be a container full of burritos. "Who needs a burrtio?" I asked myself. But these weren't burritos... these weren't burritos at all. They were FRIED SNICKERS. The fat kid inside of me has always wanted to try a fried Snickers. Luckily my coworker Michelle and I shared this deliciously American treat, but nevertheless I ate deep-fried candy last night. I think that's rock bottom for a wayward "dieter." At least I hope it is...
So I attempt to start anew yet again, but this time on a Thursday (as I've obviously had no luck with Mondays). And there's no better day to recommit than a GAGAerobics-Thursday!!! I'm so in love with the fact that I've found a fun and healthy hobby to do with friends, lovers, strangers, teachers... anyone who cares to join! Consider this yet another invitation to do so... we GAGAcise at 6:30 every Tuesday and Thursday night at Sotto!!!
On a more somber note, I've recently started reading Marya Hornbacher's Wasted: A Memior of Anorexia and Bullimia. It is a horrifyingly fascinating account of a young woman's life all but destroyed by eating disorders. At just nine years old, Hornbacher began purging. Her every childhood memory revolves around food... literally every one of them. Having not lived with something so consuming, it is impossible for me to articulate these struggles. I've always felt that having an eating disorder is like being haunted by a horrendous demon, but this book conveys a life riddled with anorexia and/or bulimia as an even more intense, lifelong experience. Reading this book is as close as I'll ever get to being inside the mind of an anoretic and/or bulimic, and I'm realizing that living with these disorders is a virtual hell on earth.
Of all the intense situations recounted in this book, there's one particular occurrence I'd like to discuss. If I remember correctly, Hornbacher is roughly 14 years old and at the height of her bulimia. She's sitting in detention eating a bag of chips when her hippy and likely overweight teacher wags her finger and says, "A moment on the lips, forever on the hips." I'm praying to GAGA that those of you who work with young, impressionable minds (or ever come into contact with them, for that matter) NEVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THIS. As for those of us who don't, I'm begging that we don't say shit like this to each other! This seemingly innocent comment could be enough to spiral even the most secure of people into some weird state of self doubt and spur thoughts of body dysmorphia. GAGA only knows the unhealthy weightloss means one might adapt upon hearing such comments...
Why would anyone ever say something like that anyway?! Just to feel better about the fried Snickers they ate yesterday?! I'm gonna keep preaching for a bit, so I encourage you to skip to the next paragraph if you're sick of Jacko's lil' soap box rants. Anyway, we live in a culture where women (especially) are conditioned to constantly long to be thinner. What I find so sick about it all is that we put this pressure upon each other... It's not just our media-poisoned society, which I'm always so quick to blame, that's culpable. It's as if we think it's some big competition. Rather than banning together and encouraging one another to get healthy, we cackle when that bitch from high school gets fat. And I'm just as guilty as the next chick of participating in these little "Haha-she's-fatter-than-me-now" cackle fests. I don't care how much of a bitch she may or may not have been... as my roommate Morgan pointed out, we shouldn't wish fatness upon our worst enemies. Weight-gain not only compromises one's physical health, but it has obvious implications on one's mental well-being. The torture one could inflict upon themselves in response to weight-gain or even just snarky lil' belittling comments is so ridiculously unnecessary.
Being healthy is not a competition. I'm sick of that bull shit. I want even the bitchiest of all bitches to be healthy and feel good about themselves (after all, there's likely a reason he or she is such a bitch).
Here's hoping I didn't misspell hoards of words throughout this horribly rambling and preachy rant. And GAGA only knows how uneducated I sound when trying to wrap my head around perplexing things like eating disorders. But I think I've come to a bit of a conclusion... As Americans, we are not encouraged to be healthy. We are convinced we must be thin. Healthy and thin are not synonymous. If they were, we wouldn't see the quest to be thin in such a competitive manner. At some point, I'm sure a lot of us have said, "I'm skinnier than her, right?!" I, however, highly doubt you've find yourself asking whether you're healthier than that same person. I will finally conclude perhaps the preachiest of all Pledges with an excerpt from Hornbacher's memoir. She addresses how her struggle with eating disorders has turned her into a dual-figure of sorts. She also touches on the presence of that constant longing to be perpetually thinner. But first, I must ask... after this ridiculous post will anyone ever read The Pledge of Glory again?!
