I went rollerblading last week in the beautiful farm country that surrounds Madison. On this oh-so-crisp fall day, I got on the amazingly smooth path and flew. I thought I was blading so fast because of my newly rotated wheels, but I found out 30 minutes later it was definitely the gusty wind at my back. When I turned around to head back, I could hardly move. Standing 6'4" on blades and weighing roughly 208.6 lbs (where has all the progress gone?!), I may be the least aerodynamic woman in the world. Rollerblading in the wind felt nearly impossible. At one point I was so exhausted I just turned around and let the wind push me... the powerful gusts would've pushed me as far as I wanted to go, but I soon did an about-face after deciding I'd just have further windy blading to go upon turning around.
As I slowly bladed home, I realized how much blading in the wind is like my Pledge of Glory efforts. When I first began the Pledge, I was incredibly well behaved (in terms of my diet) and totally on board (in terms of my work out routine). The results were desirable and came on quickly. Much like rollerblading with the wind at your back, The Pledge of Glory was fun and even enjoyable. But the wind won't always be at your back, and you'll eventually have to turn around.
The week following the 2 month anniversary of the Pledge of Glory (Oct. 9-16) was that turn-around point for me. For whatever reason, I let myself drink (and not in moderation) three times at the beginning of that week. And every night I got a little buzzed, I deemed it necessary to also stuff myself with late-night, slightly drunken food.... three nights in a row. By Thursday of that week, The Pledge of Glory had gotten so difficult for me I decided to take a break from it all together. Knowing that everybody and my sister (literally) would be coming to Madison to take part in copious eating and drinking that coming weekend, I decided it was as good a time as any to take a Pledge-vacation. I was completely exhausted from rollerblading into the wind, so I decided to turn around and let the gusts push me. And lord, can it be fun to let the wind take you!
But like I said earlier, when the wind's at your back and your just coasting along, you'll eventually come to your senses.... at some point you'll realize that the further you let the wind take you, the further you'll have to blade into it upon turning around. You have to get home eventually, so the sooner you turn around the better. For the Pledge of Glory, "home" is my 40 lb goal. I have to get there eventually, so what's the sense in letting the wind take me further in the wrong direction?
So while the Pledge-vaction was fun and much needed, when Monday, October 17th came along I was ready to hop back on the GAGA-wagon. It was like I was starting the Pledge all over again... I still feel incredibly back on board and so re-commited. My eating habits are back on track, and the exercise portion of the Pledge is as consistent as it's ever been. With my Pledge-vacation I'd even taken a break from blogging, but I'm now back with a vengeance! Once you woman-up and decide to face the wind, you will get some of that momentum back.
I have been between 206 and 210 pounds since the beginning of October. After getting fed up with rollerblading into the wind, I'm back at it. I haven't forgotten about The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge, and I'm still convinced I can get under 200 by that glorious holiday. Perhaps it's a steap goal, but I'm shooting for the stars and hoping to at least land among them. When I get discouraged (and I do... especially when the scale read 208.6lbs yesterday), I remember how good I feel about my increasingly svelte self. In fact, I went shopping last night with my friend Morgan and had a blast. Morgan now works at the Buckle, of all places, and I let her bring me pair of jeans, after pair of jeans, after pair of jeans. Prior to this little shopping excursion, I was convinced that store had nothing for people my size. But they do, and a once tyring and painful experience was no longer such an emotional process. Here's to hitting a plateau and still feeling good about the Pledge!
And here's hoping I'll be able to get into bars in my Judas inspired GAGA-ween costume! I'll literally be wearing boy-short panties over my fishnets... so hopefully this is viewed as "appropriate" attire. I mean, GAGA goes everywhere pant-less. Why can't I?!
"I say if you got it, flaunt it. You gotta show off that bunt cake!" -- a cow from one of those California milk commercials I hate so much... nevertheless, some very wise words!
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Monday, October 24, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
And so, we celebrate.
Yes, I am celebrating many things this week. First and foremost, I celebrated my first National Coming Out Day as an openly gay woman. Here's to the amazing people in my life who love me just as much as ever... many of whom pretended to act surprised when I came out to them, and others who responded with a "Well, duh." or "It's about time." Whatever your reaction, I thank each and every one of you for your loving support. While this is slightly overdue (both my coming out and the matter I'm about to address), I continue to celebrate the engagement of my sister Kassie and her beloved Sasha. No, she's not marrying a drag queen... Sasha is allegedly the Russian equivalent of the name Alexander. Here's to their highly anticipated hippie wedding! And Sasha, we're so pleased to welcome someone like you, who makes Kassie so very happy, into our family. And last, but certainly not least, I'm celebrating the two month anniversary of The Pledge of Glory!!! These two months of (relatively) healthy eating and GAGAcising have truly paid off... roughly 60 days ago I weighed in at a whopping 221.6 lbs. The last time I stepped on a scale, however, I'm proud to say it read 206.3 lbs! That's a total of 15.3 lbs shed!!! I can't tell you how good it feels to finally button that pair of jeans I haven't worn since high school and to have my work pants literally falling off my ass. And hey, not suffering through bi-daily diarrhea episodes is pretty damn nice too.
I think I'll take this joyous moment, this the day after National Coming Out Day, to tell my coming out story. Again, I refer to my official coming out as the day I told my parents. Who knows, if it weren't for The Rainbow Air Purifying and Vacuum System I may still be a closeted lesbo.