"My double image, the evil skinny bitch who hisses, Don't eat. I'm not going to let you eat. I'll let go as soon as you're thin, I swear I will. Everything will be okay when you're thin." - Marya Hornbacher's Wasted: a Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Monday, February 6, 2012
Whatever happened to flossing?
I'll begin by saying I almost cried tonight at work. There were no trying hotel guests. I hadn't been disciplined by management. And there weren't even any gaycist slurs thrown my way. Nope. I found myself fighting back the tears not when I missed Madonna's halftime show, but when I found out she had sung Like A Prayer. The moral of that pointless story: I'm a ridiculous person. And a privileged one at that.
How does one transition from such an irrelevant story?! Not smoothly, that's for sure... lets talk about flossing, shall we? It was but one of my many New Years resolutions. Well, February has only just begun and I've already stopped flossing. I've even stopped trying, for that matter. Where have all the good intentions gone?!
Speaking of good intentions, I am recommitting myself to The Pledge of Glory this week!!! Wednesday, February 8th marks 6 months of GAGAcising and health-consciousness!! Some of these months were healthier than others, and it's safe to say the month of January was likely the least healthy of them all! For whatever reason, I was most reminiscent of fat-Jackie throughout the month... neither eating nor drinking in moderation. Despite my success, I was just so damn sick of trying to lose weight. It starts to get to one after awhile, so apparently I deemed the month of January a "maintaining month." Weighing in between 192 and 195 lbs, I'm fairly confident I was able to do so without taking any steps back. I now have until April 28th to drop the last 10-13lbs, so there's no time like the present to recommit to my pledge!!! But of course I couldn't do so without having a fat-kid holiday of a weekend...
Whoever came up with the "I'm going to eat myself silly the day before dieting" ritual was a complete idiot. But who's the bigger yutz, the person who came up with the stupid ritual or the one who realizes how ridiculous it is and does it anyway?! Don't answer that... Anyway, yesterday just so happened to be that "last day of food-freedom" for me. Well, lets be honest, I treated the entire weekend like that. Without boring you with another lengthy excerpt from my food-diary, I'll try to briefly convey just how absurd my weekend eating habits were. It all began Friday night, when I started drinking at about 4:30 and didn't stop until midnight when I was wolfing down an insanely delicious Parthenon Gyro Chicken Caesar Pita sandwich. Mmmmm. Saturday, a day in which I was prepared to help family friends move, turned out to be a "stand around and watch the movers work while we eat bagels, pizza and Scotcharoo-bars" fest. And the true gluttony began Sunday when I had my first SHAMROCK SHAKE of the season, which I would never regret, but also an 11 pm piece of cheesecake. I don't even like cheesecake, but knowing my hours of food-freedom were disappearing I ate that slice just for the sport of it! The only merit I can find in the pre-diet glutton fest is the awful feeling you experience after such excessive indulgence... I, personally, felt so disgusting, wasteful and even weak-willed after a weekend of dizzying consumption. Here's hoping I remember that feeling the next time I try to eat my weight in whatever may be tempting me.
I've decided these last 10-13 lbs may be a real challenge to take off. I've also realized that virtually all of the "bad foods" I eat involve red meat of some form, particularly the many variations of mystery-meats served in the work cafeteria. To avoid consuming unhealthy foods like corn dogs or what they tell us is prime-rib, my co-worker and new bestie Michelle has given up red meat altogether. She has inspired me to do the same, or at least try to do so until the end of The Pledge. Thinking I'd already started this "no red meat" thing last week, I found myself eating both pepperoni pizza and bacon this weekend! Woof. I guess today starts day one of this quest, too!
A quick little update regarding my twice-weekly GAGAerobics gig (again, we GAGAcise every Tuesday and Thursday at Sotto at 6:30pm) -- I absolutely live for this! We're four sessions in, and I consistently have 6-8 GAGAcisers showing up to each class. Not a huge group, obviously, but it's actually a great size for the space and my non-mik'd voice. Nevertheless, there is always room for more GAGAcisers!!! Come one come all! I don't care how old you are nor do I expect you to wear pink-zebra spandex pants! If you're looking to have fun and get a great workout in, GAGAerobics is for you! And don't tell me people are going to laugh at or make fun of you... not happening in my GAGA-themed exercise class!!! And if you'd rather just watch, by all means we'd love to have you! The bartender on staff will gladly serve you a ring-side drink!
Here's hoping y'all will get yourselves your first Shamrock Shake of the season!!! Having been abroad last spring, the shake I drank yesterday was the first I'd had in two years! Life's simple pleasures should be enjoyed more regularly!!! But what a challenge this seasonal drink will pose to The Pledge...
"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're probably right." -- Ellen Hauser, educator, church-choir director, mother-extraordinaire
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
How does one transition from such an irrelevant story?! Not smoothly, that's for sure... lets talk about flossing, shall we? It was but one of my many New Years resolutions. Well, February has only just begun and I've already stopped flossing. I've even stopped trying, for that matter. Where have all the good intentions gone?!
Speaking of good intentions, I am recommitting myself to The Pledge of Glory this week!!! Wednesday, February 8th marks 6 months of GAGAcising and health-consciousness!! Some of these months were healthier than others, and it's safe to say the month of January was likely the least healthy of them all! For whatever reason, I was most reminiscent of fat-Jackie throughout the month... neither eating nor drinking in moderation. Despite my success, I was just so damn sick of trying to lose weight. It starts to get to one after awhile, so apparently I deemed the month of January a "maintaining month." Weighing in between 192 and 195 lbs, I'm fairly confident I was able to do so without taking any steps back. I now have until April 28th to drop the last 10-13lbs, so there's no time like the present to recommit to my pledge!!! But of course I couldn't do so without having a fat-kid holiday of a weekend...
Whoever came up with the "I'm going to eat myself silly the day before dieting" ritual was a complete idiot. But who's the bigger yutz, the person who came up with the stupid ritual or the one who realizes how ridiculous it is and does it anyway?! Don't answer that... Anyway, yesterday just so happened to be that "last day of food-freedom" for me. Well, lets be honest, I treated the entire weekend like that. Without boring you with another lengthy excerpt from my food-diary, I'll try to briefly convey just how absurd my weekend eating habits were. It all began Friday night, when I started drinking at about 4:30 and didn't stop until midnight when I was wolfing down an insanely delicious Parthenon Gyro Chicken Caesar Pita sandwich. Mmmmm. Saturday, a day in which I was prepared to help family friends move, turned out to be a "stand around and watch the movers work while we eat bagels, pizza and Scotcharoo-bars" fest. And the true gluttony began Sunday when I had my first SHAMROCK SHAKE of the season, which I would never regret, but also an 11 pm piece of cheesecake. I don't even like cheesecake, but knowing my hours of food-freedom were disappearing I ate that slice just for the sport of it! The only merit I can find in the pre-diet glutton fest is the awful feeling you experience after such excessive indulgence... I, personally, felt so disgusting, wasteful and even weak-willed after a weekend of dizzying consumption. Here's hoping I remember that feeling the next time I try to eat my weight in whatever may be tempting me.
I've decided these last 10-13 lbs may be a real challenge to take off. I've also realized that virtually all of the "bad foods" I eat involve red meat of some form, particularly the many variations of mystery-meats served in the work cafeteria. To avoid consuming unhealthy foods like corn dogs or what they tell us is prime-rib, my co-worker and new bestie Michelle has given up red meat altogether. She has inspired me to do the same, or at least try to do so until the end of The Pledge. Thinking I'd already started this "no red meat" thing last week, I found myself eating both pepperoni pizza and bacon this weekend! Woof. I guess today starts day one of this quest, too!
A quick little update regarding my twice-weekly GAGAerobics gig (again, we GAGAcise every Tuesday and Thursday at Sotto at 6:30pm) -- I absolutely live for this! We're four sessions in, and I consistently have 6-8 GAGAcisers showing up to each class. Not a huge group, obviously, but it's actually a great size for the space and my non-mik'd voice. Nevertheless, there is always room for more GAGAcisers!!! Come one come all! I don't care how old you are nor do I expect you to wear pink-zebra spandex pants! If you're looking to have fun and get a great workout in, GAGAerobics is for you! And don't tell me people are going to laugh at or make fun of you... not happening in my GAGA-themed exercise class!!! And if you'd rather just watch, by all means we'd love to have you! The bartender on staff will gladly serve you a ring-side drink!