It all began the last weekend in June. I had just been hired to sell The Rainbow, and my boss had given me $50 to drive home and practice the" informercial" on those I love and feel most comfortable around. This also happened to be the weekend of Minneapolis Pride, so I had every intention of killing two birds with one stone (note, no birds were actually harmed in my coming out process). I sat my mother down and began giving her the little spiel. Things were going releatively smoothly, until I began getting calls and texts from my beloved cousin Erik and my dear friend Monique... you see, I was planning to go to Pride with Erik on either Friday or Saturday and spend time with Monique and our friend Shane the other night. But I was freaking out about which day would be better for which, and my mother just couldn't understand my predicament. I mean, she knew I was going to Minneapolis to visit Cousin Erik, but she had no idea we'd be partaking in the Pride festivities. And that's exactly why I was freaking out...I was so concerned about concealing the actual reason I was going to Minneapolis and ultimately concealing my sexual identity. So I said to myself, "Jackie, just come out with it. Be honest with your mother."
So I abruptly stopped The Rainbow presentation to come out to my mother, saying, "Ok, Mom. I have something more important to tell you. I don't exactly identify as a lesbian... I consider myself a bisexual. Well, let me put it this way. On a scale from 1, being very straight, to 6, being very gay, I'm a 4.85." To which she responded, "Oh my word, Jackie." I've decided this was her way of pretending to be surprised... after all, I dreamt of being the first female NFL player as a child. Anyway, we talked the matter over for a few minutes and my dad finally walked in on the conversation. I said, "Dad, did you hear what we're talking about?" He said no. "Well, I just told Mom I'm gay or bi or whatever." He literally chuckled and hugged me. It wasn't until this moment that I got upset... I just felt like he didn't take such a monumental announcement very seriously. But my mother explained his reaction was merely nervous laughter, and all was well. Leave it to Mom to make this delicate situation comical... she ended the conversation saying, "You know, they say when you have daughters that sons will come later... maybe not!" I guess the whole ordeal was already pretty comical... after all, I came out to my parents when trying to sell them a $2,000 Rainbow vacuum.
Here's hoping The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge will go a little better from here on out... I haven't exactly upped my game since signing on to this mini-pledge, and dropping 10 lbs by Thanksgiving is not gonna be easy! But, it's a new day and a new opportunity to kick some Pledge of Glory ass!
"Gay people are only as cool as their rebelious straight middle sisters." -- the newly engaged Kassie Hauser
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
I think I'll take this joyous moment, this the day after National Coming Out Day, to tell my coming out story. Again, I refer to my official coming out as the day I told my parents. Who knows, if it weren't for The Rainbow Air Purifying and Vacuum System I may still be a closeted lesbo.
It all began the last weekend in June. I had just been hired to sell The Rainbow, and my boss had given me $50 to drive home and practice the" informercial" on those I love and feel most comfortable around. This also happened to be the weekend of Minneapolis Pride, so I had every intention of killing two birds with one stone (note, no birds were actually harmed in my coming out process). I sat my mother down and began giving her the little spiel. Things were going releatively smoothly, until I began getting calls and texts from my beloved cousin Erik and my dear friend Monique... you see, I was planning to go to Pride with Erik on either Friday or Saturday and spend time with Monique and our friend Shane the other night. But I was freaking out about which day would be better for which, and my mother just couldn't understand my predicament. I mean, she knew I was going to Minneapolis to visit Cousin Erik, but she had no idea we'd be partaking in the Pride festivities. And that's exactly why I was freaking out...I was so concerned about concealing the actual reason I was going to Minneapolis and ultimately concealing my sexual identity. So I said to myself, "Jackie, just come out with it. Be honest with your mother."
So I abruptly stopped The Rainbow presentation to come out to my mother, saying, "Ok, Mom. I have something more important to tell you. I don't exactly identify as a lesbian... I consider myself a bisexual. Well, let me put it this way. On a scale from 1, being very straight, to 6, being very gay, I'm a 4.85." To which she responded, "Oh my word, Jackie." I've decided this was her way of pretending to be surprised... after all, I dreamt of being the first female NFL player as a child. Anyway, we talked the matter over for a few minutes and my dad finally walked in on the conversation. I said, "Dad, did you hear what we're talking about?" He said no. "Well, I just told Mom I'm gay or bi or whatever." He literally chuckled and hugged me. It wasn't until this moment that I got upset... I just felt like he didn't take such a monumental announcement very seriously. But my mother explained his reaction was merely nervous laughter, and all was well. Leave it to Mom to make this delicate situation comical... she ended the conversation saying, "You know, they say when you have daughters that sons will come later... maybe not!" I guess the whole ordeal was already pretty comical... after all, I came out to my parents when trying to sell them a $2,000 Rainbow vacuum.
Here's hoping The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge will go a little better from here on out... I haven't exactly upped my game since signing on to this mini-pledge, and dropping 10 lbs by Thanksgiving is not gonna be easy! But, it's a new day and a new opportunity to kick some Pledge of Glory ass!
"Gay people are only as cool as their rebelious straight middle sisters." -- the newly engaged Kassie Hauser
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge!
Oh, lord...The Pledge of Glory has been a real challenge lately. Not so much the exercising part, but the whole eating, shall we say, "responsibly" part. This week was supposed to mark the revitalization of The Pledge, but something possesed me to visit Paul Bunyan's Cook Shanty in Wisconsin Dells. And that something, was my dear friend Hillary... she's moving to Florida, so I thought she should have an awesomely cheesey Wisconsin send-off. But unless you aspire to be yet another morbidly obese American, you should probably never go to the Cook Shanty. I didn't know that Paul Bunyan's would serve up an all-you-can-eat, family style breakfast feast of Thanksgiving proportions when I suggested it, but I should've guessed it. Needless to say, I embraced my inner Paula Bunyan and feasted. The only sign of The Pledge was when I cut my homemade doughnut in half... Soon enough, however, I was helping myself to seconds of biscuits and gravy, fried potatoes, sausage links and pancakes that rival even those of Randy's Family Restaurant. But heck, we had a damn good time, and although I walked away perhaps three pounds heavier, I also left the proud owner of a t-shirt that reads "nuthin' like a good s'moregasm."