Here's hoping y'all will get yourselves your first Shamrock Shake of the season!!! Having been abroad last spring, the shake I drank yesterday was the first I'd had in two years! Life's simple pleasures should be enjoyed more regularly!!! But what a challenge this seasonal drink will pose to The Pledge...
"Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're probably right." -- Ellen Hauser, educator, church-choir director, mother-extraordinaire
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
GAGAerobics Takes Madison
Just thought I'd quickly update The Pledge with a very pleasant announcement. Beginning tonight, Tuesday, January 24th, I will be leading group GAGAerobics sessions at Sotto every Tuesday and Thursday!!! Sotto, Madison's newest "gay-friendly" bar and dance club, will open its doors at 6 pm, and the GAGAcising will commence at 6:30! To say this is somewhat of a "dream come true" for me is cheesey, yet not overstated.
In a perfect world I'd be in the financial situation to rent out the space, and we'd all GAGAcise for free. But as most of you know, my job pays the bills and really nothing more. With that being said, GAGAerobics sessions are $3 each or two for $5. I want to make it very clear that I am not being paid to lead these sessions. We'd like to keep them as affordable as possible, and I'm most interested in simply sharing the experience with people who are looking to have good, healthy fun! To be surrounded by people who love GAGA, are invested in my goal or are just looking for a fun workout is payment enough! I need to GAGAcise anyway, so why not do so among friends?
What I find hilarious about this whole thing, is that I'm far from the typical aerobics instructor whose body you're covetting throughout a workout. No one is going to look at my body in envy. While I am not "the face" of fitness, what I'd like GAGAerobics participants to remember is that I am the face of improvement... someone who has made health a priority in her life, at least to a greater extent than it's ever been. Like Madonna's quote from the last edition of The Pledge says, "You can always change, become a better version of yourself." I'd like to think I'm doing that.
And I thought I had to be drunk to compliment myself! Speaking of which, don't comment on my figure if you see me, perhaps a little schnockered up, at a bar... as a couple friends learned last night, you'll likely get a lengthy response in which I shamelessly pat myself on the back for my weight-loss efforts. Sometimes it's hard to be modest when you feel good about yourself... and I was feeling particularly good last night for a few reasons.
Well here's hoping I see you at an upcoming GAGAerobics session!!! Whether it's this week or in March, I'll be at Sotto every Tuesday and Thursday ready for you! It's surely an experience!
"To enjoy each day as it comes is the greatest success of them all." -- a cheesey graduation card
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
In a perfect world I'd be in the financial situation to rent out the space, and we'd all GAGAcise for free. But as most of you know, my job pays the bills and really nothing more. With that being said, GAGAerobics sessions are $3 each or two for $5. I want to make it very clear that I am not being paid to lead these sessions. We'd like to keep them as affordable as possible, and I'm most interested in simply sharing the experience with people who are looking to have good, healthy fun! To be surrounded by people who love GAGA, are invested in my goal or are just looking for a fun workout is payment enough! I need to GAGAcise anyway, so why not do so among friends?
What I find hilarious about this whole thing, is that I'm far from the typical aerobics instructor whose body you're covetting throughout a workout. No one is going to look at my body in envy. While I am not "the face" of fitness, what I'd like GAGAerobics participants to remember is that I am the face of improvement... someone who has made health a priority in her life, at least to a greater extent than it's ever been. Like Madonna's quote from the last edition of The Pledge says, "You can always change, become a better version of yourself." I'd like to think I'm doing that.
And I thought I had to be drunk to compliment myself! Speaking of which, don't comment on my figure if you see me, perhaps a little schnockered up, at a bar... as a couple friends learned last night, you'll likely get a lengthy response in which I shamelessly pat myself on the back for my weight-loss efforts. Sometimes it's hard to be modest when you feel good about yourself... and I was feeling particularly good last night for a few reasons.
Well here's hoping I see you at an upcoming GAGAerobics session!!! Whether it's this week or in March, I'll be at Sotto every Tuesday and Thursday ready for you! It's surely an experience!