Speaking of that awesome t-shirt, well, I just couldn't wait to put it on...so I disappeared to the side of the building where I thought I was semi-hidden and could quickly slip it on. Of course, right as I was shirtless, this frickin' 4 year old boy peaked around the corner and got more than he bargained for. He's likely been wondering since why that strange boy was wearing a bra, and I would venture to say he had nigthmares about it last night.
Of all days to visit Paul Bunyan's Gluton Shanty, I chose to do so the day after I signed on to The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. So what exactly is The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge? Well, The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge is really quite self explanatory. My sisters and I have each pledged to lose 10lbs by Thanksgiving... hense the name, The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. If my calculations are correct and The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge goes as planned, I'll weigh in at just under 200lbs by that glorious holiday. What a momentus occasion it will be and all thanks to this pledge within a pledge known as The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge! I don't think I've been under 200lbs since those 2 weeks in eigth grade when I was uncharacteristically skinny. Anyway, if you've been looking for a little motivation to lose some weight, why not sign on to The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge yourself?! My new friend and fellow co-worker Melissa is already on board for The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. Why not you?! Unless, of course, you're already a skinny bitch and have little to no weight to lose... In that case, forego The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge and just try out some GAGAerobics for the hell of it! Speaking of which, I promise to post a GAGAerobics video very soon so y'all can see how it's done (and also laugh at the ridiculocity of it all).
Here's hoping the male hotel guests can keep their composure around me... first they compliment my Danny Zukko hair...then they're calling me "a tall drink of water." Not exactly my target audience, but hey, gotta love the ego-boost. And, of course, here's to The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge!!! I'd love to hear if you plan to take the challenge yourself!
"I am the one who got myself fat, who did all the eating. So I had to take full responsibility for it." -- Kirstie Alley
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Speaking of that awesome t-shirt, well, I just couldn't wait to put it on...so I disappeared to the side of the building where I thought I was semi-hidden and could quickly slip it on. Of course, right as I was shirtless, this frickin' 4 year old boy peaked around the corner and got more than he bargained for. He's likely been wondering since why that strange boy was wearing a bra, and I would venture to say he had nigthmares about it last night.
Of all days to visit Paul Bunyan's Gluton Shanty, I chose to do so the day after I signed on to The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. So what exactly is The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge? Well, The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge is really quite self explanatory. My sisters and I have each pledged to lose 10lbs by Thanksgiving... hense the name, The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. If my calculations are correct and The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge goes as planned, I'll weigh in at just under 200lbs by that glorious holiday. What a momentus occasion it will be and all thanks to this pledge within a pledge known as The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge! I don't think I've been under 200lbs since those 2 weeks in eigth grade when I was uncharacteristically skinny. Anyway, if you've been looking for a little motivation to lose some weight, why not sign on to The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge yourself?! My new friend and fellow co-worker Melissa is already on board for The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge. Why not you?! Unless, of course, you're already a skinny bitch and have little to no weight to lose... In that case, forego The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge and just try out some GAGAerobics for the hell of it! Speaking of which, I promise to post a GAGAerobics video very soon so y'all can see how it's done (and also laugh at the ridiculocity of it all).
Here's hoping the male hotel guests can keep their composure around me... first they compliment my Danny Zukko hair...then they're calling me "a tall drink of water." Not exactly my target audience, but hey, gotta love the ego-boost. And, of course, here's to The Hauser Sister 10lb Thanksgiving Challenge!!! I'd love to hear if you plan to take the challenge yourself!
"I am the one who got myself fat, who did all the eating. So I had to take full responsibility for it." -- Kirstie Alley
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
The week of the metaphorical "step back"
As the title suggests, I was not the most diligent of "pledgers" this week. Despite the many steps forward I feel I've taken, I'd call this week an overall "step back." Considering my most recent weigh in (down to 209.8... a total loss of 11.8lbs!), I think I'm being a little rough on myself... however, I'm well aware that the next 30 lbs will not come off if I keep this behavior up.
It all started on Thursday night. Actually, it started Wednesday night when I couldn't resist the temptation of a McDonald's hot fudge sundae... But hey, of all the things I could eat at McDonald's, a hot fudge sundae is definitely the lesser of many evils. Well, perhaps my pledge vacation really began last weekend when I drank more than a "moderate" amount alcohol and decided to get some late-night, slightly drunk food... I'm often left unsatisfied with such dining escapades, but that was definitely not the case last weekend. I had the most delicious tacos known to woman, leaving me with the lasting imperssion of drunk-food as an ever-satisfying experience. Not good.
Anyway...back to Thursday. I went out to dinner with my dear roommate Sean and his wonderful sister Jessie as well as her equally wonderful boyfriend Joe. We met at this east-African restaurant, and since I'd never been before I'd decided I could go "all out." And go all out I did. Not only did I get a beer, I also opted for the combo platter rather than the normal, single portion. Guess who ate every crumb or dollup of her gravy/curry-esque "slop" (for lack of better descriptors)?! I sure as hell did. I also ate the majority of the spongey sourdough tortilla of sorts it was served on... I apologize for the very rough and improper (yet hopefully non-offensive) terminology. I wasn't really suffering from eater's remorse, however, as I know the occasional "step back" will happen. But I did feel a little guilty about the fact that Jessie and Joe treated... what doll-faces!
Speaking of Jessie and Joe, I actually met them in the middle of a GAGAerobics session. I was likely on the floor doing one of my many abdominal exercises, but observers unfamiliar with GAGAcise could easily mistake such techniques for birthing methods. And, per usual, I was sweating like an 8th grade boy at a roller rink... for those of you who haven't been to a roller rink in awhile, that's pretty damn sweaty (yes, I was just at a roller rink last weekend).
Back to my pledge-deviation. Well, not only did I eat too much African cuisine on Thursday night, I then decided to get some frozen yogurt. And by some, I mean a copius amount of it. Sure, frozen yogurt's not all that bad for you. But once you add some Twix pieces, chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, graham cracker crumbs and cookie dough, your once healthy treat has become no more than a vehicle for chocolate.
The week of the metaphorical "step back" continued on Saturday night. AJ, one of my best gay boyfriends, was having a housewarming party. There was much wine and hors d'oeuvres involved, and once again I was not holding back. Deciding I could drink as much as I wanted lead to the decision that I could eat whatever I wanted. AJ and his roommates Jon and Tiffany are quite the little kitchen warriors, so I was unable to resist their pesto pizzas, tomato tarts, quiches, cheeses and LITTLE SMOKIES! And Jon may have single handedly destroyed The Pledge of Glory with his lemon ricotta cookies... seriously, these were the most delicious non-chocolate cookies ever. I had not one, not two, but three of them. It seems I had triple portions of everything I ate that night... the Jackie of yesteryear was back. It was actually a little frightening. It was as if I was getting this high from knowing I was cheating on my diet... I kept eating not because I wanted to, but because I knew I wasn't supposed to being so. I guess that's how dieitng goody-goodies "rebel." How pathetic.
Just as my food choices had been lack-luster, so was my exercise routine. I took the whole weekend off from GAGAerobics, and this likely had much to do with my pledge-deviation. Just hearing the music is enough to motivate me. So yesterday when I GAGAcised for the first time in what felt like forever, I was instantly back on the wagon. It's a new week and a new opportunity to kick some Pledge of Glory ass.
Here's hoping that, unlike my dream last night, I'm able to refrain from competitive cupcake eating contests!
"I just wanted to take a moment because we lost a little monster this week... Jamey, I know you're looking down on us and you're not a victim, you're a lesson to all of us." -- Lady Gaga (when dedicating her song "Hair" to Jamey Rodemeyer, a bullied gay 14-year-old who recently took his life)
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
It all started on Thursday night. Actually, it started Wednesday night when I couldn't resist the temptation of a McDonald's hot fudge sundae... But hey, of all the things I could eat at McDonald's, a hot fudge sundae is definitely the lesser of many evils. Well, perhaps my pledge vacation really began last weekend when I drank more than a "moderate" amount alcohol and decided to get some late-night, slightly drunk food... I'm often left unsatisfied with such dining escapades, but that was definitely not the case last weekend. I had the most delicious tacos known to woman, leaving me with the lasting imperssion of drunk-food as an ever-satisfying experience. Not good.
Anyway...back to Thursday. I went out to dinner with my dear roommate Sean and his wonderful sister Jessie as well as her equally wonderful boyfriend Joe. We met at this east-African restaurant, and since I'd never been before I'd decided I could go "all out." And go all out I did. Not only did I get a beer, I also opted for the combo platter rather than the normal, single portion. Guess who ate every crumb or dollup of her gravy/curry-esque "slop" (for lack of better descriptors)?! I sure as hell did. I also ate the majority of the spongey sourdough tortilla of sorts it was served on... I apologize for the very rough and improper (yet hopefully non-offensive) terminology. I wasn't really suffering from eater's remorse, however, as I know the occasional "step back" will happen. But I did feel a little guilty about the fact that Jessie and Joe treated... what doll-faces!
Speaking of Jessie and Joe, I actually met them in the middle of a GAGAerobics session. I was likely on the floor doing one of my many abdominal exercises, but observers unfamiliar with GAGAcise could easily mistake such techniques for birthing methods. And, per usual, I was sweating like an 8th grade boy at a roller rink... for those of you who haven't been to a roller rink in awhile, that's pretty damn sweaty (yes, I was just at a roller rink last weekend).
Back to my pledge-deviation. Well, not only did I eat too much African cuisine on Thursday night, I then decided to get some frozen yogurt. And by some, I mean a copius amount of it. Sure, frozen yogurt's not all that bad for you. But once you add some Twix pieces, chocolate chips, white chocolate chips, graham cracker crumbs and cookie dough, your once healthy treat has become no more than a vehicle for chocolate.
The week of the metaphorical "step back" continued on Saturday night. AJ, one of my best gay boyfriends, was having a housewarming party. There was much wine and hors d'oeuvres involved, and once again I was not holding back. Deciding I could drink as much as I wanted lead to the decision that I could eat whatever I wanted. AJ and his roommates Jon and Tiffany are quite the little kitchen warriors, so I was unable to resist their pesto pizzas, tomato tarts, quiches, cheeses and LITTLE SMOKIES! And Jon may have single handedly destroyed The Pledge of Glory with his lemon ricotta cookies... seriously, these were the most delicious non-chocolate cookies ever. I had not one, not two, but three of them. It seems I had triple portions of everything I ate that night... the Jackie of yesteryear was back. It was actually a little frightening. It was as if I was getting this high from knowing I was cheating on my diet... I kept eating not because I wanted to, but because I knew I wasn't supposed to being so. I guess that's how dieitng goody-goodies "rebel." How pathetic.