"To enjoy each day as it comes is the greatest success of them all." -- a cheesey graduation card
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Friday, January 13, 2012
Haus Rules
Morgan: I think living together again will be good for us. We'll be healthy influences on one another. How would you feel about having some house diet rules?
Me: I don't really do diet "rules."
Morgan: Well, I don't mean rules like, "No Drinking." I mean funny rules like, "No Angry Hummus."
What's "angry hummus" you ask?! Well, angry hummus is somewhat of an event that takes place after several hours of being nice to hotel guests. After work I'll sit down to chat with Morgan over a tub of hummus and some pretzels, and the gorging commences. With every story I tell about an annoying situation (or dare I say a trying guest), I'll chow down on another pretzel dunked in an even more laughable amount of hummus than the last. By the time I'm through venting, I've eaten half a tub (or about 5 servings) of hummus. Thus the instatement of our first of three house rules, No Angry Hummus. Yes, I understand that hummus might actually be somewhat "good" for me, but not in ice cream size portions. The other rules read as follows: No means NO and No Weighing on the Rag.
We've instated the No means NO rule, because we've struggled a bit in the past with the whole "eating in numbers" thing. We've been known to talk each other into eating things we should just so no to. Or sometimes, like the other night, we'll even talk each other into eating things we've found the will power to refuse. After an excellent aerobics session with our fabulous instructor "Pat," who lovingly refers to me as "Jackie with the fabulous hair," Morgan and I decided to take the State Street route home. And this route just so happens to run right past Qdoba, my ultimate weakness. Morgan suggested we go there for a little post-workout meal, and somehow I was able to say no. When we got back to the apartment she suggested it once again, and after I said no she hinted at going there yet again. After saying no a third or fourth time, I finally gave in. We went to Qdoba and while it was delicious, the joy that typically accompanies this experience just wasn't there. I was suddenly quite angry knowing that our awesome workout would be for naught, and I was also rather angry knowing I had said no at least three times.
And this the day after I'd had a conversation with Morgan about needing allies! I understand that The Pledge of Glory is completely my battle, but sometimes I could get by with a little help from my friends. You know, if we're at a bar together and I say I don't want a drink, I don't want a drink. I'm assuming anyone who knows me understands why I'm saying no, so PLEASE don't try to persuade me or tell me I look like I could use a drink! Hell, you hardly have to know me to have heard me preach about The Pledge... if you've met me even once, chances are I've taken it upon myself to tell you all about my little project. Anyway, I'd like to think I'm not one who needs to be schnookered up to have or be fun, so just be my ally and go with it. It can be damn hard for my fat inner booze-hound to say no, so please don't invite me to second guess that no when I actually do.
At the time of the Qdoba incident I was a little perturbed with Morgan, but this was definitely compounded by my bad, period attitude. Which leads me to our next rule, No Weighing on the Rag. This rule was purposed by Ms. Morgan after hearing me bitch innumerable times about the extra weight I carry around when menstruating. The whole Qdoba thing happened not only while on the rag but also shortly after the holiday season. Therefore, the scale was reading really lack-luster numbers in the high 190s/ low 200s range (those are some freakin' November numbers). So I was freaking out a bit about the 20lbs I'd have to lose in only four months... yes, I'd lost 20 in the four months prior, but loosing the weight will be increasingly more difficult from here on out.
Despite having vowed never to step on a scale during my period again, I was doing so and overreacting about pert near everything. Needless to say, as soon as I'd ditched the tampons my weight was drastically lower! Define drastic, you say. Well, on the rag the scale was consistently reading at least 198.9lbs. Almost immediately after saying farewell to "Aunt Flow," which is a ridiculous period euphemism my friend Paula (and no one else) used to say, the scale read 192.9!!! Hells freakin' bells! My weight has been fluctuating in the 192-195 range ever since, but after quite the SNOW DAY, FAT DAY it's sitting on the higher end of that spectrum. SNOW DAY, FAT DAYs, for the record, involve eating as much of whatever you want in celebration of a wintry storm. Even without Brianna, my best SNOW DAY, FAT DAY comrade, I had a pretty successful SNOW DAY, FAT DAY. I won't bore you with another food diary entry, but lets just say I ate out three times yesterday. Naturally, Qdoba was one such restaurant destination... so Ms. Morgan, one of my greatest Pledge allies, don't think I'm still salty over the Qdoba thing... I never really had the right to be salty about it from the get go.