Just as my food choices had been lack-luster, so was my exercise routine. I took the whole weekend off from GAGAerobics, and this likely had much to do with my pledge-deviation. Just hearing the music is enough to motivate me. So yesterday when I GAGAcised for the first time in what felt like forever, I was instantly back on the wagon. It's a new week and a new opportunity to kick some Pledge of Glory ass.
Here's hoping that, unlike my dream last night, I'm able to refrain from competitive cupcake eating contests!
"I just wanted to take a moment because we lost a little monster this week... Jamey, I know you're looking down on us and you're not a victim, you're a lesson to all of us." -- Lady Gaga (when dedicating her song "Hair" to Jamey Rodemeyer, a bullied gay 14-year-old who recently took his life)
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
Jackie
Monday, September 19, 2011
And first...the bad news.
Yes, there is yet more good and bad news in the land of GAGAerobics. The bad news is (as if I need to tell you), I suck at keeping up with this blog! Again, it's been two weeks :S In my defense, I'm having some major issues accessing the internet at our apartment...so, the only place I can get online is work, and I often don't have time there to post an entire blog. They actually expect me to do hotel-related things there! The gall! But I also have good news, and it's very good news -- I'm far better at the losing weight aspect of The Pledge than I am the blogging portion of it! Just how much better you ask?! Well, The Pledge of Glory officially began on August 8...exactly 6 weeks ago. In these past 6 weeks I've managed to drop 10.5 lbs!!! I'm down from 221.6 lbs to 210.1!!! Believe me when I say, if I can do it anyone can.
Not that this has been easy by any means, but everything I've done has been very reasonable...you know, things I can feasibly continue come late April. Sure, I'm "dieting," but Lord knows I never go hungry. The way I see it, I can eat as many "fruits of the earth" as I'd like...fruits, veggies, nuts, etc. And don't think I never cheat...I do (especially on the weekends). But when I do, I try my darndest to apply the Ellen Hauser method: consume very sensible portions (at the Old Fashioned the other night, that meant eating 6 cheese curds as opposed to an entire order, and drinking one beer as opposed to four plus). And my exercise routine is also very do-able. I probably do GAGAerobics 3-4 times a week, and supplement that with rollerblading at least twice a week. I can't tell you how effective GAGAerobics is! I seriously sweat my tits off every time I do it...well, I'd like to think I'm sweating my love-handles and side-boobs off instead ;) Perhaps the best thing about GAGAerobics is its efficiency... if I'm running short on time (Lord knows I always am), I simply put in The Fame Monster. This, GAGA's second CD, is only 35 minutes long! Seriously, every single one of us can set asside a half an hour for exercise! Especially if it's this fun...
But just because it's fun, doesn't mean it's easy. Right, Shane Buchli?! I hate to throw you under the bus, love, but "the people" need to hear just how challenging GAGAerobics can be! My dearest Shane came down to Madison last weekend for a visit. So, naturally, we decided to do a little GAGAerobics together. I kid you not, we were 4 songs in and Shane opted to sit the second half of the CD out! And Shane is not an unshapely man...he regularly runs and plays tennis! Since our little GAGAcising session, Shane has crafted a pledge of his own...he's vowed to do 30 minutes of MADONNAerobics each day until the spring release of her newest CD. When watching me GAGAcise, Shane called me "an inspiration," and I doubt I've ever been more proud. Such supportive friends and family have played a large role in the success of The Pledge of Glory.
Well, enough with all this talk...it's time to get an extended GAGAerobics session in!!! I'm gonna pop the Born This Way CD in and dance off the pounds ala Richard Simmons!!! Again, I invite each and every one of you to join me! Seriously, any time!
Can't get enough Pledge of Glory?! Follow me each dance-step of the way on Twitter @PledgeOfGlory (or Jackie Hauser...I still don't fully understand this whole Twitter thing). Like Shane Buchli, I'd love to know if you've crafted a pledge of your own! If so, tweet at me, facebook me or comment on my blog!
Here's hoping the female hotel guest I referred to as "sir" (not once, but twice) will eventually forgive me :S Oh, and avoid the peaches at Trader Joes, but do not hesitate to buy their nectarines!!!
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
"You want to live the dream? You do what you want on your own terms." - Courtney Love
Jackie
Not that this has been easy by any means, but everything I've done has been very reasonable...you know, things I can feasibly continue come late April. Sure, I'm "dieting," but Lord knows I never go hungry. The way I see it, I can eat as many "fruits of the earth" as I'd like...fruits, veggies, nuts, etc. And don't think I never cheat...I do (especially on the weekends). But when I do, I try my darndest to apply the Ellen Hauser method: consume very sensible portions (at the Old Fashioned the other night, that meant eating 6 cheese curds as opposed to an entire order, and drinking one beer as opposed to four plus). And my exercise routine is also very do-able. I probably do GAGAerobics 3-4 times a week, and supplement that with rollerblading at least twice a week. I can't tell you how effective GAGAerobics is! I seriously sweat my tits off every time I do it...well, I'd like to think I'm sweating my love-handles and side-boobs off instead ;) Perhaps the best thing about GAGAerobics is its efficiency... if I'm running short on time (Lord knows I always am), I simply put in The Fame Monster. This, GAGA's second CD, is only 35 minutes long! Seriously, every single one of us can set asside a half an hour for exercise! Especially if it's this fun...