Wow. Having failed to blog since December 23rd, I have SO MUCH TO SAY! I apologize about all the rambling that has taken and will continue to take place. I suppose I should address the holidays, but I don't really have anything insightful to say about them. I ate pretty much whatever I wanted and hardly "held back" at all. During the Tjoflat Christmas celebration, I guess I was pretty successful in wedging myself in a corner where I couldn't escape every two seconds to get some of mother Ellen's famous sweetened puff corn or one of sister Liz's ridiculous Paula Dean chocolate chip cookie dough truffles... they were literally giant balls of cookie dough dunked in delicious chocolate. Liz, did I thank you for providing perhaps the most difficult diet temptation yet? Overall, I guess I was pretty successful in not drinking a whole lot over the holidays... except for maybe that one night in downtown Whitehall where things got a little crazy at the "S&M" bar... what happens in S&M, stays in S&M.
Despite the holidays, I've managed to lose roughly 27lbs since this whole quest began in August. For those of you not real gifted in the math department, I've 13lbs to lose in order to meet my 40lb April 28th goal!!! Anyway, people often ask me something along the lines of, "So what's your secret?" I almost always struggle to answer this damn question. First of all, when you were an incredibly gluttonous, lazy college kid, a few healthy changes can work wonders for you. Simply getting my ass of the couch to GAGAcise or rollerblade thrice a week has been huge for me. And drinking at least less frequently than a college kid has done wonders as well.
But if I could sum it all up, I guess knowing myself has been the real secret. Though I can't seem to learn this lesson, I know I cannot sit down with a tub of hummus and eat a reasonable portion of it. It's as simple as portioning a bit out and enjoying it in moderation. Also, some nights I know I cannot go to a bar and just have one drink. The solution is simple. I shan't put myself in that situation on this particular night. Some nights I know I'm incapable of even passing by a Qdoba without coveting some Mexican Gumbo and ultimately stopping in. Once again, a simple solution... take a different route home. So lets know and understand ourselves! Know the temptations you can and cannot resist, know your triggers and discover the root of your unhealthy habits. To me, it's no coincidence whatsoever that I've been capable of revolutionizing my health in the same year I've announced, acknowledged and celebrated my lifestyle. Having come out, I'm no longer seeking comfort in unhealthy habits like excessive eating and drinking (with the exception of a few SNOW DAY, FAT DAYs here and there). Here's to a 2012 dedicated to total health... of mind, body and spirit!
Speaking of the new year, lets talk resolutions! Mine are as follows (and in no order of importance): Complete The Pledge, floss, MEET GAGA and leave Madison no later than September. As for that final resolution, do cities exist where the lesbian circle isn't so freakishly small?! GAGA, I hope so.
A quick story to demonstrate how effectively I often put my foot in my mouth... In the work cafeteria the other day, I gazed longingly at a vat of mystery meat (sometimes that stuff appeals to me... GAGA knows why). I asked my coworker what he thought it was, and he responded, "I don't know. It's probably pork, and I don't eat that stuff." So, thinking he's just another one of my interesting coworkers who refuses to eat pork because its gross or because pigs are allegedly very intelligent and therefore more aware of their suffering (not my rationale here, people) I say, "Oh, you're one of those, aren't you?" To which this coworker responds, "A Jew? Yes." Bahahaha thank GAGA this particular coworker has a great sense of humor...
Yet another tangent... The bathroom wall just told me, "Both sex outside of marriage and homosexuality are sins in God's sight." Yeah, and so are my SNOW DAY, FAT DAYs. As one of my oh-so-wise study abroad professors said while watching me dish copious amounts of Chef Bruno's homemade lasagna onto my plate, "GLUTTONY. Gluttony is in the third ring of Dante's inferno."
Here's hoping your 2011 was filled with as many positive experiences with wonderful friends and family as was mine! If the world indeed ends in December of this year, I will have at least spent 23 amazing years in the presence of some truly wonderful people. That, and won't have to pay back my student loans ;)
“No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you've come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself.” - Madonna
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Me: I don't really do diet "rules."
Morgan: Well, I don't mean rules like, "No Drinking." I mean funny rules like, "No Angry Hummus."
What's "angry hummus" you ask?! Well, angry hummus is somewhat of an event that takes place after several hours of being nice to hotel guests. After work I'll sit down to chat with Morgan over a tub of hummus and some pretzels, and the gorging commences. With every story I tell about an annoying situation (or dare I say a trying guest), I'll chow down on another pretzel dunked in an even more laughable amount of hummus than the last. By the time I'm through venting, I've eaten half a tub (or about 5 servings) of hummus. Thus the instatement of our first of three house rules, No Angry Hummus. Yes, I understand that hummus might actually be somewhat "good" for me, but not in ice cream size portions. The other rules read as follows: No means NO and No Weighing on the Rag.
We've instated the No means NO rule, because we've struggled a bit in the past with the whole "eating in numbers" thing. We've been known to talk each other into eating things we should just so no to. Or sometimes, like the other night, we'll even talk each other into eating things we've found the will power to refuse. After an excellent aerobics session with our fabulous instructor "Pat," who lovingly refers to me as "Jackie with the fabulous hair," Morgan and I decided to take the State Street route home. And this route just so happens to run right past Qdoba, my ultimate weakness. Morgan suggested we go there for a little post-workout meal, and somehow I was able to say no. When we got back to the apartment she suggested it once again, and after I said no she hinted at going there yet again. After saying no a third or fourth time, I finally gave in. We went to Qdoba and while it was delicious, the joy that typically accompanies this experience just wasn't there. I was suddenly quite angry knowing that our awesome workout would be for naught, and I was also rather angry knowing I had said no at least three times.
And this the day after I'd had a conversation with Morgan about needing allies! I understand that The Pledge of Glory is completely my battle, but sometimes I could get by with a little help from my friends. You know, if we're at a bar together and I say I don't want a drink, I don't want a drink. I'm assuming anyone who knows me understands why I'm saying no, so PLEASE don't try to persuade me or tell me I look like I could use a drink! Hell, you hardly have to know me to have heard me preach about The Pledge... if you've met me even once, chances are I've taken it upon myself to tell you all about my little project. Anyway, I'd like to think I'm not one who needs to be schnookered up to have or be fun, so just be my ally and go with it. It can be damn hard for my fat inner booze-hound to say no, so please don't invite me to second guess that no when I actually do.
At the time of the Qdoba incident I was a little perturbed with Morgan, but this was definitely compounded by my bad, period attitude. Which leads me to our next rule, No Weighing on the Rag. This rule was purposed by Ms. Morgan after hearing me bitch innumerable times about the extra weight I carry around when menstruating. The whole Qdoba thing happened not only while on the rag but also shortly after the holiday season. Therefore, the scale was reading really lack-luster numbers in the high 190s/ low 200s range (those are some freakin' November numbers). So I was freaking out a bit about the 20lbs I'd have to lose in only four months... yes, I'd lost 20 in the four months prior, but loosing the weight will be increasingly more difficult from here on out.
Despite having vowed never to step on a scale during my period again, I was doing so and overreacting about pert near everything. Needless to say, as soon as I'd ditched the tampons my weight was drastically lower! Define drastic, you say. Well, on the rag the scale was consistently reading at least 198.9lbs. Almost immediately after saying farewell to "Aunt Flow," which is a ridiculous period euphemism my friend Paula (and no one else) used to say, the scale read 192.9!!! Hells freakin' bells! My weight has been fluctuating in the 192-195 range ever since, but after quite the SNOW DAY, FAT DAY it's sitting on the higher end of that spectrum. SNOW DAY, FAT DAYs, for the record, involve eating as much of whatever you want in celebration of a wintry storm. Even without Brianna, my best SNOW DAY, FAT DAY comrade, I had a pretty successful SNOW DAY, FAT DAY. I won't bore you with another food diary entry, but lets just say I ate out three times yesterday. Naturally, Qdoba was one such restaurant destination... so Ms. Morgan, one of my greatest Pledge allies, don't think I'm still salty over the Qdoba thing... I never really had the right to be salty about it from the get go.