But just because it's fun, doesn't mean it's easy. Right, Shane Buchli?! I hate to throw you under the bus, love, but "the people" need to hear just how challenging GAGAerobics can be! My dearest Shane came down to Madison last weekend for a visit. So, naturally, we decided to do a little GAGAerobics together. I kid you not, we were 4 songs in and Shane opted to sit the second half of the CD out! And Shane is not an unshapely man...he regularly runs and plays tennis! Since our little GAGAcising session, Shane has crafted a pledge of his own...he's vowed to do 30 minutes of MADONNAerobics each day until the spring release of her newest CD. When watching me GAGAcise, Shane called me "an inspiration," and I doubt I've ever been more proud. Such supportive friends and family have played a large role in the success of The Pledge of Glory.
Well, enough with all this talk...it's time to get an extended GAGAerobics session in!!! I'm gonna pop the Born This Way CD in and dance off the pounds ala Richard Simmons!!! Again, I invite each and every one of you to join me! Seriously, any time!
Can't get enough Pledge of Glory?! Follow me each dance-step of the way on Twitter @PledgeOfGlory (or Jackie Hauser...I still don't fully understand this whole Twitter thing). Like Shane Buchli, I'd love to know if you've crafted a pledge of your own! If so, tweet at me, facebook me or comment on my blog!
Here's hoping the female hotel guest I referred to as "sir" (not once, but twice) will eventually forgive me :S Oh, and avoid the peaches at Trader Joes, but do not hesitate to buy their nectarines!!!
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
"You want to live the dream? You do what you want on your own terms." - Courtney Love
Jackie
Monday, September 5, 2011
Ok, Cupid...
Well, y'all... I'm not one to disseminate stereotypes about women. After all, I am one... and a feminist at that. However, the free online dating service "Ok Cupid" has me wondering whether women are as perplexing, moody and hard to read as men like to think we are. I've, shall we say, "pursued" very few women, but in each attempt I've been rejected (what a harsh word) by chicks who have given me every reason to believe they're quite in to me. Wouldn't texts like "Is that an inivitation? Lol. Can't wait." and "Do you at some point want to have children?" lead you to believe one is rather interested? And in the case of the latter, extremely interested? Lord, the first and only date I've gone on as a result of Ok Cupid seemed to go well. Sure, it was pretty obvious (likely to both of us) that we didn't have a whole lot in common, but she texted immediately after and said "I had fun :)." Not to mention the several seemingly desperate texts I got prior to the date. Nevertheless, I never heard from her again... even after I drunkenly texted her a couple days later. It's not like I'm extremely disappointed about the whole affair, I'm just a little puzzled. Who am I kidding?! I wanted to have children with this girl!
Moving on... Well, there have been both good and bad happenings in the land of GAGAerobics. First, I incorporated my new balance ball (courtesy Jeff and Ellen Hauser) into the routine today! It'll be a great way to keeps things fresh. Unfortuntalely, one of my other new additions, the shake weight, is out of commission. That's what I get for ordering the damn thing on Amazon! Take it from me, when you purchase a shake weight of your own, and you should, spend the extra money and buy it at Target.
In other news, despite eating an entire Falbo's calzone last night (give me a break, I hadn't eaten any variation of pizza in almost a month!), I seem to be down 5 or 6 lbs! If I can trust my dear friend Morgan's scale, I'm down from 221.6 to 215.7 lbs!!! Damn... I can't tell you how stoked I am about that! Speaking of Morgan, a former roommate of two years and one of my very best friends, the poor girl seems to be bearing the entire brunt of my dieting rage. I don't know how she came to be so lucky. Wait, perhaps it's not dieting frustration directed at Morgan... maybe it has something to do with the fact she thinks I wear too much product in my hair. How dare she?! If you've seen my hair lately, you know it's perfection. And you likely know who's responsible for it...Morgan! Can't thank you enough, girl.
Here's hoping I'll stop being such a biyotch to Ms. Morgan... and that I'm able to find some remotely delicious peaches (Trader Joe's has nothing on the Amish either).
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
"Do not allow people to dim your shine because they are blinded. Tell them to put on some sunglasses, cuz we were born this way bitch!" - Lady Gaga
Jackie
Moving on... Well, there have been both good and bad happenings in the land of GAGAerobics. First, I incorporated my new balance ball (courtesy Jeff and Ellen Hauser) into the routine today! It'll be a great way to keeps things fresh. Unfortuntalely, one of my other new additions, the shake weight, is out of commission. That's what I get for ordering the damn thing on Amazon! Take it from me, when you purchase a shake weight of your own, and you should, spend the extra money and buy it at Target.
In other news, despite eating an entire Falbo's calzone last night (give me a break, I hadn't eaten any variation of pizza in almost a month!), I seem to be down 5 or 6 lbs! If I can trust my dear friend Morgan's scale, I'm down from 221.6 to 215.7 lbs!!! Damn... I can't tell you how stoked I am about that! Speaking of Morgan, a former roommate of two years and one of my very best friends, the poor girl seems to be bearing the entire brunt of my dieting rage. I don't know how she came to be so lucky. Wait, perhaps it's not dieting frustration directed at Morgan... maybe it has something to do with the fact she thinks I wear too much product in my hair. How dare she?! If you've seen my hair lately, you know it's perfection. And you likely know who's responsible for it...Morgan! Can't thank you enough, girl.
Here's hoping I'll stop being such a biyotch to Ms. Morgan... and that I'm able to find some remotely delicious peaches (Trader Joe's has nothing on the Amish either).
Love. Peace. GAGAerobics.
"Do not allow people to dim your shine because they are blinded. Tell them to put on some sunglasses, cuz we were born this way bitch!" - Lady Gaga
Jackie
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Cold Pack Cheese Food
Wow, it's been nearly two weeks since I last posted. Unacceptable. I'll spare you the excuses and move on (or I'll talk about them at length throughout the blog).
Anyway...I bet you're wondering just what "Cold Pack Cheese Food" is. Well, this brings me to my first excuse. One of the main reasons why I took a little hiatus from posting was the four days I spent in northern Wisconsin. I just so happened to have a few days off from work, and my long lost friend Brianna was returning from her Montana summer holiday. So, I got to join Brianna and her sister Alyssa as well as Mumma Paula up north at their lovely cabin. Although Brianna and I were actually quite diligent in maintaining our workout routines (btw, Tae Bo scares dogs), northern Wisconsin is perhaps the least diet-friendly place in the world. There are just so many variations of cheese begging to be eaten... cheese curds... string cheese... cheese and crackers... and the worst (yet most delicious) of them all -- "cold pack cheese food." So what is this strange form of cheese? Well, "cold pack cheese food" resembles that Mertz port wine cheese spread Wisconsinites are so fond of. I'm not sure that Mertz's spreads are made with mayo, but I know for a fact that "cold pack cheese food" is. So, we were basically eating a whipped combination of cheese and mayo.... only in Wisconsin! Yeah, and only Wisconsinites would dip their already batter-fried cheese curds into a blue cheese dip...uff da. If you don't know what I'm talking about, than you haven't been to Madison's beloved restaurant, "The Old Fashioned."
I'd like to tell you that other than the "cold pack cheese food" I was rather well behaved up north in terms of my diet. Sure, relatively speaking I was, but the temptations of northern Wisconsin are pert' near unavoidable. For instance, when Alyssa, Brianna and I went to the local Birchwood tavern "Big Sexy's," we just couldn't help but try their specialty brew. You guessed it, they had "Big Sexy" on tap. I did relatively well, having only two Big Sexies. Perhaps that had something to do with the fact that Big Sexy on tap is actually just...woah, I'd better stop there! I'm pretty sure we promised Big Sexy himself that we wouldn't reveal the true identity of Big Sexy beer. What I can tell you is that it's a Whitehall favorite and is brewed by Anheuser-Busch. It's also a beer that is typically found only in cans. Apparently, it's tapped alter-ego is referred to as "Big Sexy." As for Big Sexy the man, well, he was neither big nor sexy...buzz kill. Lets just say we amazon queens dwarfed him in both size and sex appeal (as we do most others)! Oh, and I couldn't avoid eating a teriyaki beef stick at Big Sexy's either :S
I was faced with perhaps the ultimate northern Wisco temptation when I visited Eau Claire's famous Randy's Family Restaurant. I dare you to go there for breakfast and not get their "Hungry Man." Of course, it's easier for feminist me to refuse a meal with such a sexist name, but nevertheless, it's still quite tempting! Instead, my dear friend Paul and I shared the vegetarian omelet with wheat toast. And the damned omelet didn't even have cheese! My gawd, I did pretty well at Randy's! I also drank about 6 cups of coffee, which to me is like taking a laxative! Now, don't get all in a tizzy... I do not and will not stoop to using laxatives as a weight loss method. I had my fair share of diarrhea in Italy (was it the olive oil?!), and I'm damn sick of it! And for the record, when ordering the Hungry Man breakfast at Randy's in the past, I would always refer to it as the "Hungry Person." I hope, for my sake, you will do the same!
Well, since this blog is supposed to be about weight loss I suppose I should fill y'all in on my progress. Around August 18th, I weighed myself for the first time since the initial weigh in (around August 8th). Again, I was originally a whopping 221.6 lbs. By August 18th, however, I had already dropped to 219.3! I was quite ecstatic! I have since weighed myself again, but I'm not quite as happy with the results...on August 28th I was still 219.3 lbs. I suppose that's better than putting weight back on, and considering my adventures in northern Wisconsin maybe I should be pleased that I was able to maintain things. As for exercising, I'd kind of gotten in the habit of rollerblading rather than GAGAcising. You see, I bought these sweet-ass new blades and the weather has been absolutely perfect lately! I suppose the important thing is that I'm exercising...nevertheless, I still need to be getting my GAGA on at least twice a week. I've been much better about GAGAcising this week, as I did GAGAerobics both yesterday and today! Again, I'd always love to make it a group activity... please join me! I guarantee we'll have a great time!
Well, I suppose that's all for now. Having not written in awhile, I had much to say! Oh! One more thing... I met LADY GAGA last night in my dream. I awkwardly shook her hand through this odd window and said, "Because of you, I have revolutionized my life." Her response, "Good." In my dream I was quite disappointed by her reaction.... I mean, what the hell was "Good." supposed to mean?! She seemed rushed and cared very little about me... i doubt our real-life meeting will be anything like that. GAGA is as obsessed with her fans as we are her!
Here's hoping you've found yourself some good peaches...I'm still looking and Target ain't got 'em! If only I were still in northern Wisconsin buying peaches from the Amish...or was it the Mennonites?! I think both sell some damn fine peaches!
"I can excuse everything but boredom. Boring people don't have to stay that way." - Hedy Lamarr
LOVE. PEACE. GAGAEROBICS.