Wow. Having failed to blog since December 23rd, I have SO MUCH TO SAY! I apologize about all the rambling that has taken and will continue to take place. I suppose I should address the holidays, but I don't really have anything insightful to say about them. I ate pretty much whatever I wanted and hardly "held back" at all. During the Tjoflat Christmas celebration, I guess I was pretty successful in wedging myself in a corner where I couldn't escape every two seconds to get some of mother Ellen's famous sweetened puff corn or one of sister Liz's ridiculous Paula Dean chocolate chip cookie dough truffles... they were literally giant balls of cookie dough dunked in delicious chocolate. Liz, did I thank you for providing perhaps the most difficult diet temptation yet? Overall, I guess I was pretty successful in not drinking a whole lot over the holidays... except for maybe that one night in downtown Whitehall where things got a little crazy at the "S&M" bar... what happens in S&M, stays in S&M.
Despite the holidays, I've managed to lose roughly 27lbs since this whole quest began in August. For those of you not real gifted in the math department, I've 13lbs to lose in order to meet my 40lb April 28th goal!!! Anyway, people often ask me something along the lines of, "So what's your secret?" I almost always struggle to answer this damn question. First of all, when you were an incredibly gluttonous, lazy college kid, a few healthy changes can work wonders for you. Simply getting my ass of the couch to GAGAcise or rollerblade thrice a week has been huge for me. And drinking at least less frequently than a college kid has done wonders as well.
But if I could sum it all up, I guess knowing myself has been the real secret. Though I can't seem to learn this lesson, I know I cannot sit down with a tub of hummus and eat a reasonable portion of it. It's as simple as portioning a bit out and enjoying it in moderation. Also, some nights I know I cannot go to a bar and just have one drink. The solution is simple. I shan't put myself in that situation on this particular night. Some nights I know I'm incapable of even passing by a Qdoba without coveting some Mexican Gumbo and ultimately stopping in. Once again, a simple solution... take a different route home. So lets know and understand ourselves! Know the temptations you can and cannot resist, know your triggers and discover the root of your unhealthy habits. To me, it's no coincidence whatsoever that I've been capable of revolutionizing my health in the same year I've announced, acknowledged and celebrated my lifestyle. Having come out, I'm no longer seeking comfort in unhealthy habits like excessive eating and drinking (with the exception of a few SNOW DAY, FAT DAYs here and there). Here's to a 2012 dedicated to total health... of mind, body and spirit!
Speaking of the new year, lets talk resolutions! Mine are as follows (and in no order of importance): Complete The Pledge, floss, MEET GAGA and leave Madison no later than September. As for that final resolution, do cities exist where the lesbian circle isn't so freakishly small?! GAGA, I hope so.
A quick story to demonstrate how effectively I often put my foot in my mouth... In the work cafeteria the other day, I gazed longingly at a vat of mystery meat (sometimes that stuff appeals to me... GAGA knows why). I asked my coworker what he thought it was, and he responded, "I don't know. It's probably pork, and I don't eat that stuff." So, thinking he's just another one of my interesting coworkers who refuses to eat pork because its gross or because pigs are allegedly very intelligent and therefore more aware of their suffering (not my rationale here, people) I say, "Oh, you're one of those, aren't you?" To which this coworker responds, "A Jew? Yes." Bahahaha thank GAGA this particular coworker has a great sense of humor...
Yet another tangent... The bathroom wall just told me, "Both sex outside of marriage and homosexuality are sins in God's sight." Yeah, and so are my SNOW DAY, FAT DAYs. As one of my oh-so-wise study abroad professors said while watching me dish copious amounts of Chef Bruno's homemade lasagna onto my plate, "GLUTTONY. Gluttony is in the third ring of Dante's inferno."
Here's hoping your 2011 was filled with as many positive experiences with wonderful friends and family as was mine! If the world indeed ends in December of this year, I will have at least spent 23 amazing years in the presence of some truly wonderful people. That, and won't have to pay back my student loans ;)
“No matter who you are, no matter what you did, no matter where you've come from, you can always change, become a better version of yourself.” - Madonna
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)