Jackie
PS - If you don't already know, Hedy Lamarr was a gorgeous Hollywood starlet during MGM's "Golden Age" of film. I'm reading her incredibly interesting autobiography "Ecstasy and Me: My Life as a Woman," and I encourage you to do the same.
Anyway...I bet you're wondering just what "Cold Pack Cheese Food" is. Well, this brings me to my first excuse. One of the main reasons why I took a little hiatus from posting was the four days I spent in northern Wisconsin. I just so happened to have a few days off from work, and my long lost friend Brianna was returning from her Montana summer holiday. So, I got to join Brianna and her sister Alyssa as well as Mumma Paula up north at their lovely cabin. Although Brianna and I were actually quite diligent in maintaining our workout routines (btw, Tae Bo scares dogs), northern Wisconsin is perhaps the least diet-friendly place in the world. There are just so many variations of cheese begging to be eaten... cheese curds... string cheese... cheese and crackers... and the worst (yet most delicious) of them all -- "cold pack cheese food." So what is this strange form of cheese? Well, "cold pack cheese food" resembles that Mertz port wine cheese spread Wisconsinites are so fond of. I'm not sure that Mertz's spreads are made with mayo, but I know for a fact that "cold pack cheese food" is. So, we were basically eating a whipped combination of cheese and mayo.... only in Wisconsin! Yeah, and only Wisconsinites would dip their already batter-fried cheese curds into a blue cheese dip...uff da. If you don't know what I'm talking about, than you haven't been to Madison's beloved restaurant, "The Old Fashioned."
I'd like to tell you that other than the "cold pack cheese food" I was rather well behaved up north in terms of my diet. Sure, relatively speaking I was, but the temptations of northern Wisconsin are pert' near unavoidable. For instance, when Alyssa, Brianna and I went to the local Birchwood tavern "Big Sexy's," we just couldn't help but try their specialty brew. You guessed it, they had "Big Sexy" on tap. I did relatively well, having only two Big Sexies. Perhaps that had something to do with the fact that Big Sexy on tap is actually just...woah, I'd better stop there! I'm pretty sure we promised Big Sexy himself that we wouldn't reveal the true identity of Big Sexy beer. What I can tell you is that it's a Whitehall favorite and is brewed by Anheuser-Busch. It's also a beer that is typically found only in cans. Apparently, it's tapped alter-ego is referred to as "Big Sexy." As for Big Sexy the man, well, he was neither big nor sexy...buzz kill. Lets just say we amazon queens dwarfed him in both size and sex appeal (as we do most others)! Oh, and I couldn't avoid eating a teriyaki beef stick at Big Sexy's either :S
I was faced with perhaps the ultimate northern Wisco temptation when I visited Eau Claire's famous Randy's Family Restaurant. I dare you to go there for breakfast and not get their "Hungry Man." Of course, it's easier for feminist me to refuse a meal with such a sexist name, but nevertheless, it's still quite tempting! Instead, my dear friend Paul and I shared the vegetarian omelet with wheat toast. And the damned omelet didn't even have cheese! My gawd, I did pretty well at Randy's! I also drank about 6 cups of coffee, which to me is like taking a laxative! Now, don't get all in a tizzy... I do not and will not stoop to using laxatives as a weight loss method. I had my fair share of diarrhea in Italy (was it the olive oil?!), and I'm damn sick of it! And for the record, when ordering the Hungry Man breakfast at Randy's in the past, I would always refer to it as the "Hungry Person." I hope, for my sake, you will do the same!
Well, since this blog is supposed to be about weight loss I suppose I should fill y'all in on my progress. Around August 18th, I weighed myself for the first time since the initial weigh in (around August 8th). Again, I was originally a whopping 221.6 lbs. By August 18th, however, I had already dropped to 219.3! I was quite ecstatic! I have since weighed myself again, but I'm not quite as happy with the results...on August 28th I was still 219.3 lbs. I suppose that's better than putting weight back on, and considering my adventures in northern Wisconsin maybe I should be pleased that I was able to maintain things. As for exercising, I'd kind of gotten in the habit of rollerblading rather than GAGAcising. You see, I bought these sweet-ass new blades and the weather has been absolutely perfect lately! I suppose the important thing is that I'm exercising...nevertheless, I still need to be getting my GAGA on at least twice a week. I've been much better about GAGAcising this week, as I did GAGAerobics both yesterday and today! Again, I'd always love to make it a group activity... please join me! I guarantee we'll have a great time!
Well, I suppose that's all for now. Having not written in awhile, I had much to say! Oh! One more thing... I met LADY GAGA last night in my dream. I awkwardly shook her hand through this odd window and said, "Because of you, I have revolutionized my life." Her response, "Good." In my dream I was quite disappointed by her reaction.... I mean, what the hell was "Good." supposed to mean?! She seemed rushed and cared very little about me... i doubt our real-life meeting will be anything like that. GAGA is as obsessed with her fans as we are her!
Here's hoping you've found yourself some good peaches...I'm still looking and Target ain't got 'em! If only I were still in northern Wisconsin buying peaches from the Amish...or was it the Mennonites?! I think both sell some damn fine peaches!
"I can excuse everything but boredom. Boring people don't have to stay that way." - Hedy Lamarr
LOVE. PEACE. GAGAEROBICS.
Jackie
PS - If you don't already know, Hedy Lamarr was a gorgeous Hollywood starlet during MGM's "Golden Age" of film. I'm reading her incredibly interesting autobiography "Ecstasy and Me: My Life as a Woman," and I encourage you to do the same.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)